shwahzeh..

I know a girl who is just a common girl. A girl who doesn’t have any sky touching dreams, any un achievable fantasies, who doesn’t wana do anything extraordinary.

She is in fact a girl who is more ordinary than even ordinary. She just knows how to give love, unboundedly, unconditionally to everyone around. Never asking for return. A heart so pure, is really rarely found. N you know, she believes in God. Yes. She does. Unlike everyone around me, she has undoubted faith in God. N whenever she needs someone to talk to, or something to ask, she knows that only God understands her completely. God is Himself is her savior, her Guardian Angel.

She is a person brimming with values n morals. A person who, even in this 21st century, is still upholding the Indian culture, in which we regard our parents as God.

She has turned all her sorrows, to her strength and all emotions to building blocks of her foundation. Though she has a lot of life yet to live, yet, she has seen more of life than many of us. She is the perfect conglomeration of truth, love, hope, confidence, practicality, creativity, unity, optimism and , spirituality.

Wanting something, deserving something n getting something is easy, but…wanting something, deserving something, getting something n sacrificing that thing for someone is difficult. She is an epitome of kindness n love. Yet she is just a common girl. A girl, who can remind us of God.

She is a person who believes, she has everything, n yet owes nothing. Everything has been created by God, for God. She just plays the role of reaching out Gods love to those who needs it.

A person so ground to earth, yet so caring, so loving, always giving without any expectations, a person for whom feelings are more important than success or name fame or money, is rare to find. A person, who can mould the worst phase of life, to one of the best phases of life, is rare to find.

She has proved, that nothing is bigger than love. Nothing is higher than love. Nothing is superior to love. Love is success, Love is happiness, Love is eternity. N yet, she is a common girl.

it was when i just started flowing
exuberant energies,heart pounding
going through every minute corner of the way
roaring n splashing n experiencing breathtaking sway
tumbling over so many unidentified pebbles
passing through n through, through those binding shackles
n one day reaching the end of the earth
realizing life isnt always a mirth
falling down all the way from a hilltop sky
banging head on on the sea bed with squalling cry
yet moving on, though this time very lowly n slow
energies all submerged, still holding on n willing to go
passing through each step softly n firmly
making ground before stepping, gradually
but this time finding more insights n purity beneath
holding on n standing concrete
making twists n turns wherever needed
planning carefully, giving ample time to concede it
flowing on more confidently n strongly than before
yet faltered again, this time reaching the barren shore
theres no way ahead, may be i chose the wrong path
though im dying out of thirst, but i wont lose my heart
will try again, to find me
if struggle is in my destiny, then may it be
i wont stop, i wont give in
i wont get dry so early, i would still be moving
ill flow till the time i become a sea
till the time i would never have to flow again
when existence would just be a form of me
there would be no rocks against me
no hilltop pushing me down to fall painfully
when drowning in me would make everything eternal
when all would be one, no distinction,no boundaries
ill make it happen someday i know
ill make everything dissolve n flow
that would be a perfect world blended into one
the change has already begun..

an article by GANOBA

The two words Prey and Pray have come to mean the same thing in modern
parlance.
What an irony?
Pain and suffering are part of life. When we refuse to acknowledge
this truth, the vicious cycle of misery begins.
To complicate matters, we begin hold others responsible for our
suffering. Taking revenge to settle the score is the beginning of the
slide to hell.
Misery leads one to miserliness. We then begin to feel, that what we
have, is not enough. The strategy to deal with insufficiency is "beg,
borrow or steal". Pray or Prey. If we succeed in this strategy then it
gets reinforced. If we fail then we fall back on blaming others for
the failure.
Thus the vicious cycle is set into motion.
How do we get out of it?
The virtue of "santosh" is the liberator. Santosh means cultivating
the feeling that what ever we have is more than enough. Why more than
enough? Because, at all times we have enough for our needs and more to
spare for others.
Santosh is one of the 10 Yam-Niyam. It is not a passive defeatist
stance. It involves making full use of what we have for the larger
good. Mother Teresa tells of a heart warming story. She had taken food
to a hungry family. The lady thanked her and then took half the food
to her neighbor. When Mother asked her what she had done with half the
food, she said, "I cannot eat all of it when I know my neighbor is
also hungry." This is Santosh.
Ganoba

I LOVE YOU
I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT U, OR HARM U
EVERYTHING HAS BEEN DONE FOR YOUR GOOD
I AM THE MOTHER OF ALL YOUR EMOTIONS
ITS DUE TO ME THAT YOU SEE WHAT YOU SEE
I AM, THEREFORE YOU ARE
YOU WOULD FIND ME EVERYWHERE
YET YOU WONT BE ABLE TO FEEL ME THROUGH THESE HUMAN SENSES
I HAVE NOT EVEN GIVEN YOU THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHO I AM
JUST ENJOY LIVING AND LIVE ENJOYINGLY
I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU FOREVER
YOUR ONLY LOVE
GOD

no one knows what they r running for
just running
blinded by some petty issue
not seeking anything permanent
finding reasons to excuse ourselves from solutions
looking for more complexities
no family
no love
just something which no one has seen
which no one has ever got
killing looting hurting betraying
has human become so fond of blood
i pity myself
for being a company to such souls
i find difficulty to find myself in this filth
suffocated..
caged..
buried..

a million things
millions of thoughts
zero action
zero effort
a few things
very very few thoughts
100% action
100% efforts
this is the life i wana live.

dont wana reason out now
i know already wat i did was for good
dont wana ask anything
no complains
no grudges
no expectations
n no explanations
just remain happy
yes i did wanted it to make ideal
but now i want to make it eternal
i will, coz i know ur still there, with me
doesnt matter if i cant see u or hear u
i can feel u
i can drowse in ur presence
this alone wud take me to a higher level of knowing myself
thank you..for giving me this way..

main bhool jau tumhen
ab yahi munasib hai
main bhool jau tumhen
ab yahi munasib hai
magar bhulana bhi chahu to kis tarah bhoolu
ki tum to phir bhi haqeeqat ho koi khwab nahin
yaha to dil ka ye alam hai kya kaho
bhula saka na ye vo silsila
jo tha bhi nahi
wo ek khayal jo awaz tak gaya hi nahi
wo ek baat jo main keh nahi saka tumse
wo ek rabt jo ham mein kabhi raha hi nahi
mujhe hai yaad wo sab jo kabhi hua hi nahi
agar ye haal hai dil ka to koi samjhaye
tumhe bhulana bhi chahu to kis tarah bhoolu
ki tum to phir bhi haqeeqat ho koi khwaab nahin

its too dark to walk in here
but dont worry, ill keep walking
no matter if you cant pull me out of this right now
i know that you are in dark too
ill keep walking till the time you find light
there are some pot holes, some ditches
but it wouldnt spoil my purity
it can harm my physical image though
but thats not all no?
i know, in our relationship, this image doesnt matter
i know that people around u,want u to look at the image only
but in the long run, we would win
ill wait..ill wait chia, for you to realize
i know u will..bcoz i know u more than u

I am following you God
I cant see you
I cant hear you anymore
People doubt even your presence
But im depending on you for my life
It wont matter if you take it nowhere
It wont matter if i get nothing
What have i got anyways from anybody
I feel that you exist
Because silence n emptiness is all we get, whatever we do
N silence, cant be seen, cant be heard
Neither can emptiness
N so are you
I want to follow you
I want to merge with this silence
So as when people speak, i can unhear them
so that my self, get this power of speaking silently
N I want to become a part of this emptiness
So that even if my heart fills with grief
It can remain empty
So that when any emotion takes over
I can still remain numb
I want to be a part of you
So that I can experience life, beyond life.

