treading along the lost road
i could well comprehend being blind
killing time to end my survival
paining to push those memories behind
numbed as the future unfolds
crushing the visions of my sinful mind
does it even matter
can i ever burn off what is destined

i wish you were here
to see how the stars have come down to talk to me
to feel the light of our beloved moon shadowing my vicinity
i wish you were here
to feel the warmth of our love flowing gently
whispering in their ears moments of enchanting beauty
i wish you were here
to see through my eyes the celebration of our togetherness and felicity
and behold this vision and cherish till eternity
i wish you were here
but im blinded and i am not able to find you
theres darkness all around and theres no one who can guide me through
i wish you were here
to hold my hand n take me somewhere new
where i can be just numb, where nothing of the past would hold true
i wish you were here
i just wish you were here..

its been a long road ever since we drifted apart..
n there has been a million twists n turns..
but the pleasure of walking along with you..
can never be conceived again..
i wonder whether you feel it or not..
somehow we have reached the worst versions of ourselves..
its become a habit to trample over emotions..
n over see the feelings which have already burnt to ashes..
nothing matters now..
numbness has taken over the pain..
n the darkness has concealed my existence..
this was never meant to be the purpose of my life..
n i wont let this life change my destiny..

i know everyone has this complex somewhere deep inside that theres a lot more needed to deserve someone in life.everyone has gone through a phase in life where some relations had to be just left behind.n theres repentance..or better to say the helplessness of not having some past memories to be still alive.theres insecurity of finding some momentary happiness and loosing it again in the flow, and theres a hidden,unconscious hope,a dried vision of a future which would hold more brighter days than yesterday.N i cant think of any ray of light which would lead to the emerging horizon where my soul can be at peace.There are days when the warmth of some sunlight feels like a soothing balm over the aching heart.N there are days when the calm winds and the consoling nights drifts me along towards comforting dawn.A dawn which is the first step towards a new tomorrow.But the underlying wounds pulls backward thinking about the pain n imagining how the days would have been if those relations would have carried along.somethings in life are so easy to forget..but somethings just cant be erased.those r the things which have already made their path along along us till the eternity.

searching for the end of the road
strolling along the deepest silence
thinking there might be someone waiting in the end
sleepy night betraying my bleeding soul
putting a mask of isolation for pretense
but knowingly i just dont want to comprehend

theres so much that my "self" is carrying
so much,of it so much unknown
n yet,it goes on to continue
im yet to find my own self
yet to hear my own voice
n yet to realize that ive lost you

im on way to reach nowhere
n on this path alone my existence would gradually fade
i was a no one earlier n would always remain
i wish i had been what i couldnt be
only if i could have stopped my senses to evade
if i knew that it wouldnt stay if it rains

ek soch ki tasveer banayi
apni palko me rakh ke chhupai
ghul ke khwaabo me wo saamne ayi
ek nayi si zindgi usne dikhai

jab subah hui,aakhe khuli
kuchh kadwi si sachchai mili
zindgi to kisi ki nahi badli
bas subah ne raat ki khamoshi chheenli

raate to roz aati hain
saase in raato me kyu tham si jaati hain
kitni bhi karwat badale,aakhe raat bhar bhari hi rehti hain
bheetar kitna bhi andhera ho,parchhaiya phir bhi khadi hi rehti hain

it was an unknown journey
but too much known
there were some pure n beautiful dreams
and an innocence,now a reason to moan
as if the whole world knew
just not me alone
that, that path leaded to nowhere
if only now i could return back home

they assert that those imaginations were never there
dunno why i always believe they exist
there would never be a sign of light in this everlasting night
but still i love not to desist
my breath would slowly erase out, n vision would fade
but inner voice would still persist
even when im a no one, when my identity dissolves
there would remain that unceasing mist

on the bare stage now
you would still be able to see me
but this time not an angel like before
there would be no wings, no halo, n no dreamz
there would be a wounded heart, n a chained soul
n there would be nothing like it used to be
there would be just silence
a silence to prevail till the eternity

jaane kidhar jaana tha
jaane kidhar aa gaye
jinki khwahisho ka muqaam hamara thikana tha
unhi ke khwaabo se ham jaane kaise takra gae
kuchh unhone soch liya tha
kuchh ham ghabra gae
kahi to koi chehra kabhi jaana pehchana tha
aaj kaise unki yaado se ham kasmasaa gaye
jis pal ko sapne me bhi nahi aana tha
kaise us pal me ham chupchaap apni khamoshi suna gae

ek adhoori si raat me
apni aadhi band aakho se
chand ki halki si roshni me
tumhe apne kitna kareeb paata hu
har roz tumhe paake
phir ghabra jata hu
kahi tum raat k sath
pighal kar meri akho se na beh jao
kahi tum raat me ghul ke
andhera na ban jao
phir usi tarah har roz
subah aakhe khulne par muskurata hu
phir wahi khwab aya tha
kal raat phir se hamne tumhe khwabo me bulaya tha

Another season gone

With time, just fleeting along

Sometimes as a lullaby

Sometimes like the birds humming in the dawn

The dew drops dressing the edge

Waiting at the corner of the eye to trickle down

Beholding the beautiful imageries

(Those ever lasting memories)

N listening to the echoes of my favorite song

Not too long back there were some smiles across

N those empty stairs we sat on

Now theres nothing but a barren ground

And emptiness n silence all around

Before the sun sets i wish to go back home

To stay in my solitude all alone

I long to lie in the love of my moms lap

I pray to get those seasons back

The season that has gone

With time, just fleeting along..

