time n again the same wounds resurface
some sounds which had clung on to my ears when i was there
some moments which i forgot by the roadside where we used to walk
some words which are still unsaid
i no longer, am the man who i was
all said n done n its never gonna be the same again
some more dreams n some more pain

if i write would you like to read how vulnerable ive become..
there was a time when you used to walk beside me n everything seemed to become alright..
but what now? its ultimate dark n im walking all alone..naked n numb..
there would be people laughing at me n mocking me..
they would beat me..hurt me..bleed me..
n i would just keep on walking as i have to..aimless n lost..
this would go on perhaps till every single drop of blood in my body would trickle down my cheeks..n you would just see
no one would ever remember the days that have gone..
none of them would ask where is that reverence wheres that faith now..
would just a faint smile be enough to determine the death of a few memories..

jaane kyu yaado se ab tak mann sharmsar hai
shayad kuchh beete pal ab tak meri tanhai pe udhaar hai
kaun kehta hai hame raat ke andhere se pyaar hai
hame to sirf apni parchhai ke mit jaane ka intezar hai

chori chupke kabhi zindgi ke chalne ki aahat sunte hain
kabhi baithe baithe aasmaan me khwaab bunte hain
aksar kai khayal jaane pehchane se milte hain
par sadiyo se lipte jazbaat phir bhi kabhi nahi pighalte hain

kya aisi bhi raat hogi jisme andhera nahi ho
jisme har pal ek nayi dastaan likhe, aur palko me sawalo ka pehra nahi ho
jiske paymane tay karte waqt bebasi ka basera nahi ho
aur jiske khwaabo ke aine me kisi purani justaju ka chehra nahi ho

some old msgs

aaj chaand bhi apni bebasi pe roya hoga..
shayad uski raat ko kisi andhere ne chhupa liya..
khamoshi ne awaaz me dard piroya hoga..
shayad kisi khwaab ne meri tanhai ko chura liya..

---------------

kuchh yaado ki mithaas aksar apna zayka palko pe chhod jaati hai..
kuchh baate aksar aakho me nami le aati hai..
kuchh barisho aur kuchh haseen nagmo ka fasana tha..
par khwaabo ka kya hai,unko to ekdin jal hi jana tha..
mere astitva ki lehro me jo pal beh ke aa gaye the..
jinka muqaam meri khushi me ghar basana tha..
ek roz unhe sagar ki gehrai me ghul hi jana tha..
khwaabo ka kya hai,unko to ekdin jal hi jana tha..

---------------

kuchh pal aur jee lene do yahi..
ab kuchh hi saase baaki hain..
maana ki yaha ab tumhari parchhai nahi..
par tumhari yaade roz yahi hamse milne aati hain.

kahi pe kaate kahi pe udaasi..
kahi ek maasoom zindgi zara si..
parchhaiyo me ulajh ke beet hi jaegi..
kahi raat to kahi subah si..

a sprinkle of drop 'round the corner of my eye
and some glimpses of a broken dream yest'day night
thats all the remains, theres no more that i hide
there're no more pain, n no more feelings to sigh

that life, an illusion, and the happy memories
theres much more than a fantasy, i have to see
its about a world beyond me
n about someone i dont have to be

let not the eyes see what they behold
let not the words sink in again, as they were told
why to care about a soul which every moment is sold
why to yearn for a hand i can never hold

its fragrance, it enchants
theres none unaffected
it instills serenity
which can never die
but to live with
and realize
all of it was a lie
trampled over
and crushed emotions
dreams a dreadful sight
cornered
in the darkest addictions of the night
barely alive
inner wounds more painful
than those bleeding outside
a few more breaths remain
to succumb to the end of this life

kal phir ek khwaab aakho me jal ke reh gaya
bikhre ehsaaso ka abhaas phir pighal kar beh gaya

kahi ek nayi si subah dekhi thi
chehekti hui khilkhilati muskan si thi
jo aakho se aise tapakti thi
ki jaise poori zindgi usime doob gayi ho
jaise meri saase uski madhosh mehek me so gayi ho

kaash subah aate hi raat ko dhalna na padta
kaash kuchh aur der mai raat ban kar subah ki baaho me khel sakta
mere ateet ki parchhai jis subah ne mita di
kaash me kuchh der aur khud ko bhool paane ka ehsas kar sakta
par shayad har raat ki yehi neeyati hai
subah ki god me hi har raat apni aakhri saase chunti hai

kal phir ek khwaab aakho me jal kar reh gaya
bikhre ehsaaso ka abhaas phir pighal kar beh gaya

treading along the lost road
i could well comprehend being blind
killing time to end my survival
paining to push those memories behind
numbed as the future unfolds
crushing the visions of my sinful mind
does it even matter
can i ever burn off what is destined

i wish you were here
to see how the stars have come down to talk to me
to feel the light of our beloved moon shadowing my vicinity
i wish you were here
to feel the warmth of our love flowing gently
whispering in their ears moments of enchanting beauty
i wish you were here
to see through my eyes the celebration of our togetherness and felicity
and behold this vision and cherish till eternity
i wish you were here
but im blinded and i am not able to find you
theres darkness all around and theres no one who can guide me through
i wish you were here
to hold my hand n take me somewhere new
where i can be just numb, where nothing of the past would hold true
i wish you were here
i just wish you were here..