do you know what you have done
do you realize the outcome
if not yet
the stage is now set
come n have a look
come n see your own handwritten book
every page would reveal its story
every letter would cry for the lost glory
try to analyze those hidden blood stains
dropped by my weeping eyes, in pain
come n see
those torn pages crumbled, of history
a history which you shared with me
trying to explore the love of eternity
for once come at least
to see the death of your deceit
i gave everything that i had to you
never missed out to do something special for you
but it was so easy for you to just leave
just so easy to murder our relationship, our daughter, whom you never conceived
you never wrote the best of you on on the pages of my life
you would never know my anguish, my internal strife
i still miss you n would always
the hurt you caused would remain with me throughout nigh n days
you might have never understood what you meant to me
n i have no right to even explain what i wanted you to be
God has guided me till now
n He would take me out of this, somehow
i wish you never go through what i have undergone
i wish you never feel heartbroken n torn
thats what i mean when i say i love you
God bless you..

just when i found myself free
you bounded me in chains mysteriously
when i tried to run out
you carved me on the wall to shout
what is it that you want from me
why arent you letting me be
give me silence or ill snatch it
i wont think of any consequence
ill ruin it, damn it
let me be out of the pretence
let me know who i am
let me feel my pain myself
let me stand up without help
dont do me a favor anymore
let me plunge into cynicism
have had enough of "pure"
scare me nomore
with your notions of perfection n idealism
let me face the naked truth
let me enjoy the poisoned fruit

started a new life
set for a new tomorrow
eyes still facing the past
heart still beholding sorrow
walking in madness
throwing hands out of control
pushing away from reality
getting blind to any newer role
just getting along deliberately
being cruel desperately
overwhelmed by pain
feeling naked in the winter rain
breathless
emotionless
hurt
unearthed
yet....moving on in silence
finding self in remembrance

Blinded

My life is moving on
Im not able to cope up
Seems ive lost everything
I don’t know how to keep my hopes up
I‘m realizing the world around me
Totality is what I am trying to see
But minor affairs are devouring my energy
Gradually I am losing my serenity
With every moment passing by
I am more willing to die
I have been blinded in love
My thoughts force me to unnerve
I am unable to see my good
I find it difficult to accept
I have never been the way I should
People used me, deceived me, scammed me,
Plagued my mind, Molested my purity
and now I am left to my destiny
I am blinded
I don’t want to unfold the mystery
I don’t want to make more people a part of the misery
Why can’t I just be
I don’t want to answer anyone
I don’t have any complains
Let me burn in the sun
How can I expect from those who don’t even know me
When my own pushed me to waters in the rising sea
When even my own soul deserted me
And left me lonely
To face the death of this relationship painfully
I see my child dead in this war
My efforts effacing, carving an end to what I always strived for
All the hidden faces have come out of their makeover
Everything is over, my heart cries, everything is now over.

Cruelty or helplessness
I cared for you like my daughter
I cherished you like an angel
You disowned me in laughter
Was it so easy to handle
I still never want to let you down
But why do you treat me like a clown
You have made a mockery of me
You have made our eternal relation a history
What did I not give you
When did I disrespect you
I have been convicted of devaluing my God
I have been convicted of misusing the rights which I sought
I wish I could tell the world without telling
What the relationship was in which we were dwelling
Coz if I tell, I would cause shame to you
I always wished never to let feel the same to you
You are binding me to do what I don’t want to
God, give me the courage, to uphold the dream I pursue
I know now nothing can make things right
I know now, darkness would never give way to eternal light
This night would never end
It might have a new tomorrow
But yesterday won’t be able to ascend
I wish I I could send a hint of my pain across
So that you can realize its not me, its you going through a bigger loss
You are fighting the truth, the serenity
You are yet unaware of the divinity
And when it would dawn over you
It would be too late to begin new
What have you done my beloved?
Why did you be so cruel to our love?

Is baar nahi

Us baar nahi

Phir bhi sharmsaar nahi

Kitne vaado ka sarokar nahi

Kitni kasme sakaar nahi

Soch me raftaar nahi

Shaheedo se vyavhaar nahi

Desh ke prati pyar nahi

Phir bhi bhrashto ki haar nahi

Kya sach me ham laachaar nahi

Kya desh ab bhi khuddar nahi

Bas ab seh sakte ham baar baar nahi

Ab to jag jao, mat kaho ki desh ko darkaar nahi

Lahoo bahane ko karo inkaar nahi

Aapas me karo taqraar nahi

Ban chalo ek, keh do ab bas

Sehen aur bhrashtachaar nahi

Hamari ekta, hamari shanti

Bas ab aur koi vichaar nahi

Is baar nahin..

Is baar nahin
Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi
mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga
Panapney doonga uski tees ko
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale
Dard ko risney doonga, utarney doonga andar gehrey
Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo
main dawa lagata hoon
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake
Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye
Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai
Gaur se
Thoda lambe wakt tak
Kuch faisley
Aur uskey baad hausley
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai

-Prasoon Joshi

you never understood me,
you never understood what i wanted to be.
you would never understand, that what i did, was for your own good,
you would never understand my sacrifice, of myself, for no good,
atleast by my sacrifice, i made you realize,
that you are not caged, you're still a bird,
though you may feel won,
but actually its me who won,
what i wanted, i have achieved,
i wanted you to be free, to fly in the open sky,
though i have lost you, but im not grieved,
because you have elevated my spirits to a new high,
see, now you can fly..
my tears get dry..when i think...you fly..

im at peace now,
im still the unbeaten knight,
n im not going to let myself burn,
in not going to feel the brunt,
im going to fight,
im going to achieve my rights,
i wont allow myself to starve through those cold nights,
or let myself feel lowly in those dim lights,
let the world know, im alive.
i cant decide my destiny, so what,
i cant predict laws of eternity, so what,
im ready to face the consequences of my actions,
i dont care wrong or right,
im going to fight.
now let the strong wind oppose me,
let the sea knock over me,
im not going to get weak,
im not going to sneak,
ill stand upright.
im ready to face the bellows over me,
im ready to make myself eternally free,
let them know,
im not the same anymore,
i have infinite times more love to give,
and even more broader view of life to live,
my emotions have achieved much heavier voice,
n my beliefs have attained new unreachable heights,
in these shade of bright lights,
im ready to fight.
im ready to keep,
all those memories so deep,
all those moments which elated my life,
of my princess, my beloved wife,
im going to keep her along,
like an eternal song, on my lips,
in my heart, as the best of my friendships,
im going to use it as my might,
keeping it alongside, ill fight.
n im going to win,
im going to erase all those uncommitted sins,
im going to make streangth of my fright,
im going to fight.
i dont need any help,
i dont need wealth,
i dont need to prove to anyone now,
im just going to experiece life my way,
n i wont allow anyone's say,
my family is by my side,
only to them, i will abide,
im going to snatch my rights from life,
im going to fight.
im happy now God is my guide.

war against terror..

