13.12.09
Would it be wrong to say that angels exist
Atleast there must be some similarity which makes me feel this
May be her cute smile is what mesmerizes me
Or the way she dresses her hair so beautifully
When after seeing it ,a bright sunny day transforms into a beautifully soothing dusk suddenly
Or may be im just mad about her beautiful fingures and nails beautified with a tinge of mehndi
Or her slender and beautiful feets
When she takes off her sandals to put n rub her left feet against the right feet
She seems so beautiful and earthy that when she walks, it feels as if the earth itself is strolling along
Her magnanimous figure seems so merged with the nature around
Its like a perfect blend of eternity and humanity
I still wonder what make her press her lips between her teeth
Is it her feeling of being watched by someone?
Or is it just a feeling of insecurity?
Whatever it is, I admit admiring her even then
Just that I can never even try to become her friend
May be because she doesn’t understand me so well
Or may be I don’t consider myself able enough to deserve
Probably I would just always be a secret admirer
May be then I could behold her in my dreams and remain nearer
I don’t ever want her to know
Coz it would be more difficult then to let her go

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

08.12.09
Ek kadam kabhi tez chalte hain
To har kadam khushnuma sa lagta hai
Agar kuchh kadam kabhi ladkhada se gaye
To sama gumsum sham sa dhal jata hai

Mann ki nazre jo raahe dhoondhti hain
Aksar un raaho pe andhera milta hai
Jo nazre raaho me hi gum ho jaye
Aksar unhi ko mann apna anjaam maan leta hai

Tamannae yu hi bekhud karti rehti hain
Jabki muqammal hona unka hamari kismat me nahi
Jab kabhi dard me zehn se rubaru ho, to yakeen hota hai
Apne mann me mann ki ichhao ka maujood hona apni fitrat me nahi

02.12.09

Kaash zindagi kitab ke panno ki tarah jalai ja sakti
Kaash ki rooh pinjre se azaad hue panchhi ki tarah udai ja sakti
Kaash ki dard paani ki tarah pighal kar aasuo me beh sakta
Kaash ki dil aakho ki tarah bezuban hota
Kaash ki khwabo ka jazbato se koi sambandh na hota
Zindagi ek khamosh si sham hoti.ehsaso me kitna sukoon hota


30.11.09

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what figure a rose holds
Its fragrance is enough to empower and behold
N sometimes when the fragrance too is faint
The feeling of its presence revisits the remains
Its beauty never fades
Though its perceptions in life change due to various shades
Doesn’t it sometimes feel helpless not to be able to feel
Not to be able to adapt to the real
I wonder if I can ever enjoy the beauty of a rose
I wonder if..no one knows


27.11.09

Em ef zero one three
A place where I love to be
An epitome of affection
A master piece of a diversified nation
Karan being the head of the state
Huge responsibilities, heavy duties, but he is never afraid
Doing every bit for the sake of our batch
He is the most eligible bachelor, still looking for a match
Talk about match,Anshul n Hari are the captains
Not only in fun, in life too they scored a lot of runs
Though hari is not in a hurry, taking things slow
Anshul seems almost all set to go
Found and settled and ready to mingle
But sadly hari is still single
Just walking along is my building block sambit
Not only in relationships, for every dimension of life, he’s perfectly fit
He definitely is a multi talented character
N his love story is the most interesting chapter
Though theres still time for an official introduction
But her lady luck surely is something worth a mention
Then comes kalpana and tapan
Kalpana blushing always on the name of her husband
And tapan being lost always thinking about his special someone
I wonder how beautiful it wud feel to be a husband or a wife
I really wish both all the very best in life
Next is someone who has made his own destiny
Nothing is impossible for him, he is our star, Abhi
Reaching out for the toughest summits
Yet so down to earth,so placid
N so is puneetha
So calm n peaceful, she is such a sweet heart
Always smiling beautifully
Though we still need to explore her hidden profundity
Savitha n shubha definitely are the batch’s love birds
Though savitha’s sweet voice still needs motivation to be heard
After all she must be saving it for her beau
But then that shows her feelings are so true
Shubha is definitely a melodious devil
She composes waves all the time, however the sea still remains tranquil (hidden meaning)
There sweet n smiling face always makes the batch aglow
N they would certainly make a difference wherever they would go im sure
Next comes someone who has a lot of secret admirers
Some in class, some more unknowns else where
Though it hardly reflects through her attitude, shes always carefree
Her style is most different, afterall shes Gayathri
Though im a lot scared of her, but may be this is meant to be
She seems quiet an intellectual, I don’t know im right or wrong
But this is for sure, wherever we find her, we can surely find Abha along
She is another serious n studius girl, whom i still cant predict
But I know her veiled naughty and funny side does exist
Talking about exploring, even Prakriti has a lot hidden
I surely vouch for her singing and writing talent
She is someone who is always found smiling
It seems simplicity melts down in her living
Just akin is our beloved Sachin
Always twinkly and so caring
Though he has the master key of doubts
But this is no doubt that he makes our batch proud
N so does Deepika, our chief of fun
Though a lot of us our scared of her violent streak
But shes not any different from us freaks
N specialy with Tarun n Krishna always pulling her leg
Any saint would turn into a devil, what else can we expect
Tarun being the devil mastermind and Krishna the hidden demon
Compensating the yin n yang (of our batch) is impossible without them
But needless to say
Come what may, they would be the best buddies always
Talking about fun is always incomplete without mentioning kaka
With an everlasting smile on his face, pallab is truly our batchs pataka
He is a man of huge heart
He is simply the best, all his qualities sets him apart
Vamshi as the name depicts- is the sweetest of all the guys
He has a magnificent voice and a dashing personality which could easily hypnotize
Though he is yet to find the love of his life
Im sure whoever it will be, he would be a perfect husband to his wife
For Mandar I would say just a simple line
His loyalty and devotion would go across the barriers of time
His deeds speak louder than words
He would be the light (through his knowledge) in which our batch would shine
N so would be Revathi n Ravi
Ravi enlightens us with his enchanting and caring mind
And Revathi mesmerizes us with her spellbinding designs
Devi, is like the captain of our ship
Though she seems quite delicate n soft hearted, but she can fight any hardships
Saranya is one more strong character
Her abilities are yet to be unraveled
But I can assure that she is one more magnificent marvel
Anirban is a multi talented genious
Tapping along rythms yet finding time to be serious
His heart is pure and kind
I hope he soon gets the one whom he always has on his mind
I know he deserves the best and he would soon get it too
Though everyone knows him, but the ones who really understand him are few
Then comes Swati, a tender loving and affectionate character
Her heart proves itself truly through her sweet and caring nature
And Praveen is the most simple and decent member of our batch
Simply observing life flowing along, and smiling at the plans God has
Chandrashekhar or Chan as we fondly call
Is surely different from the rest of us all
His skills span through a huge variety
N he surely incorporates a lot of hidden abilities
Bharat on the other hand is a hidden ace
He likes life to go on his own pace
His brain processes a lot, but he speaks less
For everything in life, I wish him all the best
Where else could I find such enormous treasure of friends
May be this is just another way through which Gods blessing descends