A journey

You are neither here nor there.
You don't even exist.
All this talk about you is a waste of time.

You may be there somewhere.
But it does not matter.
I have no need of you.
I can manage my life quite well by myself.

You are either here or there.
I don't quite know.
But somehow your presence seems to matter.
Particularly when things are not going the way I want them to.
Sometimes I am at a loss and I need you.

You are here and there.
Your presence does matter.
May I visit you?
Why don't you visit me?
I won't stay long.
In any case staying with you is rather dull and uninteresting, after
a while.

May I come and stay with you or you with me?
The last time we were together it was quite fun.
Every thing worked out so easily, almost magically.

I would like to stay in you.
I would prefer you staying in me all the time

You and I.
I and You

One

just for some time

i stopped and listened
to all those voices which would never cease
for some time, i just dont want to speak
for some time, i dont want to be

during all those hollering around
i could listen to the silence inside
for some time, i just dont want it to subside
for some time, i dont want itself to hide

i know that i would never be able to prove my innocence
n if only i could find out the reason
for some time, i just wish to accept those treason
for some time, i wish to live with my sins

time would pass by
but things would keep on reflecting the same
for some time, i just want to burn myself in those flames
for some time, i want to incinerate my identity n my name

expressions

i wish i could
but i cant
n i dont want to
dont ask me to understand
i dont want to think
just let me be
i dont care
im not disturbed
i dont want to be anymore
n this wont end
n this time..im happy with it..

I wonder how swiftly time passes by
Just yesterday today was a tomorrow
And today again another tomorrow is going to end
My eyes yearn and heart longs
For a tomorrow that never comes
A today that never ends
A yesterday which never existed..

there was a time when you were so connected
so obvious
so beautiful
so pure
n serene
there was a time
when i used to drowse when ur hair used to drop on my face
when i used to touch u
n u wud never say no
there was a time when ur eyes used to fill with love
whenever u wud see me
when there was hardly any distance between u n me
when we merged into one soul
mingled with each other
when u used to hold my hand and say - ill be there for you till the end of ur life
and beyond
when our long walks never wanted to end
there was a time when just a single gesture wud make us experience never ending heaven
when ur feets which stood on mines used to make me feel in solitude
when ur hand on my heart used to change the song of my heartbeat
there was a time when that unending sensation of the lips used to feel you in the blowing air
and now that time has gone
that feeling has died
and that serenity crushed n trampled over
the remains of the dried tears still on the cheeks
and a ruined soul left in internal sorrow
to make things more complicated - thinking never stops
thinking whether it ever existed
whether i ever knew what was true and what was not
i still miss those unforgettable feelings
i still long for those moments for which we were waiting so eagerly
only to find if it wasnt a dream
if it was, then i can bet, none can be better

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

Kuchh palo ko phir se samet ke le aye hain
Kuchh khwabo ke ashiane phir se sajaye hain
Ateet ko bhula pana mushkil hai
Par yaado ki potli akho me chhupa kar chura laye hain

Jab raat ke andhere me kabhi akhe khud ko dhoondhengi
Tab un yaado ki roshni me mann apni manzil ko chhoolega
Jab akho ki nami se mann bheeg jaega
Tab neend ka rath mann ko kahi door uda le jaega

so what do i do now
my eyes dont seem to get back to normal
the wetness lingers on
my hurt dont seem to heal
the heart still beats though
what do i do
to overcome these pinching memories
these unstoppable thoughts
which overcrowds my mind
i see u in people
i feel u in places
i hear u in songs
n yet, i cant tell you what i feel
i cant make all those wrongs to right again
what do i do
what do i do of those millions of words unsaid
of those unattended observations
of those un-sensed feelings
that i could never portray to you
what do i do of this restless pain
which keeps on resurfacing again n again
having one last wish
to tell you what i am
in the end..
nothing matters..nobody cares
life just moves on..

death of dreamz..

i have seen my dreams die
i have seen the moments fly
when all that could have been true
washes off to something i never wanted to
when every calm breath
burns catching fire
when every peaceful thought
turns to an irresistible ire
when each drop of tear
causes irreparable deep sear
i look down to those days
when everyone seemed to be in a good phase
when harmony n happiness echoed
when life was a blessed abode
let this silence sink in for a while
let me observe n accept this time, n its guile
with every moment gone by
i wail silently for my dreams, to see them die

13.12.09
Would it be wrong to say that angels exist
Atleast there must be some similarity which makes me feel this
May be her cute smile is what mesmerizes me
Or the way she dresses her hair so beautifully
When after seeing it ,a bright sunny day transforms into a beautifully soothing dusk suddenly
Or may be im just mad about her beautiful fingures and nails beautified with a tinge of mehndi
Or her slender and beautiful feets
When she takes off her sandals to put n rub her left feet against the right feet
She seems so beautiful and earthy that when she walks, it feels as if the earth itself is strolling along
Her magnanimous figure seems so merged with the nature around
Its like a perfect blend of eternity and humanity
I still wonder what make her press her lips between her teeth
Is it her feeling of being watched by someone?
Or is it just a feeling of insecurity?
Whatever it is, I admit admiring her even then
Just that I can never even try to become her friend
May be because she doesn’t understand me so well
Or may be I don’t consider myself able enough to deserve
Probably I would just always be a secret admirer
May be then I could behold her in my dreams and remain nearer
I don’t ever want her to know
Coz it would be more difficult then to let her go