well, i do agree that india has somewhat woken up. but i also believe that most of it is due to the fact that media is playing a role in it. we might call it a negative or a positive according to each ones view point. but the fact still remains there only. the problem still remains there only. im here in mumbai right now, but i hardly see any impact on the masses, leaving out some of the NGO's and some TV artists. The TV artists n celebrities might again be doing all this for their own image only. who knows? as far as normal citizens are concerned, they dont have a choice. they have to work. they have to move on. ont the other hand, shouting slogans, or going for peace march alone wont do any thing. one minister reisgning, others taking their responsibilities wont again solve the problem. after all we all are indians. the product of the same system. we have been doing it since long. n most of us, would still continue to adapt to the same standards of living. we have been ingrained with it. recently when a minister made a rude speach for the family members of major unnikrishnan, thw whole media made a hype of it, but what happens when normal people disrepect those who sacrifice their lives on border. we only think of them when they get "shaheed". what a shame on us.untill n unless, everything is reformed from the scratch, this would go on. today, even if one thing is changed, one law modified, it wont make a difference. it has taken a long time to make us this way, n would take a lot more time to bring a change. everything that is happening in India right now, all the revolts, all the protests, are just a way to increase TRP's of some news channels, inspired by the channel themselves. How many people that we know are participating in it? because each one of us is busy following the rituals of the system. Even if the government takes any hard step on this issue, it would just be to increase their own vote bank for the overhead elections. In these circumstances, a common man can do nothing, but lament, to be a part of this society, where a man is so much engrossed in making money name n fame, that nothing else matters. people die, so let them, untill one of our own dies.These governments are just good for making parks, roads, metros, malls etc. they can never run a country.Talking about government, it has become so dirty, that people dont even consider it an option to go into politics. n those who do, are made fun of.our country wouldnt grow to become a nation, untill we, the educated youth, take bold steps. its time for us to form parties n fight elections, rather than depending on those who are hardly bothered about anything except their own tummies. its time for the young generation to take up politics, n give the system a new shape n colour.i dont know what the result of this tragedy would be..i just hope that it lasts long enough so as more tragedies never get space to come up.jai hind.

i know now what the reason is..
but i cant defame you..the way you did..
i am hurt..that u didnt understand me even once..
that u didnt think of me when u needed..
my fault is..that i wanted you to understand..
i was at loss both ways..then why did i choose this stand..
atleast then, i could have been there..
now i cant be there at all..
i wanted something for your betterment..
but instead of lifting you to that level..i had deep fall..
n now, when im in hell..i cant even call you..
but i can never do.. what you did to me..
atleast if not better, you are at the same level that u used to..
im glad even if at my stake..u could achieve your freedom..
i tried so hard for u to achieve it when we were together..
atleast now i can take the credit solely..
thanks anyways..to make my this dream come true..
but what about the others?
you know..our dream daughter has been killed..
our dreams have been killed..
i do feel the pain..
but theres no way in which i could share it with you..
coz if i did, you would feel offended..
i can stay like this..but wont offend you..
i just pray..that you be happy this way..
that you realize this freedom till the end..
i wont come in your life again..

mai khush hu..par kya tum khush ho..
jaanta hu..ek din aega..jab ye sab bahot yaad aega..
par us din..ham ham nahi honge..hamare gam..ye gam nahi honge..
wo sapna..jise hamne janm diya tha sapno me..wo mar chuka hoga..
koi aur hame ham hi se alag kar ke..
apna chuka hoga..hamari jagah le chuka hoga..
wo din bhi aega..jab hame hamari taaqat ke na hone ka ehsas hoga..
jab hame apni zindagi, kisi aur ke raaste me khone ka ehsas hoga..
raaste to phir bhi jaane pehchane se lagenge..
par manzile kahi peechhe chhoot chuki hongi..
aur yu hi ham bina kisi manzil ke..raasta banate chale jaenge..
kabhi khud ko samjhaenge..kabhi in sari yaado ko juthlaenge..
ab to shayad wo waqt bhi nikal gaya..jab ham wapas mud sakte..
ab shayad ham phir se..kabhi nahi jud sakte..
mann me kaduahat aur zehen me baukhlahat si hai..
bhale hi buniyad toot gayi ho..par chaahat abhi bhi dabi si hai..
abhi bhi gam ki raat me subah ka intezar hai..
par parde ke peechhe subah bhi to sharmsaar hai..
dard hai..par dukhta nahi hai ab..
bhala bejan rooh ka..badan se kya matlab..
ye sach hai ki tumse zindagi khushrang thi..
tumhari khushiya mere jeene ki umang thi..
ab ye umang amar ho gayi hai..
meri prarthnao me..meri kaamnao me sirf tumhari khushi hai..
kabhi to tum yaad karogi na mujhe..
wo yaadein hi bas apne naam kar lunga..
tumhe haar ke..tumhari khushiyo ko jeet lunga..
kar lo chaahe jitna bhi badnam tum..
tumhara naam phir bhi apne naam se jod ke rakhunga..
mujhe gam nahi tumhare saath na hone ka..
tumhari yaadein hain mere saath hamesha..
kabhi ehsas ho..to bas ek baar mann se baat kar lena..
akele me apne andar base hue un sare palo ka ehsas kar lena..
yaad hi sahi..kuchh to tumhe batakar tumhe de paya hu mai..
kaha himmat padi kabhi ki tumhe bata pau..tum se kya paya hu mai..
wapas aana kabhi..to kuchh aur baate karenge..
jo kasar poori nahi kar pae samajhne me..wo bhi poori kar lenge..
dost bankar hi sahi..thoda aur jee lenge..thoda aur mar lenge..
intezar rahega us din ka..par tab tak ye aasu bhi khushi se pee lenge..
ham kisi tarah jee lenge..ham kisi tarah jee lenge..

love..

when do you know that you really love..
when you feel you are the same soul as your loved one..
when you do everything n loose your own identity for love..
when you compromise on everything of your choice to make your loved one happy..
when you remain silent however hurt you are..just to see your loved one happy..
when you part with the one you know you cant survive without..
when you just pray that your loved one always remains happy...even if he/she has stabbed you to death..
i dont know what is right or wrong..im just following..

well, i dont know what i am going to write today. just want to write.
somethings in life are really worth experiencing. like for example..when you know that you cant live without something, n u r engrossed in the feeling, n suddenly that thing gets cut off from you..
its a mixed feeling..a happiness, that something got independent of your dependence...n a feeling that its hard to survive..even if that means curbing the independence..
a feeling that a "moh" has ended..and at the same time a feeling that this "moh" can never die..
another example of the same kind is...when you feel that you are flooded with thoughts n responsibilities...n u come to know suddenly.. that you have lost..that you were never responsible enough..
its hard to experience...but the feeling overwhelms you when you have been through it..

aisi kya khata ki thi maine ..
jo meri zindagi yu phisal gayi..
mere be-panaah pyar ki roshni se..
shayad mere hi pyar ki chita jal gayi..
pyar bhi kiya to kya kiya maine..
mere hi haatho se meri zindagi nikal gayi..
jab samjha pyar hai aseemit aur apaar..
tab hi ek chhoti si chingari aag me badal gayi..
kya pata tha..meri hi taaqat mujhe nisto naboot kar degi..
jo aag jalayi zindagi ko roshan karne ke liye..
wahi aag zindagi ko shamshan me badal gayi..

again the dark night is here..

again it has brought some unanswered questions..

life has become as dark as the night itself..

it would have been so better if i was away..

it seems as if first time in life..

im not able to bear the screams of the silence inside me..

i am craving for something..

which was more dear to me..than my own self..

i wish i could portray my thoughts to the person concerned..

but i can not..

not because i feel that my respect would be lost..

but because if i do try...i might under value her decision..

as it is i have done a lot to hurt..

so now let me endure the hurt...

instead of sharing it..

atleast there would be some less hurt for her..