a bunch of old posts

25.11.09
A silent night has dawned again
Memories have revisited the subsided pain
With a bag of mixed feelings along
Life has been trying to find a new meaning to an old song
Some experiences are pleasurable, some hurt
Life has been showing new faces each with a new birth
Its difficult to understand
Whether mask is portraying behind the feelings
or is it the feelings portraying the mask


20.11.09
If you would have been there today,you would have seen
How unkind and wounding people have been
You would have sympathized and said,doesn’t matter im with you
and I would have flown away and drowsed in your love too
we would had been enjoying our special moments beautifully together
alas! Its not gonna happen ever.


16.11.09
There wont be a time when ill be able to tell you
And may be you would never understand
That’s how it should be may be
That’s what God has planned
Feelings doesn’t matter
Doesn’t matter if we ever meet again
Im collecting all the shadows together
While in solitude, I might again cherish the rain
Memories cost a lot
It costs a lifetime to nurture a single thought
I spent a millions to harvest what ive got
N yet to think of it,I never got what I sought
N so would be this time too
My memories and imaginations would always find you


15.11.09
Somethings are never meant to die
However hard we may try
The reminiscence would persistently kill us at the birth of each second
Why some feeling affect us so badly,no one can comprehend
Its been long since my dreams started dying
Since then ive been living on some begged breath,ive been buying
Sooner or later everything would end
Numbness taking over life moment by moment
Before I loose time,I wish to say goodbye
And I wish to behold you just once in my eye



13.11.09
As time moves on
The sea would cease to blend with the sky
Light would distinguish both the identities
And the lonesome heart would again be left aside
Drifting in hope and listening to the rising suns sigh
A new day would begin
Nothing would be the same that once met the eye
Feelings would feel a change
Once a beauty, might even feel estranged
long lost sleep,unblinking eyes would run dry
counting seconds every second



07.11.09
Once there was a time when loneliness killed
A time when life was a thrill
Now its just a desire to flow with the flow
Silent and slow

Colors are but mere reflections of unfulfilled desires
Xray vision prevents from any attractions or admires
The value of trust, honesty and love is difficult to know
When the cycle of breath ceases, how can we expect to grow

There never seems to exist any pain
Never would any tear wash along with the rain
Numbness has taken over each sorrow
A quiet today would lead to a quiet tomorrow


06.11.09
Her eyes are beautiful
Her hair falls beautifully too
N so seems to be so many of her qualities
But shes not you

Feelings feel to be the same
Memories effacing, just assuming a new name
Shuffling sides of the same game
Its difficult not to feel ashamed

Directionless life still continues
Numerous ends, doomed,no power to choose
a bruised heart still secludes
Yearning for a stagnant unchanging mood

07.10.09

My assets
Few dreams
Few regrets
Few memories
Some loneliness
Some uncertainities
A little bit of wisdom
A little self respect
Some minor accomplishments
A modest and truthful mindset
And above all, my parents
And their happiness

04.01.09

There’s so much that the rain wets.

Yet theres so much that it doesn’t.

But when the sun takes over again

Theres no sign differentiating that the rain haven’t.

We often live in its pretence.

Coz its only when the sun descends

That we are able to see if we got wet in its presence

Or was it our solitude coz of which our eyes moistens

01.10.09

Its useless to desist pain coz gradually even a sustained scream becomes a solitary silence.

01.10.09

Ek dheemi si roshni me
bheegi palko ke kinare
kuchh beeti yaado ki mehfil jami hai.
Sagar ki ati jati lehro
ki dastan sunte pattharo
ki thandi saaso me aakar
zindagi thami hai.
Kuchh lamhe guzar gae
kuchh baaki hain.
Kuchh ehsaso ne
anubhav ke darazo me
jagah bana li hai.
kuchh darazo me
ab bhi anubhav ki kami hai.
Kuchh aur ranjishe badh jae
phir shayad keh sake
ye banjar bejaan zameen
hamare khwabo ke bikhre tukdo se bani hai.

28.09.09

Often it seems as a decade just passed a few moments back

But sometimes it seems more than a decade to pass just a few moments

How often do we see our real image in the mirror instead of the one that we have put on

When a mirror is but a reflection of our pasts which we have always concealed

There was once a time, but now tears, pain or anguish can never seem to console

It doesn’t matter now. Life, Feelings, Morality have been buried long ago

It would just tick on till the light dies and the wetness dries

27.09.09

Can’t I help my self
Just for some time..
It hurts to be absent
Am I of no use..
A thrown aside crushed piece of paper
Scribbled with useless daily tallies
Where do I get to from here
N what do I get in the end
What am I trying to accumulate
What am I trying to bargain
Is this what can make me of use
No im not again searching the purpose of my life
I just want to experience my life as a part of a life
Do I hardly make a difference
Even if it is all planned, am I meant to believe

28.09.09

Often it seems as a decade just passed a few moments back
But sometimes it seems more than a decade to pass just a few moments
How often do we see our real image in the mirror instead of the one that we have put on
When a mirror is but a reflection of our pasts which we have always concealed
There was once a time, but now tears, pain or anguish can never seem to console
It doesn’t matter now. Life, Feelings, Morality have been buried long ago
It would just tick on till the light dies and the wetness dries

Home

Moist warmth of the air, concealing
nostalgia. Silence revealing
the whispers of the breath. Strolling
lonesome in the twilight, talking
quietly to the self , and remembering
the matured infancy of a lingering
past. Home, a place for purifying
my heart and comforting
my bleeding soul. Soothing
known voices sheltering from the perturbing
of an inhumane love. Home, pillowing
a peaceful night, before the dawn is instituting
the indomitable, eternal state of a human being.

