13th january 2005

My exams were still on. N i couldnt forget her innocense n chirpiness that i felt in her on the new year, which i spent with her in rishikesh, when we first met. I missed her, n wanted to get in touch with her. I saw her a few days back at home. She came for some accupressure. I knew that she wasnt well. N wasnt sure whether she would come on the Lohri celebrations or not. But just when i stepped down, i saw her, n nearly drowsed in her looks. She looked so beautiful in that pink suit n punjabi jooti. I always used to like people in salwar suits. Theres a different kind of attachment i have with salwar suits, as my mom always wore the same. I know its funny, but then, thats what i am no.
We had a great time at the party. I was in full mood. Pulling leg, some bad PJs, lots n lots of dance etc etc. It was one of the best days of celebrations ive ever had.
I had written a mail to her, just portraying my feelings to her, of becoming good friends. But havent got any reply lately. So i asked while leaving, "did u check ur mail?" . My heart beat actually skipped, to be so bold n blunt first time, eagerly waiting for her reply. I still remember how she took care of the situation, n asked me, "is there anything u wana discuss?". I just shied away. N she as usual said, " its ok, whenever u feel like, i am there to share". I guess this was the thing which made me even more eager to talk to her, to get close to her, to know her more better.
I knew somehow that she would go online for sure to check my mail. Just after returning home, i sat to surf. N yes, as expected, she was there. Finally, we met online, first time. The chat started normally. A bit of leg pulling, some talks about choices n life, n some discussions about spiritual beliefs. We somehow knew, that we are different. In the mean time, Eshan, continously sat beside me, watching keenly, n waiting for something to happen. Gradually time ticked on. Around 3.30, i finally gathered up courage, to let her know that i had some special feelings for her. But just when i started, she took over the lead, n went on with something more pure than what even i was thinking. She names our relationship as AGAPE. I still remember that moment. It actually felt like im flying in heaven. I felt so cold, yet so warm. It was just an extra ordinary feeling. I knew, i love her.
I told her the song which was going on in my mind. "Socha nahi, achha bura, dekha suna, kuchh bhi nahi, Maanga khuda se raat din, tere siwa, kuchh bhi nahi..". What a beautiful moment it was.
Then we decided, that we would develop our relationship. We decided to tell our parents, the first thing. So, before mausi could wake up in the morning, i was standing beside her bed. It was obvious not to sleep the whole night, waiting for the first rays of the sun, to finally make it official. I still remember how madly i trembled due to fear, as well as cold, when i was about to tell mausi, what i have done. As expected, mausi was elated to hear the news. The first thing that she told was, develop this relationship now that u have time. Make this bond stronger.
What a night it was. I still remember n cherish.
Though the circumstances are now not the same. Still there are some burnt images, which still remains. I still hum the song "socha nahi, achha bura..."..
still that feeling, of cold n fear, resides in me. Still, every line that i wrote, every feeling that i experienced is there intact inside me. Still, AGAPE remains untampered.
N still, God is watching us, n guiding us, through the right ways of life.