God, i pray...be there...ur needed badly..

show us the way..

even if i try to

im unable to

become as normal as i want to

n that in itself has complications too

without a solution, to turn to

i dont know where my life is heading to

but to open my eyes n see, i dont know whether i want to

im just doing wat life wants me to

im just following the path blindly which God wants me to

may be that is the actual thing right now to turn to

i miss u..

n i know that u miss me too

but why is this happening which is happening, i dont know too..

in search..

i sometimes wonder why i have grown. it was so much better to be a child.  i remember people use to tell me that its really good to be in your age, coz u r free of so much stress n worries. n i used to think, its so much better to be an adult. u can discuss things, u can be logical, u can live your own life, without any limitation or boundations . i used to think that when we grow up, we dont need to ask anyone, we can just do what our mind says. n now that ive grown up, i feel the total opposite. its so much better to be a kid. atleast people dont expect you to be a grown up when u r a child. im seeing now how my relationships are tumbling down like a castle of cards. n the reason is, coz ive grown up. coz now i try to logically define relationships. n even if i dont, expectations of my near n dear ones, from me as an adult, is killing the relationship gradually. n in all this while, what ive blundered most severely is my loss of soulmate. I shouldnt have grown to an age where one tends to find a soulmate in someone else, other than his own self or God. N when this dream of his breaks, he is totally left shattered. n for this sole reason i feel, it was so much better to be a kid. u get along with other girls n guys so casually. so beautifully. theres no heart break or hurt. u just play, have fun n forget. there r really less emotional attachments, less sharing of feelings etc etc. but when we grow up, the situation changes. this same casual n fun giving friendship changes to an emotional bond. n if a person is pure at heart, n not playful, he suffers. this is not just a case of one life or one culture. i feel in every persons life, this stage comes, at the time of transition from a kid to an adult. n then, some get along with it in a positive way, n the rest move on. 

anyways, i just wish, i could again become a child. if not physically, then atleast mentally. i wont mind then, if people start calling me mentally disabled. because its high time that i listened to everyone. now i want to be just me.

still in search of me..

 

my world seems to be in darkness..

there's just pain, helplessness n emptiness..

whichever way i turn to.. 

there's just blackness..

may be because im scared to open my eyes..

to let go off the wetness..

i am just enjoying my loneliness..

i am actually loving my loneliness..

i just pray that i dont have to pay..

but then, im prepared too for that roughness..

its a feeling of lifelessness..

so much of unsaid unheard harass..

im learning the experiences of barrenness..

im enjoying the fruits of emptiness..

disturbed chaotic unsettled emptiness..

my health doesnt show...

im not unwell or unhappy..

but im facing a peculiar illness..

my soul n body have decided to discontinue the oneness..

yet there's no confusion, but an everlasting stillness..

im watching my life go by..

unlike so many others, i dont feel the restlessness..

I AM JUST HAPPILY BEING A PART OF THIS UNWANTED MESS..

helpless, ashamed, afraid, alone..

what do i feel?

its become a joke..

i actually have options to select from..

its not imaginary this time..its real..

dont know what i did was what?

dont wana predict my life..

let it be this way..

i dont want anymore hurt n dismay..

leave me alone..

n let me experience..

my solitude..

sambhal kar chal ae dil..

is raah pe kayi pathar milenge..

kuchh kaanto ke daldal milenge..

jisme doob ke jana hoga..

kuchh kaanto ke dil milenge..

jinko dil se lagana hoga..

chubhe to chillana mat..

agar chillaya to log sun lenge..

aur ye log apne janmo ke kasayi hain..

tumhe phansi chadha denge..

par tu darna mat..

zindagi me kuchh tajurbe aise bhi hain..

jo un sab dard se aur bhi zada sukhdayi honge..

aise sukh..jo ki ishwar ne bheje hain..

bas..tum chalte rehna..muskurate rehna..

zindagi yuhi beet jaegi..

aur jab zindagi ke ant me ishwar milenge..

to unse apne sukh ke liye shukriya karna..

aur dukh ke liye kaamna..

jisse ki tumhare dukh..un dukho ko kam kar de..

jo tumhare jaise kayi aur dilo ko milenge..

ae dil, tum akele nahi ho..

mai hu saath..

tumhare su-hrid ne tumhe chhod diya to kya..

tumhare Ishwar tumhe kayi aur dilo me milenge..

dhoondh lo un dilo ko..

aur bas..apne sneh se..har lo..jeet lo Ishwar ko..

mai hu saath..

bas tumhare liye..

a conversation with myself..

what dreams are you talking about..

a bunch of humorous jokes..

theres no such thing as bounded love..

no wishes, no desires, no hopes..

its no better than burning in hell..

bounded by blood stained spiky ropes..

you are doomed to live this way..

for mercy theres no scope..

you better die than live..

but living too would be no lesser than dying..

so you live or die..

it wont be a different show..

however heart broken, injured and hurt you may be..

your injuries wont have an end..

till the time you are cut to pieces..

your life wont apprehend..

just go on living, n crying for pity..

remember if u show it through emotions..

you would loose your serenity..

all the best for your living death..

may your soul be never at rest..

i got more than i deserved..

yet i did, what i shouldnt..

y dont i understand..

im not in heaven..its earth..

there arent angels here..

never can they be..

tear open my eyes God,

make me see..

for how many times more would i endure..

let there be an end..

this inhumane world is killing me..

may b this is my destiny..

ill succumb to my own pains..

ill drown n die in my own tears..

i am a useless dustbin..so u can throw me easily..i wont mind..

i have been thrown earlier too..n will be thrown in future again..

just throw me..i wont feel hurt..

i wont feel anything..throw me hard..

how does it matter to anyone..

how does it matter to me..

play with me..n throw me..

i dont have a heart...nor a mind to think..

i dont have a mouth..nor an ear to hear..

curse me..bash me..push me away..

but for Gods sake..once n for all..

end it.

i felt so calm after a walk..
speechless n still..
as if all the roar has subsided down deep inside..
as if all the heaviness flowed down through my eyes..
so many expectations n thoughts just vanished..
a silent river started flowing in me..
a river which has no directions..
yet its moving on..
it could climb high mountains now..
or fall though great valleys..
theres no sound...now..
its just breathing slowly..
i love this feeling..
as i am getting dissolved in it..
i am accepting myself to my surroundings..
i felt so calm after a walk..

what does one feel..when he is suddenly stranded..
when everything seems to be going so good..
but then suddenly feels ended..
when a communion used to be formed..
yet suddenly one is left shocked n stunned..
when a balance that used to be maintained is ruined..
i miss that support of my soul..
i miss the person who made me whole..
when we had equal rights, then how did just one sided decision preceded..
why was the harmony that we shared receded..
ill wait for the consortium to again be formed..
ill wait for the moment when silence would be stormed..
when things would get better than before..
when there would be calm winds replacing the roar..

what did i do,
did i complicate my life,
or did i ease it..

did i put my self in slump again,
or did i release it..

am i really happy about it,
or am i lying to myself..

am i helping myself,
or do i desperately need help..

all i know is..
i miss you more badly than i think i do..
May God always keep you happy..

a silent day inside..
jubilating sounds of birthday outside..

numbness inside..
dead feelings outside..

many unanswered questions inside..
peace n calmness outside..

distance inside..
concord outside..

rumbling inside..
fumbling outside..

lost everything inside..
loosing grounds outside..

being away..

is it the truth unveiling its identity
or is it the devil in me boasting itself

what should i feel
should i feel happy on this occasion?
or should i just nurture the thought of my loss?


i dont know
i am just lost
and i am liking it

i am liking my being..away..

just a song but true..