Shadow

It was the most silent n numb night. The mood as usual was somber, after a lonesome walk. Not any different day. Passed memories captivating senses, lost in pain n helplessness, walking sluggishly towards the room. Just a step before the last, there was a shadow which shivered my heart. A shadow which inhabited darkness. Absorbed in complete invisibility, emptiness n silence. A shadow which shattered me to pieces once again. Another death of a piece of my peace. A seeming end for one more of the few last breaths. An idol was just murdered.

whithered rose

Have you seen the withered rose lying on a dusty road
Crushed by million feets n their unsympathetic abrasive heat
A rose which could bring a smile while a stroll in the aisle
Which could leave its essence every time you sensed its fragrance
Lying in blood, mashed and bruised in the mud
Does anyone care for the one that was once there
For its lost beauty, lost in nurturing a million of our prayers
Trampled by own loved ones, breathing its last breath
wont anyone care..wont anyone have any regrets?

04.09.09

I want to close my eyes n think that im no more. I want to feel that I am just a soul. That papers n proofs n results don’t make me me. That it doesn’t matter to anyone whether I live or die.The same way in which thousands of people sleep in rags on road without having even a single meal throughout the day,doesn’t matter to anyone. The same way that millions of parents abandoned by their bloody honourable children live a miserable life. N the same way that hundreds of physically impaired people n children are neglected n abused physically as well as mentally every day every where. If I am alive,n if I have to live anyways, then I would rather want to endure each n every feeling of pain n hurt which is caused because of the inhumane nature of someone like me. Im embarrassed to be alive n to be a part of this society.

if only-you were here

(after affects of the song- are you lonesome tonight.)
I’ll never be able to tell you
N even if I do
You wont understand
Time has changed
N things have changed
It hurts! No more can we walk hand in hand
So many words remain unsaid
So many remains unburnt
So many moments and.. wishes still alive
And a wounded heart n its immortal cries
Every time the wind blows, it unearths the sand
Walking bare feet on the molten memories
Has never been easy without you
Drifting numbed, every second, in the past
If only - you were there, the pain wont last
(1.you being there in my thoughts, the pain wud never end
2.You being there in my life again,the pain wud not sustain.)
Dunno why
Still it comforts to just think about you
N romanticize with the remnants

12.09.09

One upon a time there was a child
who admired a star in the sky.
The star was so bright
that it almost blinded the child’s sight
every time he looked. Beautiful in its way
it gave immense strength to the child
to shine one day. As the child gradually grew
the star came nearer n nearer.
He could feel the warmth of the star which mesmerized him.
He could bask n relish being in its light.
Slowly as time passed
the child started to realize
the stars light is not going to last.
He recognized that the light
that the star boasted off was not his own.
It was rather a mask upon his black soul
which the child now could not disown.
A memorable sky on a star lit night
Had turned a painful nightmare
The star which once stole his sight
has left him helpless n despair.

Yaad aenge ye pal,har naye kal me,
Kayi zindagiyo baad barso purani ghazal me.
Is bhavar ke karwat badalte chakachaundh se peher me,
Thaki ankho ke berang khwabo ki seher me.
Yaad aenge ye pal,har naye kal me,
Kayi zindagiyo baad barso purani ghazal me.



Fighting vacuum what would you find
When d cherished memories are already buried behind
Wounded emptiness can never offend
Together, the dark silence would rather compliment
Though stage is set for new horizons
Sluggish heart hurts clinging on to the never ending presence
But to think still I have a reason to smile
Coz I walked that long with you for quite a while



Yado ka karwa jab jab aata hai,
Sanse dheemi akhein num kar jata hai.
Jab har khayal apni ichha se aata hai,
To phir kyu ye karvaan bin pooche dastak de jata hai?



Suni sunai zindagi se ab nazdeeqi se waqif hue hain,
Nazariyo ko pehchanne me aksar galat saabit hue hain.
Par asal zindagi se pehchan nahi karni hame.
Nahi behna mann ke jhinjhod dene wale sailabh me.
Nawab ladkhada gaye to kya,
Abhi bhi dum hai zameeni gehraiyo me.
Abhi gum nahi honge waqt ki parchhaiyo me



Damn these memories which don’t let me live.
Damn the world which clouds every mans thinking.
Damn those thoughts which every now n then we perceive
N damn this dreadful n miserable living
When is d mind actually gonna be free
When can we just end never to again,see



Mankind is helpless, n we are all living to make it more so.



Us roz Ghana andhera hoga
Aur gum hoga roshni ka namonishan
Nam palke aur anant me doobe hue mann ki khamosh yaade
Aur bas goonjta sannata
Jo ki bhar dega hawa me ant ka ehsas
Na hoga savera phir kabhi
Na hi kisi gulshan ke khilne ki phir hogi shuruwat
Na kisi aur jeevan ki pehchan
Na hi koi aahat kisi badlav ki
Na koi beete soche sunaye khwab
Na kisi ummeed ki aas
Us din nawab apneaapko apneaap me sametkar
Pankh ban,ud chale ka chhoone bheetar ka aasmaan
Banana apna akela karvaan
Bas mai aur mere ehsas



Kaun kiska hua hai yaha
Har pal badal jata hai sama
Hamne dekha hai palo me rang badalta insa
Udhari khushiyo se nahi banta nisha
Mat honi do ehsaso ko insane pe baya
Aur kyu rahe kisi ki ichha
Ishwar khud ho jaha



Kash ki koi kisi ko dekh na pata
Kamsekam tab hame khwab sajana to na aata
Kano me to sirf awaz goonjti hai
Par aakhe taras kar baras padti hain
Tab kaano ka shor cheekh bhi padta
Par aakho ka pani to chhup jata



Once upon a time those words meant so much.today they don’t mean at all.those promises would even make a sound,after they shatter n fall.



