i know everyone has this complex somewhere deep inside that theres a lot more needed to deserve someone in life.everyone has gone through a phase in life where some relations had to be just left behind.n theres repentance..or better to say the helplessness of not having some past memories to be still alive.theres insecurity of finding some momentary happiness and loosing it again in the flow, and theres a hidden,unconscious hope,a dried vision of a future which would hold more brighter days than yesterday.N i cant think of any ray of light which would lead to the emerging horizon where my soul can be at peace.There are days when the warmth of some sunlight feels like a soothing balm over the aching heart.N there are days when the calm winds and the consoling nights drifts me along towards comforting dawn.A dawn which is the first step towards a new tomorrow.But the underlying wounds pulls backward thinking about the pain n imagining how the days would have been if those relations would have carried along.somethings in life are so easy to forget..but somethings just cant be erased.those r the things which have already made their path along along us till the eternity.

searching for the end of the road
strolling along the deepest silence
thinking there might be someone waiting in the end
sleepy night betraying my bleeding soul
putting a mask of isolation for pretense
but knowingly i just dont want to comprehend

theres so much that my "self" is carrying
so much,of it so much unknown
n yet,it goes on to continue
im yet to find my own self
yet to hear my own voice
n yet to realize that ive lost you

im on way to reach nowhere
n on this path alone my existence would gradually fade
i was a no one earlier n would always remain
i wish i had been what i couldnt be
only if i could have stopped my senses to evade
if i knew that it wouldnt stay if it rains

ek soch ki tasveer banayi
apni palko me rakh ke chhupai
ghul ke khwaabo me wo saamne ayi
ek nayi si zindgi usne dikhai

jab subah hui,aakhe khuli
kuchh kadwi si sachchai mili
zindgi to kisi ki nahi badli
bas subah ne raat ki khamoshi chheenli

raate to roz aati hain
saase in raato me kyu tham si jaati hain
kitni bhi karwat badale,aakhe raat bhar bhari hi rehti hain
bheetar kitna bhi andhera ho,parchhaiya phir bhi khadi hi rehti hain

it was an unknown journey
but too much known
there were some pure n beautiful dreams
and an innocence,now a reason to moan
as if the whole world knew
just not me alone
that, that path leaded to nowhere
if only now i could return back home

they assert that those imaginations were never there
dunno why i always believe they exist
there would never be a sign of light in this everlasting night
but still i love not to desist
my breath would slowly erase out, n vision would fade
but inner voice would still persist
even when im a no one, when my identity dissolves
there would remain that unceasing mist

on the bare stage now
you would still be able to see me
but this time not an angel like before
there would be no wings, no halo, n no dreamz
there would be a wounded heart, n a chained soul
n there would be nothing like it used to be
there would be just silence
a silence to prevail till the eternity

jaane kidhar jaana tha
jaane kidhar aa gaye
jinki khwahisho ka muqaam hamara thikana tha
unhi ke khwaabo se ham jaane kaise takra gae
kuchh unhone soch liya tha
kuchh ham ghabra gae
kahi to koi chehra kabhi jaana pehchana tha
aaj kaise unki yaado se ham kasmasaa gaye
jis pal ko sapne me bhi nahi aana tha
kaise us pal me ham chupchaap apni khamoshi suna gae

ek adhoori si raat me
apni aadhi band aakho se
chand ki halki si roshni me
tumhe apne kitna kareeb paata hu
har roz tumhe paake
phir ghabra jata hu
kahi tum raat k sath
pighal kar meri akho se na beh jao
kahi tum raat me ghul ke
andhera na ban jao
phir usi tarah har roz
subah aakhe khulne par muskurata hu
phir wahi khwab aya tha
kal raat phir se hamne tumhe khwabo me bulaya tha

Another season gone

With time, just fleeting along

Sometimes as a lullaby

Sometimes like the birds humming in the dawn

The dew drops dressing the edge

Waiting at the corner of the eye to trickle down

Beholding the beautiful imageries

(Those ever lasting memories)

N listening to the echoes of my favorite song

Not too long back there were some smiles across

N those empty stairs we sat on

Now theres nothing but a barren ground

And emptiness n silence all around

Before the sun sets i wish to go back home

To stay in my solitude all alone

I long to lie in the love of my moms lap

I pray to get those seasons back

The season that has gone

With time, just fleeting along..