chupke se kahin, dheeme paanv se
jaane kis taraf, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye hamse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi the yahin
kuchh bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvida

jinke darmiya guzri thi abhi
kal tak yeh meri zindagi
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida
alvida, alvida, meri raahein alvida
meri saansein kehti hain, alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

sunle bekhabar, yun aankhein pher kar aaj tu chali ja
dhundegi nazar humko hi magar har jagah
aisi raaton mein leke karvate, yaad hamein karna
aur phir haar kar kehna kyun magar, keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, abb kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

ham the dil jale, phir bhi dil kahe
kaash mere sang aaj hote tum agar, hoti har dagar gulsita
tumse hai khafa, hum naaraaz hai, dil hai pareshaan
socha na suna tune kyun bhala keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, abb kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

i dont want to think anymore..
i dont want to experiment anymore..

i want to be just me now..
i just dont want to depend on anyone somehow..

dont ask me to be calm..
dont try to put any comforting balm..

if you really wana help me..
just leave me alone and free me..

listen..

do you hear it?

do you hear the rumbling inside?

what does it say?

does it tell you to live, or to suicide?

do you feel numb?

ha, how sarcastic..

we dont even have control over our feelings..

helpless...

its so strange sometimes. when the person u want to talk to is just in front of you, when the dream you want to make come true is in front of you, n yet you back off. from deep inside a feeling comes n overcomes you to not do what you most want to do. your inner self feels so much scared to be hurt again that you dont feel like doing anything at all. somebody has said rightly, one who doesnt take a risk, never actually does anything new in his life. but for me, im just too scared. im too weak. risking it for the people whom i love, i cant do it. im happy to keep feeling hurt, to keep feeling the pain, rather than taking the risk of hurting my loved ones ever in future.
after all this, i am still lost, still helpless. i have been under the shadow for long. facing the naked sunlight again is hurting me. but now, i have to learn to fight it. i cant go on searching for shadows. for sometime it does sooth you. but ultimately the brunt of the pain has to be undergone by me alone. so just leme be...however helpless i be..

dard hai,
aasu hain,
ehsas hai,
tanhayi hai.

ek bhara hua dil hai,
ek soona mann hai,
ek bejaan dimag hai,
sookha adhmara badan hai.

kabhi wapas jud jaane ka vishwas,
kabhi ek anant khamoshi ka ehsas,
mann me kabhi na thamne wali halchal,
zehen me sab kuchh kho dene ka abhaas.

khamoshi bhi cheekhti hai,
mann ki cheekhe sunayi nahi deti,
dil ki dhadkan tadap me badal gayi hai,
saanse kotuhal sa machati rehti hain.

jo dil chahta hai, wo dimag manta nahi,
khud se khud hi alag ho gaya hu,
apni khushi ke liye, apno ki khushi qurban karu,
aisa mai nahi.

chalta ja raha hu,
bas chalte jana hai,
jaha Ishwar le jaye,
ab wahi bas mera thikana hai..

are you there?

i see you there
yet i dont

i know you are there
yet you are not

i talk to you
yet i dont talk at all

i touch you
without any presence at all

i feel you within me
but i am not alive

i want to be with you
but i dont exist

why do i feel that you are there
when i know that you are not

i dont know what is real
and what, a dream

i am made to feel
theres only me, no you

there was always just me
no you

if i were given a chance
i would want to know

do you really exist
were you ever there..

come into my world..

you have been enduring me for long
you have been steady n strong

you stood by me when i needed support
you understood me when i lost my rapport

you gave me strength to go on
you confided in me even when i was wrong

but i kept on believing on my false intuitions
and kept on delving in unwanted, hurting situations

now the time has come, when i have lost it all
i know i dont have a right to say now, but still
please take me to your world
where i could make up for my fall

take me wherever you want to
just take me away
i dont want to be here any more
take me, i pray

i lost communication with you
when i got in touch with her
her,
whom i considered my soulmate
my fate
my destiny
my life to be
never realized what the result would be

my soul
i miss you now
i miss that time which i should have spent with you
in solitude
it was you whom i was searching for
it was you who could have made me more pure

take me away from this world
where emotions dont have any meaning
where feelings are just mere mood swings

take me away
ill follow
this world is crippling me slowly
save me from the poison each day i swallow

my soul
let the pain subside for sometime
take me to a place
where i can reside in peace for sometime

take out life from me
make me numb, free me

i pray to you
take me away
come soon
give me strength to endure the pain
each day..

amiss..

That time has gone,
when things went good,
now there are just nightmares,
and an unfriendly mood.

What wrong did i do,
where did i leave an open end,
i just want to yell out to the sky,
is there no way to mend.

I still have that image of her in my mind,
may be that was the reason that she left,
because her image in my mind, made me blind,
n i could not see her in reality, getting distressed.

Life can never be perfect,
it has to go on like this,
n now i want to be in this mess,
i want to be amiss.

this is not poetry..

U have never loved me.
U have only loved the image U have had, of me.
Since the time U were young, U had dreamed that Ur dream should have certain qualities.
U found them in me and stopped your quest.
Ur image of perfection was complete.
It was so complete, that U looked for no bad qualities, and never found them.
Or they stared at Ur face, and U let go.
What U perceived, reigned supreme.
That pure, ethereal image took over U.
And U were helpless.
Like any worldly person would think in such a situation, U also thought.
And believed, to think.
And thought, to believe.
That U are in love.
With me.
That Ur heart is flowing out with praise, admiration and respect.
For me.
But no.
It was an image of mine Ur mind had taken to.
Not me.
It was a perception of mine U were in love with.
Not me.
Once that changed, all else changed.

Angels became demons.
Demons became angels.

Angels and demons.

Friends became strangers.
Strangers became friends.

Friends and strangers.

U said that I had changed.
But it was only Ur perception of me that had changed.

No.
U have never ever loved me.
U have only loved the image u have had, of me…………………….


...written by amrita sabat

...

Is the day beautiful today..
or is it just a day..
passing by as the others do..
unstoppable..
even if they try to..
i wish i could just be a day..
which could pass by..
a lot of times unnoticed..
just in a routine..
i really dont want to be seen..
i cant erase my identity..
or mould my destiny..
but i can just go on living..
without uttering..
my eyes hurt..
as they want to cry but they cant..
because i dont want to do anything..
i just want to experience the stillness..
the silence within me..
whining n calling me..
its alone..
it wants to be with me..
to moan..
oh i wish so badly..
to be with that silence..
to feel the acute pain..
which has arisen in me somewhere..
eating me up..
making me exhausted..
i wish i could.
be just a silence..

help me..

Finally the time has come when im writing something which I had been pushing out since a last few days. Its strange some time to think of the world that we are living in. What are we thinking is happening, and what actually is happening. N the best thing is, none of us cares.

Serial blasts one after the other is becoming so common that now people hardly think of it. Once I remember Raju Srivastava (stand-up comedian) narrating the same kind of incident in his comedy script. Co-incidentally, it has come true.

What are we breeding in young minds? Now people hardly care if a blast occurs. So many movies are being made, so many awareness programs are being run, but is the Indian Mass paying heed?

A few days back, at L-18 , Jamia Nagar, a few students were caught as terrorist. Some of them were butchered and some jailed. Some lucky ones got opportunity to run away. The vice chancellor Jamia University says, they were kids, and shouldn’t be prosecuted. If we think on his point of view, he is totally right. Juvenile minds can be molded to any form. They can be made terrorist, as well as they could be made saint. Its upto us how we want to see them as. Talking about those two students who ran away, what other choice do they have except for being a terrorist? Even if they weren’t terrorist, do they have a choice. N if they were, n want to change, do they have a choice?

A person tagged as terrorist has no choice, other than becoming a real “khoonkhar” terrorist. Imagine yourself at the place of that person who has done nothing. Who has just done one crime, that he has taken birth in a house of a muslim. What would you feel when people tag you as a terrorist? How many people would you tell, that you are not a terrorist. In the end you will also have only one choice.