Ahista ahista nawab ko manzil mil jaegi
Apne ehsaso ki mehfil mil jaegi
Aur mit jaenge dabe unkahe sare jazbat
Jab rooh kisi khushbu ki tarah hawa me ghul jaegi



The air remains so gentle calm n peaceful all the year round
May be that’s why,even when d most tender dreams die, they don’t make a sound
It remains the transporter of thoughts,the constructor of imaginations
N it serves as a savior to our teardrops n foundation for our salvations.



Zindagi bankar zindagi
Nawab ki zindagi me ayi
Zindagi se zada zindagi dikhayi
Aur phir zindagi churakar
Degayi zindadili ki duhai.
Waah nawab kya kismat payi
Zehen ki nomaish jab shuru hui
Log haste rahe hamari sadadili par
Kabhi unhone raunda kabhi zindagi ne zaleel kiya
Ham haste rahe chupchap khade wahi par



Sometimes I wish I could b sober,
Sometimes somber,
Sometimes wiser,
Sometimes stronger,
N sometimes I wish just not to be
N sometimes, not to be me.



Jab kal aega,
Jane mai kya wo reh paunga jo aaj hu
Jab kal aega
Kya mai usse keh paunga mai sath hu
Roz jab kal aata hai
Bas kal ke intezar me sochta reh jata hu
Ek din to wo kal aega
Ek din mera beeta hua kal aega



Aaj kuchh sochne ka dil nahi karta
Bas andhere se akho ki pyaas bujhani hai
Kab tak dil ke jhuthlave me jiyenge
Ab to har roz sach ki nayi hi kahani hai



Jo dekha in akho se
Wo ghinona sach kabula kyu nahi jata
Jo chhupa hai andheri palko me
Uspe kabhi vishwas kyu nahi aata
Kyu dard kisi ek roop me tik nahi jaata
Kyu darr ek baar samne aakar dikh nahi jata
Ab bas jal jane do is aag ko
Bujh jane to raat
Pighal jane do mann ke daag ko



If it’s a dream that I would live again
Then I would rather keep living with my dream
Than take chances to loose even a dream to live again

what is wrong, what is right
who is going to decide
who is able enough to complain
who is actually completely sane
im not the one to decide
n i dont have any complains
i just wana be me
i just wana be insane

27.07.09

How different would it have been - If I were blind
If I were blind - I would have got empathy for everyone’s pain
I would have got a better insight to the reality around me
If I were blind - I would be able to feel the actual feeling to get wet in the rain
N all those others which I usually do not
I would be able to hear the sound of footsteps of people nearing me
Of the swishes n rustlings n silent whispers
N the unsaid words enounced by small sounds of gestures
Which we unknowingly neglect
Our perceptions would be so virginal as they wont be based on what we see
A depth of understanding, a solemn maturity
And yet I would be away from the real world, in a world of my own
Like I always want to be, unseeing the dreadful reality
May be then, I would achieve my own entity
Which would not be based on the last ten days of my behavior
But be judged on the three years of my lost love’s eternity

26.07.09

Bin banaye bhi kitne rishte ban jate hain
Bin kahe, bin samjhe ham unhe nibhate jate hain
Jab ehsas hota hai, to mann utfullta se bhar jata hai
Jaise koi talaab sagar se mil gaya ho
In rishto ki pehchan apeksha-rahit hona hi to hai
Par in rishto ko pehchanna asaan nahi
Aur pehchan ke, usi tarah bin pehchane rehna mumkin nahi
Yehi par hota hai badlaav
Aur yehi par badh jata hai abhaav
Hame mehsoos nahi hota aur ham beh jate hain bahaav me
Aur kho jati hai wo pavitrata, wo sadgi
Jo us rishte me thi, jise hamne pehchana nahi tha
To lo.. aaj mai har rishte ko bhulata hu
Jisko maine kabhi pehchana tha

23.07.09

We’ve sold ourselves
To the people around
Some have limited to the bodies
N some have sold their souls
How valuable is it to be oneself, anymore
Wrapped-up in a cocoon of forgery
Does one really care of the original being
Its just show biz
Many have already died
But the sensation of death is yet to be realized
How does it feel
To be a part of this numbness
Not to be the real me

23.07.09

Im thankful to you for the pain
I could hear the requiem of the world around me
I could be a part of the world that surrounds me
Its because of you that I could become humane
Doesn’t matter if you remember me or not
I would remember you, n love you forever
For what you’ve done to me
For making me a man before drifting me in the stream
Not many get a chance to be a part of the flow
You gave me a reason, n motivation to set out
N understanding myself, gradually I got insight to the outer world
I wish I could thank you for what you have made of me
For setting me free

20.07.09

How many times do we realize
What is important n unimportant in our lives
What sustains n what terminates eventually
What makes our lives happy or ruined miserably
How many times do we realize our real strengths
How many times do we count on our real friends
Life moves on too quickly
Lets not run, Lets think peacefully
Lets relax n take time
Lest it would end before we realize

20.07.09

Running between two rails
Personified balance, finding which amongst two prevails
Carrying so many passengers
Some young n jovial, some frail
Passing through hundreds of destination
Still moving without fail
Bearing all kind of loads
Listening to million stories
Going through versatility of moods
Keeping a thousand secrets
Mingling different roots
Yet ending up in distances
At the terminus finding differences
How life moves like a train
Finding coherence when the end is insane

"chanda ke rath pe wo aega ek din
mujhe sath lekar wo jaega ek din
meri maang bhar dega taro se wo
banaega dulhan mujhe"

"tu jo chhoo le pyaar se
aaraam se mar jaaoo
aaja chanda bahoo mein
tujh mein hi gum ho jaaoo ...
main ... tere naam mein kho jaaoo"

its not time to think
there wont be ever a time to think
how pure can be pure
how pure can be our feelings, our character
there wont be ever a time to think
to mold ourselves
to see ourselves in that role
how can we be so happy with ourselves
how can we be so blind to ourselves

a story of a prince

there was once a Prince
who lived beyond his capabilities
soul of each life
he never missed an opportunity to rejuvenate happiness
his life was more of a fairy tale than reality
everything good would happen to him
n anything bad, he would turn it to beauty
he had a horse
which could take him to the freedom of heaven
that was his life n soul
whenever he needed anything for himself
he would just ride his horse, n again regain himself
it was his horse which was his strength to carry on
it was his horse
because of which he could replace all the sadness with happiness
n then one day, as expected, his horse died
now he couldnt ride ever again
he was broken, yet was standing strong
he believed that God would be there always by his side
but till now, it was his horse which was his God
how could he now understand that God always remains by our side
now that horse is gone, where should he find his God?