A journey

You are neither here nor there.
You don't even exist.
All this talk about you is a waste of time.

You may be there somewhere.
But it does not matter.
I have no need of you.
I can manage my life quite well by myself.

You are either here or there.
I don't quite know.
But somehow your presence seems to matter.
Particularly when things are not going the way I want them to.
Sometimes I am at a loss and I need you.

You are here and there.
Your presence does matter.
May I visit you?
Why don't you visit me?
I won't stay long.
In any case staying with you is rather dull and uninteresting, after
a while.

May I come and stay with you or you with me?
The last time we were together it was quite fun.
Every thing worked out so easily, almost magically.

I would like to stay in you.
I would prefer you staying in me all the time

You and I.
I and You

One

just for some time

i stopped and listened
to all those voices which would never cease
for some time, i just dont want to speak
for some time, i dont want to be

during all those hollering around
i could listen to the silence inside
for some time, i just dont want it to subside
for some time, i dont want itself to hide

i know that i would never be able to prove my innocence
n if only i could find out the reason
for some time, i just wish to accept those treason
for some time, i wish to live with my sins

time would pass by
but things would keep on reflecting the same
for some time, i just want to burn myself in those flames
for some time, i want to incinerate my identity n my name

expressions

i wish i could
but i cant
n i dont want to
dont ask me to understand
i dont want to think
just let me be
i dont care
im not disturbed
i dont want to be anymore
n this wont end
n this time..im happy with it..

I wonder how swiftly time passes by
Just yesterday today was a tomorrow
And today again another tomorrow is going to end
My eyes yearn and heart longs
For a tomorrow that never comes
A today that never ends
A yesterday which never existed..

there was a time when you were so connected
so obvious
so beautiful
so pure
n serene
there was a time
when i used to drowse when ur hair used to drop on my face
when i used to touch u
n u wud never say no
there was a time when ur eyes used to fill with love
whenever u wud see me
when there was hardly any distance between u n me
when we merged into one soul
mingled with each other
when u used to hold my hand and say - ill be there for you till the end of ur life
and beyond
when our long walks never wanted to end
there was a time when just a single gesture wud make us experience never ending heaven
when ur feets which stood on mines used to make me feel in solitude
when ur hand on my heart used to change the song of my heartbeat
there was a time when that unending sensation of the lips used to feel you in the blowing air
and now that time has gone
that feeling has died
and that serenity crushed n trampled over
the remains of the dried tears still on the cheeks
and a ruined soul left in internal sorrow
to make things more complicated - thinking never stops
thinking whether it ever existed
whether i ever knew what was true and what was not
i still miss those unforgettable feelings
i still long for those moments for which we were waiting so eagerly
only to find if it wasnt a dream
if it was, then i can bet, none can be better

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

Kuchh palo ko phir se samet ke le aye hain
Kuchh khwabo ke ashiane phir se sajaye hain
Ateet ko bhula pana mushkil hai
Par yaado ki potli akho me chhupa kar chura laye hain

Jab raat ke andhere me kabhi akhe khud ko dhoondhengi
Tab un yaado ki roshni me mann apni manzil ko chhoolega
Jab akho ki nami se mann bheeg jaega
Tab neend ka rath mann ko kahi door uda le jaega

so what do i do now
my eyes dont seem to get back to normal
the wetness lingers on
my hurt dont seem to heal
the heart still beats though
what do i do
to overcome these pinching memories
these unstoppable thoughts
which overcrowds my mind
i see u in people
i feel u in places
i hear u in songs
n yet, i cant tell you what i feel
i cant make all those wrongs to right again
what do i do
what do i do of those millions of words unsaid
of those unattended observations
of those un-sensed feelings
that i could never portray to you
what do i do of this restless pain
which keeps on resurfacing again n again
having one last wish
to tell you what i am
in the end..
nothing matters..nobody cares
life just moves on..