its been a long road ever since we drifted apart..
n there has been a million twists n turns..
but the pleasure of walking along with you..
can never be conceived again..
i wonder whether you feel it or not..
somehow we have reached the worst versions of ourselves..
its become a habit to trample over emotions..
n over see the feelings which have already burnt to ashes..
nothing matters now..
numbness has taken over the pain..
n the darkness has concealed my existence..
this was never meant to be the purpose of my life..
n i wont let this life change my destiny..

i know everyone has this complex somewhere deep inside that theres a lot more needed to deserve someone in life.everyone has gone through a phase in life where some relations had to be just left behind.n theres repentance..or better to say the helplessness of not having some past memories to be still alive.theres insecurity of finding some momentary happiness and loosing it again in the flow, and theres a hidden,unconscious hope,a dried vision of a future which would hold more brighter days than yesterday.N i cant think of any ray of light which would lead to the emerging horizon where my soul can be at peace.There are days when the warmth of some sunlight feels like a soothing balm over the aching heart.N there are days when the calm winds and the consoling nights drifts me along towards comforting dawn.A dawn which is the first step towards a new tomorrow.But the underlying wounds pulls backward thinking about the pain n imagining how the days would have been if those relations would have carried along.somethings in life are so easy to forget..but somethings just cant be erased.those r the things which have already made their path along along us till the eternity.

searching for the end of the road
strolling along the deepest silence
thinking there might be someone waiting in the end
sleepy night betraying my bleeding soul
putting a mask of isolation for pretense
but knowingly i just dont want to comprehend

theres so much that my "self" is carrying
so much,of it so much unknown
n yet,it goes on to continue
im yet to find my own self
yet to hear my own voice
n yet to realize that ive lost you

im on way to reach nowhere
n on this path alone my existence would gradually fade
i was a no one earlier n would always remain
i wish i had been what i couldnt be
only if i could have stopped my senses to evade
if i knew that it wouldnt stay if it rains

ek soch ki tasveer banayi
apni palko me rakh ke chhupai
ghul ke khwaabo me wo saamne ayi
ek nayi si zindgi usne dikhai

jab subah hui,aakhe khuli
kuchh kadwi si sachchai mili
zindgi to kisi ki nahi badli
bas subah ne raat ki khamoshi chheenli

raate to roz aati hain
saase in raato me kyu tham si jaati hain
kitni bhi karwat badale,aakhe raat bhar bhari hi rehti hain
bheetar kitna bhi andhera ho,parchhaiya phir bhi khadi hi rehti hain

it was an unknown journey
but too much known
there were some pure n beautiful dreams
and an innocence,now a reason to moan
as if the whole world knew
just not me alone
that, that path leaded to nowhere
if only now i could return back home

they assert that those imaginations were never there
dunno why i always believe they exist
there would never be a sign of light in this everlasting night
but still i love not to desist
my breath would slowly erase out, n vision would fade
but inner voice would still persist
even when im a no one, when my identity dissolves
there would remain that unceasing mist

on the bare stage now
you would still be able to see me
but this time not an angel like before
there would be no wings, no halo, n no dreamz
there would be a wounded heart, n a chained soul
n there would be nothing like it used to be
there would be just silence
a silence to prevail till the eternity

jaane kidhar jaana tha
jaane kidhar aa gaye
jinki khwahisho ka muqaam hamara thikana tha
unhi ke khwaabo se ham jaane kaise takra gae
kuchh unhone soch liya tha
kuchh ham ghabra gae
kahi to koi chehra kabhi jaana pehchana tha
aaj kaise unki yaado se ham kasmasaa gaye
jis pal ko sapne me bhi nahi aana tha
kaise us pal me ham chupchaap apni khamoshi suna gae

ek adhoori si raat me
apni aadhi band aakho se
chand ki halki si roshni me
tumhe apne kitna kareeb paata hu
har roz tumhe paake
phir ghabra jata hu
kahi tum raat k sath
pighal kar meri akho se na beh jao
kahi tum raat me ghul ke
andhera na ban jao
phir usi tarah har roz
subah aakhe khulne par muskurata hu
phir wahi khwab aya tha
kal raat phir se hamne tumhe khwabo me bulaya tha

Another season gone

With time, just fleeting along

Sometimes as a lullaby

Sometimes like the birds humming in the dawn

The dew drops dressing the edge

Waiting at the corner of the eye to trickle down

Beholding the beautiful imageries

(Those ever lasting memories)

N listening to the echoes of my favorite song

Not too long back there were some smiles across

N those empty stairs we sat on

Now theres nothing but a barren ground

And emptiness n silence all around

Before the sun sets i wish to go back home

To stay in my solitude all alone

I long to lie in the love of my moms lap

I pray to get those seasons back

The season that has gone

With time, just fleeting along..

A journey

You are neither here nor there.
You don't even exist.
All this talk about you is a waste of time.

You may be there somewhere.
But it does not matter.
I have no need of you.
I can manage my life quite well by myself.

You are either here or there.
I don't quite know.
But somehow your presence seems to matter.
Particularly when things are not going the way I want them to.
Sometimes I am at a loss and I need you.

You are here and there.
Your presence does matter.
May I visit you?
Why don't you visit me?
I won't stay long.
In any case staying with you is rather dull and uninteresting, after
a while.

May I come and stay with you or you with me?
The last time we were together it was quite fun.
Every thing worked out so easily, almost magically.

I would like to stay in you.
I would prefer you staying in me all the time

You and I.
I and You

One