05.07.09

Aur kitne sawal karoge
Kabhi to ant hoga
Kabhi to intezar ki bhi seema khatam hogi
Kabhi to mann jeevant hoga
Saagar ki gehraiya kabhi to satah se takraengi
Kabhi to khushi ki talaash ka chir-anand se milan hoga
Aakhir kab tak mook baithe lehro me gote khaenge
Kabhi to sannata dhamake ki tarah phatega
Kabhi to anant andhera bujhega
Aur kabhi to ye sapna toot kar in ehsaso ke astitva ko sapne me mita dega
Kabhi to rooh hawa me ghul jaegi
Aur kabhi to in sab se upar apna basera hoga

someone somewhere..

Gham ki andheri raat me
Dil ko na bekarar kar
Subah zaroor aegi
Subah ka intezar kar

Zindagi bhi kya zindagi
Tum nahi to hai kuchh nahi
Chaahenge tumko umra bhar
Muskura ke dekh ab idhar
Subah zaroor aegi
Subah ka intezar kar..

Khwahishein kya hain khwahishein
Jo kabhi yu hi poori ho
Khushiyan bhi ho be-asar
Ho na ye gham agar
Gham ki andheri raat mein..


Ham Yahan aaj kal wahan
Kise pata ho kal kahan
Is liye aa jeele chal
Ke phir na beet jaye ye pal
Gham ki andheri raat mein..

Nostalgia

If there was Ctrl+Z in life...
Nostalgic memories of those 'good old days' – world has changed and we also changed for the world !!!
Are you missing those days? Sometimes I do..


Doordarshan' s Screensaver

Malgudi Days

Dekh Bhai Dekh

Ramayan

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

Turning Point

Bharath Ek Khoj

Alif Laila

Byomkesh Bakshi

Tehkikaat

He Man

Salma Sultana DD News Reader

Vicco turmeric,
Nahin cosmetic
Vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream

Washin powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaaye

I'm a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and
I'm a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia)

Surabhi : Renuka Sahane and Siddharth

Then were 'Mungerilal ke hasin sapane' and 'karamchand' ...'Vikram Betal', etc.

How did one survive growing up in the 80's and 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags..

Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…

No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…

When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…

We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bicycles even when the brakes failed going downhill…

We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….

We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…

We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bicycle.

We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other…. How?

We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses…. nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours

We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, fruits...yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.

And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swig from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs...

We did not have Play Stations, MP3, Nintendo's, I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD's, Home Cinema, Home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc ...

BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!

We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the backdoor…

We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again…

When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade…without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors…

Such were the days…

We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..

Most of all, we learned to respect others…

I wish those days could come back..

02.07.09

What is it that makes my identity
What truly belongs to me
Is there anything at all
Or is it all just a fake morale
How do I see myself today
Is it any different from yesterday
Am I really befitting my life this way
Are my ambitions running astray
Why don’t I find in me
what ive been searching since eternity

02.07.09

Ab aur nahi, ab saha nahi jata
Aankho ko ab andhera chubhne laga hai
Neend aati bhi hai, to andhere me hi gum ho ke
Adhoori kahaniyo ka silsila ab kaate chunne laga hai
Jeevan samay me sama gaya hai
Chir-sthayi paristhitiyo ka jaise samanvay aa gaya hai
Chalte chalte ab thakaan lagne lagi hai
Zindagi kisi nomaish ki dukaan lagne lagi hai
Kisi ko kuchh khareedne ke layak se nahi lage ham
Kisi ko sirf dekh ke, tatol ke mann behlana hai
Koi mere khwaab khareedne aata hai
Koi sabit kar jata hai ki mera mann – toote sapno ka kaarkhana hai
Nahi chahiye zindagi se kuchh mujhe
Bas meri zindagi mujhe wapas de do
Wahi purane khilaune, purane sapne
Wo purane rishte mujhe wapas de do
Nahi chahiye mujhe nayi ummeede
Bas wahi mere purane lamhe mujhe wapas de do..

..

it was a dream that i lived with you
a dream that i wanted to come true
n though, it all never ever happened
i cherish it, as a gift from you
how do i tell anyone what it was
what do i explain myself for the loss
only you could realize its essence
but you arent there anymore
how would you know
i wish that i could wake up n see
nothing has happened like how i imagined it to be
you would still adoringly embrace me
n the world would still be heaven for me

alas!
life would take its stride
it would leave us behind
in those memories
n though we would still exist
we wont ever be able to feel
the same old heavenly breeze

26.06.09

A railway line to heaven was in process to build
Which would go far till the hill
There was a dream of peaceful love filled guild
Being the strength together but until
A day came when strong flowing winds blew off the rails
There were no signs of the existing fairy tales
Parallel rails turned opposite ways
Bountiful love became bountiful dismays
There wasn’t any hope
What was left was some remnant smoke
Sooner or later everything had to get over
I wish i had more time savor
I wish it would not have been this way
Let the memories rest in peace i pray..

24.06.09
if I were to be what I want to be
dunno how life would be
it would be just a dream may be
cause it wouldn’t couple with reality

those bare feets won’t be able to walk that long
hearts so compassionate wont be so strong
everything right would then prove wrong
not many would agree to get along

after all theres much more than love n compassion
to reach high ends one needs some aggression
the slightest should have a long lasting impression
hurt n anguish should follow the flow in immediate fashion

how does it matter if it actually exists
who wants love to persist
even if I strive hard, the perpetual falsity wont twist
let the eternity be alone, the sky insist

the days gone by are history
let the dreams die in the closet like a mystery
let chains be the new form of being free
let the search finally end to find me

24.06.09
if I were to be what I want to be
dunno how life would be
it would be just a dream may be
cause it wouldn’t couple with reality

those bare feets won’t be able to walk that long
hearts so compassionate wont be so strong
everything right would then prove wrong
not many would agree to get along

after all theres much more than love n compassion
to reach high ends one needs some aggression
the slightest should have a long lasting impression
hurt n anguish should follow the flow in immediate fashion

how does it matter if it actually exists
who wants love to persist
even if I strive hard, the perpetual falsity wont twist
let the eternity be alone, the sky insist

the days gone by are history
let the dreams die in the closet like a mystery
let chains be the new form of being free
let the search finally end to find me