death of dreamz..

i have seen my dreams die
i have seen the moments fly
when all that could have been true
washes off to something i never wanted to
when every calm breath
burns catching fire
when every peaceful thought
turns to an irresistible ire
when each drop of tear
causes irreparable deep sear
i look down to those days
when everyone seemed to be in a good phase
when harmony n happiness echoed
when life was a blessed abode
let this silence sink in for a while
let me observe n accept this time, n its guile
with every moment gone by
i wail silently for my dreams, to see them die

13.12.09
Would it be wrong to say that angels exist
Atleast there must be some similarity which makes me feel this
May be her cute smile is what mesmerizes me
Or the way she dresses her hair so beautifully
When after seeing it ,a bright sunny day transforms into a beautifully soothing dusk suddenly
Or may be im just mad about her beautiful fingures and nails beautified with a tinge of mehndi
Or her slender and beautiful feets
When she takes off her sandals to put n rub her left feet against the right feet
She seems so beautiful and earthy that when she walks, it feels as if the earth itself is strolling along
Her magnanimous figure seems so merged with the nature around
Its like a perfect blend of eternity and humanity
I still wonder what make her press her lips between her teeth
Is it her feeling of being watched by someone?
Or is it just a feeling of insecurity?
Whatever it is, I admit admiring her even then
Just that I can never even try to become her friend
May be because she doesn’t understand me so well
Or may be I don’t consider myself able enough to deserve
Probably I would just always be a secret admirer
May be then I could behold her in my dreams and remain nearer
I don’t ever want her to know
Coz it would be more difficult then to let her go

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

08.12.09
Ek kadam kabhi tez chalte hain
To har kadam khushnuma sa lagta hai
Agar kuchh kadam kabhi ladkhada se gaye
To sama gumsum sham sa dhal jata hai

Mann ki nazre jo raahe dhoondhti hain
Aksar un raaho pe andhera milta hai
Jo nazre raaho me hi gum ho jaye
Aksar unhi ko mann apna anjaam maan leta hai

Tamannae yu hi bekhud karti rehti hain
Jabki muqammal hona unka hamari kismat me nahi
Jab kabhi dard me zehn se rubaru ho, to yakeen hota hai
Apne mann me mann ki ichhao ka maujood hona apni fitrat me nahi

02.12.09

Kaash zindagi kitab ke panno ki tarah jalai ja sakti
Kaash ki rooh pinjre se azaad hue panchhi ki tarah udai ja sakti
Kaash ki dard paani ki tarah pighal kar aasuo me beh sakta
Kaash ki dil aakho ki tarah bezuban hota
Kaash ki khwabo ka jazbato se koi sambandh na hota
Zindagi ek khamosh si sham hoti.ehsaso me kitna sukoon hota


30.11.09

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what figure a rose holds
Its fragrance is enough to empower and behold
N sometimes when the fragrance too is faint
The feeling of its presence revisits the remains
Its beauty never fades
Though its perceptions in life change due to various shades
Doesn’t it sometimes feel helpless not to be able to feel
Not to be able to adapt to the real
I wonder if I can ever enjoy the beauty of a rose
I wonder if..no one knows