This controversy is not started actually by hindus or muslims. Today they might tag a muslim as terrorist, tomorrow, to increase their vote banks, it would be something else. It might be whole of Uttar Pradesh for instance, tagged as terrorist. And the common man, would believe it then too. Because the common man had a body, has a shape, has brains, but doesn’t have eyes. He is blind.

Talking about common mans blindness, I would like to mention here, that has ever the common man realized, what actually is happening. Muslims all over the world are becoming the supreme power. They are spreading like fire all over. And due to this cheap politics played by some corrupt ministers, muslims all over the world, are becoming one across the boundaries. Muslims now don’t belong to any country or state. They consider to be called just as muslims. Wherever you find, Indian forum, American forum, Russian forum, there would be a separate forum for muslims.

And if we observe more minutely, then it’s the muslims who are actually ruling the world. Whether it be muslims from Saudi, who owns oil wells and are the only source of income for American banks, or from Israel, who has so much power, that it even can shake America. Muslims are everywhere. And their principle is something which we all should learn.

Nobody in todays world is united. Every nation wants to take over the other nation. Every nation wants to become capable to fight the rest of the world. But nobody is thinking of unity. Only muslims are thinking of it. They are already working on it. That is the reason why a muslim is never an Indian or afghan or Israeli. He is just a muslim.

I don’t know what the future has in store for us. Neither do I want to predict.

But surely it disturbs my mind, that we human beings, have divided ourselves so much, that we ourselves are paving way for our end.

Cant we just remain human beings. The same “homo sapiens” that used to be. Why do we have to have different religion or different nations or any boundaries at all. Why cant we be just one?

Let it be His way...

Sometimes presence of God around us is so strongly felt. We are given no choice. But to believe in Him, and accept His plan. May be its His way to make us aware of his presence.

Mumbai meri jaan

Yesterday I saw Mumbai meri jaan. My say on the movie is, Indian bollywood has been elevated to a new height in the recent past. Movies like summer 2007, Dor, Black n White, a Wednesday and to an extent “C” kompnay have not been made only for the box office, but to awaken the sleeping mankind.
Indian film industry is indeed doing a fantabulous job by making movies on subjects which no one likes to touch. Which no one likes to speak about. Not only is it making people aware of the facts n reality, but also lessening the gap that has come between humans.
Mumbai meri jaan for example might appear to some of the audiences as just a a story about the situation after the blasts in Mumbai. I feel that theres more to it, played by actor Paresh Rawal.
The concept of common man has been common in these films. How a common man feels is clearly portrayed by the script. And not only the helplessness of a common man, but also what a common man can do, is depicted. A common man has the strongest power in his hands. Whereas on the contrast, common man feels that he can do nothing. If a common man comes down to doing something, he alone would be sufficient to shake n break all the negativities in the society. What is needed is awareness. Awareness of how to use his powers, so that it goes in a positive direction only, n another Godhra is not created again.
When a common man revolts, a mob of revolutionaries (actively or passively) follow him. This mob should know which direction to take, otherwise it just creates another problem instead of a solution.
Father of the nation Mahatma Gandhi was one such figure who knew how to steer the mob in a positive direction. It doesn’t take any extra powers to become a leader like that. We just need to realize the main motto of our lives, of our revolution. Its not necessary to become a leader. Its not necessary to create disturbances. What is necessary is, to bring a positive change in the society.
Aggression or offensiveness isn’t needed. Calm minds with deeper insights are needed. A clear purpose is needed for a revolution. A revolution which is not aimed at harming, but creating more peace, is needed. For this revolution, one doesn’t have to go n sit on roads. One doesn’t need to protest. One just needs to understand. Understanding their own selves n everyone around them. One needs to be reminded of brotherhood. One needs to be reminded that everyone of us is made of the same tissue n bone. Everyone of us has blood flowing through our veins. Everyone of us is the same creation of God. The first n foremost thing about being alive is, we are similar creation of God. It hurts everyone the same way when some harm is caused. Religion, castes, status, all these are man made things. If everyone around the world is stripped off with the name, religion, money, status etc, we would be the same common man. When at that time we can understand n accept each other,y cant we right now. Why cant we accept that we are one. That its just are ways of living which is different. Why should we do anything which could harm anyone in the world. What would we feel if we were at their place. And we would be, one day or the other.
People who know me say im impractical. I want you all to help me become practical. I want you all to suggest me ways.
Would you help?

system..God knows..

Every day theres some or the other news in the newspaper stating a murder probe going on without any outcome, or some bribary case, or some minister who has been freed in spite of having done so many crimes.

Everyday there are so many people who are fighting with the system for some or the other cause.

In every political or govt body theres an inner fight going on at some stage against the system.

In our day to day lives we find so many examples everyday where there are struggles, fights against the system, agitation..helplessness, corruption, improper functioning of the system etc etc.

And in all these issues the sufferers are the same people, like us, no different than us, who have to go through all the pain alone.

But we, human being, we the intellectual ones, wont care. We are so busy in earning money and fame, that we don’t have time for all these stupid things. And even if we do, why should we indulge in this dirty system politics. Its better to stay away.

We don’t realize this small thing, that this would one day come onto us also. This would one day be our own problem. And then, just like we are saying it right now, people would say for us. Why would they want to indulge for a fight that is our own.

This way our world wont go anywhere. We will always remain a part of this dirty system. We would always keep on knowingly or unknowingly encouraging the dirty system, until a day would come. That day, our lives would suffer the consequences. That day our daughter would be killed like arushi and we would be convicted for murder. That day our own family members would be run down by a car by some rich kid. That day our own parents would be killed just for petty some of money by the robbers. That day we would get no doctors at any hospital to save our kins.

But we, blinded by our own selfishness, wont ever understand this, until we go through it. The worst factor of our mankind is this, we don’t learn from others experiences. We wait for it to happen with us.

What happened with Mr. Bachchan recently is the example of same system politics. He can do so much for the society. He can be a real life hero, by making people aware of the system. By gradually making a change in the society. He has a great fan following too. But we humans, we say that we will reach an esteemed position in the society and then think of this. And when we reach that position, we start considering ourselves above than all of this petty politics.

What a shame on us!!

We just think of our own selves. Never do we think about those who are suffering daily. Never do we think to change the system, to atleast help for a cause.

Life is a circle. Everything would come back to us one day. Every single event would be repeated. Just the difference would be, that time it would be us.

We are not intended to jump into some fight or start a revolution. Neither are we expected to sacrifice everything we have. We just have to show a little gesture to those who are sufferings. How can we say that we cant change the system. There are 1.13 billion people in india. All we have to do is to make those people who are running the state, to follow the system in its exact form. Are 1.13 billion people in any way incapable of doing it?

Even if we spare just an hour per week to think about it, we can make a change. It starts from within us, not outside us.

All we are intended to do id, to form a society of like minded people. This way atleast with the help of technology we can support and discuss with each other.

If we want, we can do a lot. But do we really want it? Are we willing to save our own selves from this system?