16.07.09

n gradually this time would go by
i sigh
wiping off all the reminiscence
slowly.. sucking out life
and breath by breath taking away all those moments
helpless
lost long ago
n dying bit by bit now
losing sight of the cliff while falling through the depths
engulfed in the dark
wish to have said good bye

How would it be
Don’t ask me
Though I am being strong
But don’t know if it would carry for long
It would be ages far away
Just don’t want it to be a dismay
There would be washing away waves
There would deserted dark caves
N there would be lost me
hanging between future n destiny
Wish everything turns out good to see
N not a nightmare for my testimony

02/06/09

How easy is it to forget what you don’t want to
Its like taking flight to fly from the top, when you don’t know how to
Falling down, minute by minute
Remembering past with regret
N wanting to turn back time
The golden age which leaves reminiscence
Raping our present with its presence
The lost time, a reason for our time loss now
Was once a joyous present, moment of solemn vows
N would soon be just an imagination, lost in history
Something, which was never meant to be

02/06/09

Come into my world
N see those beautiful colors of my emotions
White, blue, red, orange, yellow n green.. n many more
Come n dive into all the love that I have
Unconditional, unbounded, ubiquitous, untrammeled
Though I don’t know you, neither do I want to
I want to experience the divinity, the oneness between me n u
I just want to know, the essence which relates me to u
I want to become a part of the wholeness, which encompasses me n u
Feel n let me feel, the true meaning of a relationship
A real relationship, which is already there, doesn’t have to be made
A relationship which doesn’t give us an option to accept or reject
Which is stronger, ageless, eternal . .
Give me a chance to explore the real me, n the real relationships of my me
I wish I could feel to be the world in totality
Be with me, n feel, what I see

01/06/09

Ive faltered
But ive learned
Ive gained a new life
N ive earned my self
Ive known what I am
Ive known some meanings
Ive seen a bit of world
N im prepared for the rest of it
Im gona walk this thin line till the end
That’s where I see the light coming from
I am sure, im following the light not darkness
N im sure, I would be a light to the world

for my feeling called love..

you have been doing it since then. its not at all new. for a thing as pure as love, you turned your heart, and now you cant undo. it doesnt matter to me, if you hurt me. it wont matter to our dreams which were always unreal. in the end it would just matter to you. you are flying to an unreal peak. when you break down, you'll fall down, all through the height, alone. the world which is building your base, actually doesnt even exist. you'll realize it, but it would be too late. i wish i could still protect you, harness you in my love. oh i wish so much..you were there..

a lost friend..

you had been quiet close to me
though we never talked much
without being in your physical touch
i could relate to you as a friend
i could never give or take advice
neither did i remain very nice
but still, that relation was there
unheard, unthought of, unfelt
its today, i realize..
im sorry for not missing you when alive
it wont matter much to many
hardly some would care
may be i would forget too
but i cant forget that you were there
i wish best of luck to you friend
i should have wished it a little earlier
how i feel helpless now, to be so late
sometimes it feels too hard to fight our fate

a feeling..which died..

did you see the moon today
can u hear, his cruel rumble
his blood colored light,can u see
what must he have felt
when my beloved bird was torn apart
when feather by feather, he plucked her beauty
his blood stained teeth, it kills me every time i see
she was flying so gracefully in the sky, so high, so freely
the most beautiful creation of God
how does he care, now that his stomach's full
how could he even think of her purity
he would never know, he killed a million years of my existence
he would never know how she could have changed the eternity

Let me be invisible today
Let me be a ghost
An evil ghost may be
I wana hurt n be hurt
I don’t want to care about anyone
I don’t want to cure my injuries
I want to realize that even I have an individuality
If its end, then let it be
If its disgrace then let it be
I want to succumb to my own destiny
Let me experience the naked brutality
If my experiences are short of life, then so it be
Let me renounce this fake identity n wear transparency
Just for once, let me know what it takes to be me

which is the right way
what have i got to do
standing in the midst of sludge
which way should i pursue
am i not capable enough
am i growing frail
where did i make mistakes
where did my intuitions fail
may be one day i would realize
it wasn't me taking decisions
somebody planned a plot with precision
im just playing my role
i was never complete without you
it was you who made me whole

the leaves on that tree have started to fall
the roots though are firm
but it wont grow anymore tall
its not it's end term
it has to live a lot
i have started seeing its pain now
n my helplessness to help is clear n sought
it has been like this since ages
its toughness was admired but pain was never thought
its become it's habit now
loneliness has become friends, n family fought
teardrops dried up, feelings melted
its been numb since, debile and rot
i wish i could become its strength
i wish i could tell him..
papa..i love u a lot..

agar ant hi hai is kahani ka ant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar sach hi hai wo sab mannghadant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar takdeer hi hai sikudan
to phir yu hi sahi

ive lost my identity to dust
the pillars which made me strong
are no longer standing tall in my honour
i have hollowed them to shame
now i know i am not going to stand long
the ground beneath has sunken in
theres not enough anymore in my name
the time has gone, the grace period expired
ive pushed the limits too much
n yet, nothing has been etched on the charts of history
i wana be left to ruthlessness and pity

we can never compare ourselves with them
however rich and exuberant we may be
their penny would belittle our millions
if they are the eternity, we r just miniscule stones
our services to them for even lifetime
can never equilibrate their love, whichever form it may be
n yet when age takes over, we consider ourselves as their God
huh..who can explain, when is it considered to be sane?
is insane sane or sane sane?
life is not so deep as it seems,yet its deeper
are we the real we when we know who we are
or are we the real we when we dont know who we are
universally, we are but successors of our elderlies
what we are today, they have been before
n what we would be tomorrow, they are today
the difference is, they are ahead of us,n we can never compare

riding the waves of imagination
ive lost my state of conjugation
when my mind wants to fly
my dreams wants to die
emotions incessantly pouring out
emptying my conscience, killing my scout
exhausted eyes can no more behold
contrasting visuals leaving outcomes blindfold
its not the way it used to be
what used to be is a golden memory
now not much is left upto me
let life test me,let this be my destiny..