27.11.09

Em ef zero one three
A place where I love to be
An epitome of affection
A master piece of a diversified nation
Karan being the head of the state
Huge responsibilities, heavy duties, but he is never afraid
Doing every bit for the sake of our batch
He is the most eligible bachelor, still looking for a match
Talk about match,Anshul n Hari are the captains
Not only in fun, in life too they scored a lot of runs
Though hari is not in a hurry, taking things slow
Anshul seems almost all set to go
Found and settled and ready to mingle
But sadly hari is still single
Just walking along is my building block sambit
Not only in relationships, for every dimension of life, he’s perfectly fit
He definitely is a multi talented character
N his love story is the most interesting chapter
Though theres still time for an official introduction
But her lady luck surely is something worth a mention
Then comes kalpana and tapan
Kalpana blushing always on the name of her husband
And tapan being lost always thinking about his special someone
I wonder how beautiful it wud feel to be a husband or a wife
I really wish both all the very best in life
Next is someone who has made his own destiny
Nothing is impossible for him, he is our star, Abhi
Reaching out for the toughest summits
Yet so down to earth,so placid
N so is puneetha
So calm n peaceful, she is such a sweet heart
Always smiling beautifully
Though we still need to explore her hidden profundity
Savitha n shubha definitely are the batch’s love birds
Though savitha’s sweet voice still needs motivation to be heard
After all she must be saving it for her beau
But then that shows her feelings are so true
Shubha is definitely a melodious devil
She composes waves all the time, however the sea still remains tranquil (hidden meaning)
There sweet n smiling face always makes the batch aglow
N they would certainly make a difference wherever they would go im sure
Next comes someone who has a lot of secret admirers
Some in class, some more unknowns else where
Though it hardly reflects through her attitude, shes always carefree
Her style is most different, afterall shes Gayathri
Though im a lot scared of her, but may be this is meant to be
She seems quiet an intellectual, I don’t know im right or wrong
But this is for sure, wherever we find her, we can surely find Abha along
She is another serious n studius girl, whom i still cant predict
But I know her veiled naughty and funny side does exist
Talking about exploring, even Prakriti has a lot hidden
I surely vouch for her singing and writing talent
She is someone who is always found smiling
It seems simplicity melts down in her living
Just akin is our beloved Sachin
Always twinkly and so caring
Though he has the master key of doubts
But this is no doubt that he makes our batch proud
N so does Deepika, our chief of fun
Though a lot of us our scared of her violent streak
But shes not any different from us freaks
N specialy with Tarun n Krishna always pulling her leg
Any saint would turn into a devil, what else can we expect
Tarun being the devil mastermind and Krishna the hidden demon
Compensating the yin n yang (of our batch) is impossible without them
But needless to say
Come what may, they would be the best buddies always
Talking about fun is always incomplete without mentioning kaka
With an everlasting smile on his face, pallab is truly our batchs pataka
He is a man of huge heart
He is simply the best, all his qualities sets him apart
Vamshi as the name depicts- is the sweetest of all the guys
He has a magnificent voice and a dashing personality which could easily hypnotize
Though he is yet to find the love of his life
Im sure whoever it will be, he would be a perfect husband to his wife
For Mandar I would say just a simple line
His loyalty and devotion would go across the barriers of time
His deeds speak louder than words
He would be the light (through his knowledge) in which our batch would shine
N so would be Revathi n Ravi
Ravi enlightens us with his enchanting and caring mind
And Revathi mesmerizes us with her spellbinding designs
Devi, is like the captain of our ship
Though she seems quite delicate n soft hearted, but she can fight any hardships
Saranya is one more strong character
Her abilities are yet to be unraveled
But I can assure that she is one more magnificent marvel
Anirban is a multi talented genious
Tapping along rythms yet finding time to be serious
His heart is pure and kind
I hope he soon gets the one whom he always has on his mind
I know he deserves the best and he would soon get it too
Though everyone knows him, but the ones who really understand him are few
Then comes Swati, a tender loving and affectionate character
Her heart proves itself truly through her sweet and caring nature
And Praveen is the most simple and decent member of our batch
Simply observing life flowing along, and smiling at the plans God has
Chandrashekhar or Chan as we fondly call
Is surely different from the rest of us all
His skills span through a huge variety
N he surely incorporates a lot of hidden abilities
Bharat on the other hand is a hidden ace
He likes life to go on his own pace
His brain processes a lot, but he speaks less
For everything in life, I wish him all the best
Where else could I find such enormous treasure of friends
May be this is just another way through which Gods blessing descends