Saturday, November 22, 2008

in search..

i sometimes wonder why i have grown. it was so much better to be a child.  i remember people use to tell me that its really good to be in your age, coz u r free of so much stress n worries. n i used to think, its so much better to be an adult. u can discuss things, u can be logical, u can live your own life, without any limitation or boundations . i used to think that when we grow up, we dont need to ask anyone, we can just do what our mind says. n now that ive grown up, i feel the total opposite. its so much better to be a kid. atleast people dont expect you to be a grown up when u r a child. im seeing now how my relationships are tumbling down like a castle of cards. n the reason is, coz ive grown up. coz now i try to logically define relationships. n even if i dont, expectations of my near n dear ones, from me as an adult, is killing the relationship gradually. n in all this while, what ive blundered most severely is my loss of soulmate. I shouldnt have grown to an age where one tends to find a soulmate in someone else, other than his own self or God. N when this dream of his breaks, he is totally left shattered. n for this sole reason i feel, it was so much better to be a kid. u get along with other girls n guys so casually. so beautifully. theres no heart break or hurt. u just play, have fun n forget. there r really less emotional attachments, less sharing of feelings etc etc. but when we grow up, the situation changes. this same casual n fun giving friendship changes to an emotional bond. n if a person is pure at heart, n not playful, he suffers. this is not just a case of one life or one culture. i feel in every persons life, this stage comes, at the time of transition from a kid to an adult. n then, some get along with it in a positive way, n the rest move on. 
anyways, i just wish, i could again become a child. if not physically, then atleast mentally. i wont mind then, if people start calling me mentally disabled. because its high time that i listened to everyone. now i want to be just me.
still in search of me..
 

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