donning this blanket of night
concealed from my own negligent sight
i wish to cease my soiled existence
i wish to curtail my innocent pretense
for what i am, no one but i know
which is killing me to think, so
just let this darkness overshadow me
let my atrocities reveal
so that i dont be what i am
n become not just a sham of my inhumaneness
let me accept the damns
and freely experience the immorality
let me bare my nakedness to the serenity
let me know the real me
i wish not to be

effortless efforts have ceased already
glowing soft skin has creased already
unstable hands now need support
numbness has overshadowed retort
walking the treacherous path of life
is no longer feasible alone
trust is no less difficult
there has been a lot to moan
wrinkled feelings,unsatisfied emotions
disturbing experiences, long lived notions
let me break these boundaries n be free
let me fly away to become one with THEE

what do we really want?
desires? love? respect? or individuality?
or the endless list which never ends?
where is the end to our mortality?
n what is its cost?
do we have to pay a price for chastity?
is this the consequence of our sanity?
for how long would we keep on regretting
for being what we are not?
for how long would we keep on forgetting ourselves
for not achieving what we sought?
what do we really want?
n what is its cost?

New station new platform new beginnings
Time to board a new coach on the train of life
You miss it, you loose an innings
You board it, no guarantee you'd thrive
Be a part of the crowd
Or be an observer to the loud
No body would decide
Whats wrong or right
Acquainted you may find a family
Deserted you may find time for past agony
But nothing would survive
The next station waits for you to arrive
It would be sooner this time i guess
Speed is a direct proportion of age
The less you stay, the less dismay
But it wont happen your way

so how much time does it take
for an angel to turn to a demon
how much time does it take
for all the words said to get unsaid
n how much time does it take
for a life to become lifeless..

it takes time to accept the answer
n it takes time to assume vaccuum

kya socha kya paya
kya chaaha kya kamaya
kabhi patthar pe sir mara
kabhi lehro pe ghar banaya
raato me kabhi zindagi padhi
din me andhera manaya
hone ka ehsas ab jaag chuka hai
mita diya hai ab har saaya
dhoop ab tez nahi
aur kuchh ab shesh nahi
zindagi ki mithas ko maine chakha
mera chaitanya wapas laut aya

tumhe chhupa kar rakha hai kuchh panno me
kabhi aakar dhoondh lena meri mohabbat ke nishan
jab samjhoge tum zindagi ke hisaab
shayad tab yaad aaye tumhe mera khwabo ka jahan

kyu hai koi majboor
kis liye hai zindagi benoor
kabhi sir utha kar ji kar dekho
hogi zindagi ko tumhari hukumat bhi manzoor

baato ka kahan koi wajood hota hai
sapno ka kahan koi saboot hota hai
jaane kyu ham sapno ki baate karte hain
sapno me kahan koi jahan mehfooz hota hai

even when you are on way to the ultimate
dont feel proud n joyous
coz if even a thought of distraction comes
you'd loose
purity doesnt even imagine impurity
theres no other way to truth
boast about when you be there
otherwise you would never be there
dont imagine what mouths would say
coz when they would open, it would never be your way
there can be no one but you
coz there exist no one, but you

I am..

i am
therefore you are
if i dont be
you wont be
if i dont be
my world wont be
i am therefore caged by my world
caged to see, feel and perceive
caged by this name and identity
i wish to renounce this power
i wish to disown my destiny
i wish to be free
i wish to be eternity

im quitting blogging for a few days..
let new thoughts come in..
let me catch fresh breath..
let my mind n my mood set in for a change..
past has overshadowed my present..
i dont want it to cage my future..
let me find new words..new songs..new life..
let me overcome this feeling of dissatisfaction..
let this helplessness cease..
let me find new means to live life..
enough of moh..
enough of sentiments..
let me get to ground now..n do something for myself..
amen !!

Kisi ko paiso ki talash hai
Kisi ko rishto ki talash hai
Koi khushiyo ki talash me hai
To kisi ko sapno ki talash hai
Par aaj ki duniya me na kisi ko khud ki talash hai
Na hi apno ki talash hai
Har kisi ke mann me ghrana hai
Har kisi se tulna hai
Ghamand hai, nasha hai
Asthir, ashant dasha hai
Koi mahatma hai
To koi sarvshreshtha buddhimaan
Koi azam bana phir raha hai
To koi vishwa vikhyat keertimaan
Har koi prasiddhi ka kayal hai
Prem bhaav, sansarik manyatao se ghayal hai
Shri Krishna aur Mohammed sahib ki ibaadat
Mahetvaheen hokar ban gayi hai nafrat
Bhagwan Isa Maseeh ki sahejta, ekroopta
Ko ab log samajhte hain hukumat
Har ghar me chhida hua hai andolan
Har mod pe hai ek nayi jehad
Kaun manta hai wafadari ko ab
Hai pak mohabbat ab kisko yaad
Kabhi aise bhi dil hote the
Jo zara si baat par mit jane ko hote the tayyar
Jo zaban par jaan chhidakne ka rakhte the jigar
Jo chhote se jhoot se bhi hote the sharmsaar
Jo kabhi vada nibhaya karte the umrabhar
Ab kisko parwah hoti hai zaban ki
Kisko phursat hoti hai sochne ki jahaan ki
Har cheez ka matlab hi badal gaya hai
Sarvjanik shoshan ka chalan chal gaya hai
Phir bhi, kuchh to hoga hi ki ham ab bhi jee rahe hain
Na kisi ki talash hai, na kisi se koi shikayat
Na kisi baat ka ghamand, na koi bhi aur chaahat
Jiye ja rahe hain bas…
Jeeta rahenge kuchh din aur..