And if not, then please do remember, your turn to bear the blade would come soon. That time, you wont have any option, but to curse yourself for not bringing in the change.

do you agree?

i feel that todays world is blindly searching for something which actually doesnt at all exist in the world. it exists in ones own inner self.
i have a joint family, n i feel, sometimes we become so insensitive towards our own relatives, for the sole reason that we start thinking of our own individual happiness. we start believing that whatever money we have for example, or the resources we have, are created by ourselves.we forget that it is just a role given to us,to play , n this money is a part of that role, not of our own self.
we start thinking of our happiness by making people around us down. whereas we should think that until n unless we make everyone around us happy, until n unless we make our souls happy, we wont be able to become happy from inside.
we stop compromising on small small things, for our materialistic happiness. n its there that we seclude ourselves from everyone thinking that we can be happier alone. its then that we start dividing ourselves, or to say, disuniting ourselves.
we stop looking at those actual happiness that we get in a family. we stop sharing the emotions or feelings of people around us. we become dead to our own self.
also, the only thing, i feel which can bind a family together is love,i feel. n love is not taking,but giving. n actually when we experience it we will feel that we get more happiness in giving than in getting.
n hence this phenomenon totally discards any boundations or expectations from someone whom you love. because one would obviously want the person whom one loves to be happy, in whichever way.
if we understand this basic phenomenon of love n family, we can make the whole world a family. n all we will have to do is, share their feelings n emotions, share love, n experience the only truth which exists in all of us, which is God.
in practice it may seem difficult, n impractical, but if we start thinking beyond our own selves, beyond just our own needs n happiness, we would start our journey on the road to oneness.
n then, the principle of vasudhaiv kutumbkam would definitely come true.

Chain Reaction

What it started out was with a mere need to spend time with my brother. His excitement about watching a movie was infectious. So with the little time that we had in our hands...we went to see the movie. The movie was great and we soon came out of the hall replaying the good scenes that we had witnessed on the screen for the past two hours.

Now what I don’t understand about Indian cinemas is why the air-conditioning is so darn cold. So call of nature beckoned me towards the loo.I had the parking ticket in my hand which I handed over to my brother telling him to keep it carefully...else we won’t be able to take out our vehicle. Now here begins our movie...

As soon as I come out of the bathroom...I found him looking frantically for something...I ask what’s up??He looked at me and just said that I lost the ticket. Generally I don’t flare up but this thing got me really mad because this was the second time he was doing this and that too going by his habit he was bound to repeat...What angered me was not the fact that he lost the ticket but his nature and the foreseeable problems that would result due to his forgetful nature..

I did give him my share of anger and accusations. But he being a teenager was I guess on his own road trip. Instead of listening to me he told me that who are these people and what will they do...Let me talk to them I’ll put them straight...How dare hey ask me for the ticket and all...

This further put fuel on my anger which was now directed towards him for being so insensitive and all...As we were bickering about this whole issue we had come to the road. After much adieu our vehicle was given to us and we were on our way home.

Out of nowhere this rickshaw driver comes and pulls his rickshaw in front of us...Blocking the free left turn...I don’t know what happened but I found myself shouting at the rickshaw puller about how he should not have blocked the way and all..And I went on. On the way back...When my anger simmered down I realised what I had done.

I had created a chian reaction. I was angry at my brother for my reasons...and I directed that anger towards a rickshaw puller who in reality had nothing to do with the entire episode. This led me to think that that rickshaw puller is also a human. And due to my firing he would/might go home and maybe shout at his wife. Another example of displaced anger. The wife in turn would shout at maybe the mother-in-law or the kids in the house. Now for no fault of this family they had become the receiving end of my anger.

Had I controlled my reaction then itself and instead of shouting at the man…had I said things calmly, the chain would have stopped then itself. I had managed to get calm after coming home but then what about the rickshaw puller. It created a cycle that would eventually spread in the entire world.

And maybe someday come back to me…

I learnt a lesson today…the book of Life gave me knowledge that I needed and it wanted me to spread it…

A humble request to all who read this…a second of thought before anger can make this world a better place to be in…

-OM-

just you..

sometimes it feels so lonely..even when in a crowd..
sometimes you just cant control to shout out loud..
different people...different faces..
different thinking...different places..
sometimes you just dont want to adjust..
you just feel so restless..
every relatation seems vague..
life seems to be smitten by plague..
its suffocating..
every now and then your life is undulating..
every face is converted to a devil..
it hurts so much as if you are kept on an anvil..
nothing could be done to change..
every effort you make is chained..
complete darkness surrounds you...
the ghosts of these darkness scream around you..
you feel severe pain as if you are being burnt..
and that hate keeps on growing on the personal front..
God cant be so bad..
and what about all the good time that you've had...
all of it becomes a nightmare..
waking you up, in hell, no one to spare..
thats what you actually are..
alone...and too far..
helpless and orphaned..
shunned by every one..
loosing hope in all the closed ones near you..
still alive,still in the world,and nothing you can do..
its just you...
you in you, you around you..
just you...

The solitary conversation

Sanchita wrote :

Getting on the bus home with two other friends after a hard day at college was a relief. I chose to sit alone on the inside of the twin seats near the window. Looking out I saw a variety of people. From black to white, like colors. The sky was harsh yellow with the afternoon sun and possibility of rain was nil.

Just as the bus was about to pull out, a thin dingy figure came and sat next to me. She had the most remarkable features. Dark and crinkled hairs were falling out of her braided plait. And she wore black. Her eyes were hidden behind black sunshades and she clutched a navy blue bag. I had been strictly told not to start a conversation with a stranger so I kept my silence. I was startled when a deep voice said hello to me.

Regaining my composure (I had actually expected a squeak of a voice), I also responded. That initiated the conversation which was mostly from her side. Talking about what I was doing, to my hobbies and if I had ever been abroad, she asked every question that must have come to her mind. Now after a hard day of attending lectures I was in no mood for a conversation.

But her enthusiasm kept increasing. She kept talking and I listening. Now I am a sort of a person who has a wild imagination. She was clutching her bag tightly and the fact that she never took off her glasses scared me.

What if she was a terrorist and there is a bomb in her bag. I had almost half the mind to get of getting up and getting off the bus.

I still don't know what stopped me...

The conversation shifted to the cost of living abroad and its comparison to India . I showed interest at this and started telling her the positives and negatives of both living in India and abroad. And how I lived there and what I ate and all..

She sat there looking deeply interested and then she told me how it is her dream to go abroad, but she is assimilating money at the moment. Now my thoughts shifted to her character and my moral alarm went off. But thinking better I thought not to jump onto conclusions.

Most of the time she kept looking out of the window, but she never took her glasses off as if they were the most treasured piece of jewelry that she had ever owned. She also sat in an awkward position, something like a prenatal baby.

Thinking that she was scared of traveling alone, I offered her the inner seat which she gratefully accepted. The bus rolled by on the hot scorching streets of Delhi . The journey resumed its silence once more. I was thankful. My thoughts had already shifted to home and the lunch that awaited there. The assignments to be submitted...

You are beautiful she suddenly said. I was taken aback. I thanked her. No other words came to me.

I felt bad about ignoring her all this while. Going back on the entire conversation that I had with this stranger sitting next to me, I thought how one sided it had sounded. She never meant anything bad and maybe was just lonely.

The stop came and I and my friends got down the bus. Giving one last look, as the bus rolled by, I bade farewell to a stranger who called me beautiful.

Sanchita Sahay

Identity and Personality

Ganoba wrote :

At birth we receive the gift of an identity (asmita). Identity is about whom we are and the purpose for which we have been born. The circumstances of our birth; the time and place of birth, the family and community in which we are born, the kind of body we have received
etc can be useful pointers of our identity. They are not determinants of identity but only its indicators. Thus if we are born into a Brahmin family we are not Brahmins. We may at best have the potential to be one. It is true about any other creed, profession, ethnicity or nationality. Children born anywhere do grow with ease in any other setting. They, however, retain an urge to find out about their roots. This seems to indicate that the circumstances of our birth have some basic relationship with our identity.

In the process of growing up we have to interact with our environment. In doing so, we have to make choices at every step of the journey. The nature of choices we make determines what we become, the personality (vyaktimatva) we develop. When we are very young, others make choices on our behalf. Later they help us to make these choices. Some families and communities continue to make life choices on behalf of the individual stunting natural development. In the process, many people turn rebels and make reactive choices. Many of the choices, which are determined by out dated societal standards are such that the personality develops in a way not congruent with the identity, a situation ripe for inner conflict.
Personality is like a shell and identity is like the core. When the shell does not match the core there is a lot of noise and confusion. In the rare instances when they are congruent we see genius at work. Such a person acts with natural ease and grace. Such people are clear about who they are and what their mission in life is. We have quite a few instances of people who at a very young age know who they are and what their mission in life is. They are able to withstand the pressure of the immediate family to pursue their life goal.
What about the vast majorities who are swallowed by family tradition and end up living life in conflict and confusion? What about those who are lost and keep drifting from pillar to post? Is their no redemption for them? Of course there is. I was one such lost soul and have managed to find my natural bearings. I know many others who have done so. It has been my privilege to help many others to make the turn around towards their true being. I can, therefore say with
certainty that all is not lost.

Initially the turn around is like standing on the head and appears impractical and impossible. But I can assure you that it is possible, progressively enjoyable and graceful. We need to find a guide who is clear in mind, firm in practice and compassionate. He/she would continually urge us to look inwards and be guided by what appears on the mind screen. He/she would urge us to try out suggestions and look for results of our actions, both outside and inside. He/she would
invite us to share our findings with other co-travelers. This process sets up a learning spiral, which will eventually and surely lead us to our real self, our true identity. This will also ensure that our worldly persona would be congruent with the core ending all conflict and confusion.
If I can be of any help in this journey I would be honoured to do so.

Ganoba
A co-traveler

The Way

Whenever someone performs a noble deed, an act that softens the heart, opens the mind, brings a lump in the throat and moistens the eyes, we say he/she went out of the way to do it. I have often wondered, if doing a noble act is going out of the way then what is the way? Is living a blinkered existence the way? Living like a pre-programmed robot, unable to take into account
emerging reality, is that the way? Single mindedly (or is it mindlessly) working to make a living, to make money, chasing after notional success and the approval of faceless others, is that the
way? It was prescribed as the way but in reality it was a maze in which I was left chasing my tail. It is all a play of Maya.

I have lived this way for many years and experienced the ennui of it, the vacuous ness, the edginess, and the meaninglessness. It provides a cosmetic glory for a while but the after taste of guilt, of missing the bus, of being lost, saps the soul of its vitality, of a sense of purpose. It has taken me hours of toil to get out of the maze and find the way. In retrospect the struggle too, was an illusion. What was happening was a process of finding the cheese, away from the one that was placed there in the maze by someone else who was having a ball at my expense.

Slowly but surely I stopped paying attention to the signals coming from out there, the market place. For a while I felt clueless. Worse was the sense of being valueless. It felt as if all my senses had gone numb. I had no clue of what was out there. I had to literally grope for my way. Gradually a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. I soon realized that this was also an illusion. There was no tunnel and no light at the end of it. Gradually it dawned that I was the tunnel and I was the light, that there was no beginning and no end. There was no going anywhere and no coming from somewhere. There was no journey. There was no way. This is it.

When the sages say Aham Bramh Asmi, are they referring to this state of being?

Ganoba

a blog to an eminent media figure

Dear Sir,
I am a student of engineering in Delhi.I really admire your work,your stamina,your energy,your style.Its not been long since I have started going through your blogs,and i am already so much inspired by you.But sir,my expectations from you range a little more further.In the sense to say,sir,its people like you who can change the mindset of the coming generations.Don’t you think so that you have powers to inspire people to walk in a different and positive direction in their lives.Talking about crime and ways of crime on TV would just enhance crime.It would just make people aware of the methodologies.Instead,if we talk about things which are spreading peace,for example “seva cafe” in ahmedabad or for instance say “CRY”,wont it be a better way to inspire people.
Daily in newspapers we read about the crime around us.Don’t you feel that every person who reads the newspaper or articles relating to that,is getting affected.For example if there is an article on road rage,our brain is so accustomed that we start imagining the whole episodes in our minds.And hence we start thinking that ways.Suppose there is some article on racial discrimination,people start visualizing themselves.Don’t you feel,sir,that being such a prominent figure in media,you should come out on TV publically to speak on these kind of issues.Nowadays,in the international section,everyday we read about how every country is buying new weapons,on the name of safety.I feel,these nations are just preparing for war.They are just getting ready.And the day that even one country provokes it,the whole world would be destroyed.
I know sir,that you do try to bring a change.I know the system,and i know that we are all just a part of it.Just wanted to share it with you.May be that there is something that you can do.Thank you for your time…

khuda kay liye..

khuda kay liye kuchh aisa karo,
ke har khuda ka banda jee uthe,
ki har chehre pe muskan ho,
ki har banda khul ke jee sake,
na koi darr,na ranjish,
na koi mann motav,na bandish,
kuchh aisa ki sab ek ho jae,
har dharm,har jaati,har mazhab,
ek hi rab me samaaye,
khuda ke liye kuchh aisa karo,
ki dard ho samne wale ko,
to mehsus hame ho,
ki hamara pyar rang roop na dekhe,
na hi pyar ki koi bhi seema ho,
insan paiso ki jagah pyar ke peechhe daude,
aur pyar hi sabse keemti daulat ho.
kuchh aisa karo khuda ke liye..

culture and choices

can we allow our son/daughter to choose whatever he/she wants to wear.if yes then why.we are parents.we are responsible for what he/she wears.we are responsible for making our wards look pretty/handsome.for making them wearing things which could reflect us in them.which could reflect our culture in them.what is culture....culture is a well established phenomenon followed by the then society.
so what is culture according to me.culture is tehzeeb according to me.for childrens,it is to follow the ethics that could reflect that culture.like for example wearing a suit.which is made for girls.which is designed since so many ages.
but nowadays we wear western outfits.should we allow??....atleast we can groom up our daughters/sons to be how we want to see them....we can put values n sanskar in them since beginning so that they like wearing such clothes....so that they give more preference to such clothes....n y shouldnt they...they reflect our culture....when we are teaching them basic ethics.....for eg-to uphold their respect,to behave decently,why dont we give them our cultures ethics too....of wearing clothes that reflect our culture....n if we dont say then who will....they are not going to have a dream about it......n if we say that ok...we leave them upto their choice....wont our culture be pulled back.....even if one starts wearing jeans...just out of attraction many would start....n then culture would convert into craze.....fashion.....but cant fashion come in suits...it does....like sleeveless....n all kinds of different tops n lowers.....so what is culture...n where is it.....in hands of whom.....
if i belong to lucknow,is that a crime.....if i try to put culture in my son/daughter by telling her to wear salwar suits,rather than jeans...or kurta paijama in case of boys.am i doing a crime...
or would u say that culture in itself is not right....culture needs to change....if it is so....then what about the ethics...how is there a way to control....for eg...there was a time when love marriage was considered a bane...but now its common....you can see girls openly going out with guys n doing all sorts of things....hasnt the culture corrupted then?shouldnt we maintain it to prevent further advancements....or should we leave everything..should we leave it upto their choice....
the same question.....should we influence their choice...or should we just let them make their choice...
if we let them make their choices.....wont the culture go in wrong hands.....its said one wrotten fish spoils the whole tank....wont it come true...
upto u to decide now....
comfort or culture??
culture or fashion??
culture or independence??
independence or experience of our elders??
our own choices...or choices of those more experienced by us??