Lurve

When two bodies attract each other so much, that their minds, as a part of body, tries to become one, then we call that feeling sometimes as love. Each one of us feels that the same feeling which all of us have, is actually different for every one of us. Huh. What an irony. N this is not actually created by man. Its eternal. The reason being, all of us feel, that we have a different kind of mindset, a very different kind of thinking, yet we don’t realize, that our manufacturer is the same. Huh. We have same kind of essence that all others, of us have. N yet we are different from each other. This is called an eternal irony. Hehe.
Love, is just a feeling that is common to all of us. Whether we know someone or not, whether we are linked to someone or not, the feeling that comes to our heart at that time, for that person, is nothing, but form of love. We have love for everyone, known or unknown. Just that we have a human tendency to compartmentalize it. To divide it, into many forms n relations. But in this process, we actually forget the actual love. The actual process, the actual feeling. We just live to satisfy ourselves, n to meet the needs of society around us. Till the time our position in society is maintained. We even sometimes love, only to live upto the expectations that society around us has of us. What a shame. We lose our own identity in the hands of that society, which belongs to no one, which can do no good to anyone. N above all of this, we have become so inhumane, that we don’t even think of our own selves. We don’t have time to think who we are. We just go on living, just to live. It hardly matters no.
For me it does. I want to know what love is. I want to love. But not the way that society wants me to. I want to love, the way, my heart tells me to. Irrespective of the known unknown boundation. Irrespective of expectations. N irrespective of any third person or the society. I just wana be me. I just wana be everyone around me. N I wana experience the oneness, that I have with everyone around me, that God has, with all of us.

Aaj phir tumhari khushi yaad aa gayi
Jiske liye maine din raat koshish ki
Jiske liye meri khud ki zindagi mujhse khafa ho gayi
Zindagi ko mana bhi leta mai magar
Apne hi astitva se lad kar kaise beetta ye safar
Aaj bhi, bas yehi dua hai mann me
Tum khush raho, mile khoob khushi tumhe jeevan me
Mai nahi janta mujheme kuchh alag hai ya nahi
Mai nahi janta ki maine jo kiya wo sach tha ya nahi
Maine bas wo kiya, jo sachche pyar me karna chahiye
Maine wo kiya, jo mai khud shayad apne bare me nahi soch sakta
Aisi shakhsiyat nahi meri
Ki mai itne oonche darje tak pahuchu
Mai bas ek aam insan hu
Mai bas khushi baatna chahta hu
Tumhe kabhi na bhi pata chale agar
Raah dekhengi tumhara, meri nazar
Mujhe nahi farak padta chaahe jo bhi soche ye falak
Zameen ab bhi meri hai, aur sath rahegi mere marne tak.

Chhodna mat koi hasrat adhoori
Jane zindagi aage ho na ho poori
Jane phir ye din aye na aye
Jane kab ban jaye tanhayee majburi

Zindagi se koi shikayat nahi hai tumhare bina bhi
Pehle bhi kahan rukta tha samay tumhare hone ke ehsas se
Ab bhi nahi rukta tumhare na hone ke gham me
Jo shuru hui hai to khatam bhi hogi zindagi
Kuchh lamhe sath bita liye, ab thoda jee le tumhare bina bhi
Log bahot kuchh kehte rahenge
Hazaro lakho sapne aakho se behte rahenge
Sapno ka kya hai, sapne hi to hain
Kabhi ham, to kabhi wo hamse roothte rahenge
Jo na keh sake, shayad wo jayaz nahi tha kehna bhi
Jo tum na samjhe, shayad na ho wo bhi sahi
Ham phir bhi tumhare liye nazre bichhaye rakhenge
Kya pata ho aise jeena mushkil tumhare liye bhi

When you see the same thing with both open n closed eyes
When you find it difficult to realize the reality
When vacuum which was never there comes to existence
When breathlessness becomes the state of being
When shadows n darkness become comforting friends
When emotions associate more with silent feelings
When eyes feel more solace in closure
When inner silence gives way to restless buzzing
Know that you are in an irreparable pain
Know that time has won again

Ek samay tha, jab hawae kitni achhi lagti thi
Jab pedo ki har ek tehni yu hi hawao me behti rehti thi
Jab behti hui hawao me pattiya kitni khil jati thi
Phool muskurate the, bhavre natya dikhate the
Aur hawa kitna ithlati thi

Har ek pal, uski yaad behti chali aati thi
Har doosre pal kuchh batane ki ichha jag jati thi
Mann soch soch ke thahake bharta tha
Kabhi shaitaniya, to kabhi meethi meethi bate karne ka dil karta tha
Aur meri sari soch hawa me ghul jati thi

Kitne sapne inhi hawao me gulatiya khaya karte the
Patango ki tarah umange bhi shikhar par pahuch jati thi
Do parinde kahi paas me sath baithe aksar dikhte the
Kitne muskurate chehre aksar milte the
Hawae bhi hamari zaheeni khushi bikherti thi

Hawae ab bhi hain, Ham ab bhi hain
Par ab hamara rukh hawa ki taraf nahi
Aur hawao ka ehsas ab hame pata nahi
Hamara astitva khud hi hawa ban chuka hai ab
Jo tha kabhi, ab hai jaise wo tha hi nahi

We are still beautiful
However we may be
Near or far
Together or separated
We can never transform our oneness
To nothingness
There was always love
N it would always be
Even if not welcomed by you or me
Whatever they say
Whatever they want us to do
N whatever we do
Wont matter
Its already done
Proved experienced n carved
We cant change what we cant change
We never created it
We were never the cause of its decease
N we can never be a part of its death
We can just play with its innocence
We can just hurt its purity
We cant terminate its existence
We are beautiful
Coz love is beautiful
N we would remain so
Even if our existence ceases

Life is not a dream
Its not a tailor made caravan of moments
Its not an ice cream garnished with extra chocolate sauce n cherry on top
You got to fight it every moment
When you don’t have your desires
You got to fight to achieve
When you have your desires
You got to fight to maintain
N when you lose your desires
You got to fight to survive
N all these time, you got to fight to know who you are
So that you can know what your desire is
Just fight fight fight fight ..
Nothing else is coming to my sight, describing life
N after all those fights even
What we get is loss
Loss of time, loss of energy
N in some cases loss of money too
But I don’t have strength to fight now
I gave in my best to fight for a thing which I love the most
N when I won, that thing didn’t like me
So where am I now
Again in a line of contenders to fight
N this time, to fight for a thing which I don’t even desire
At last I wana give up this fight now
What am I fighting for
N with whom am I fighting for
Fighting in itself means killing love
N my enemy with whom I fight, is also love
N the thing which I am fighting for is love
Which in turn I am actually not even getting at the end of the fight
So what am I doing except for wasting my time energy n money
The only three quantitative measures of humans
It seems, life is actually not made to be won
When it seems tailor made, it certainly gives failure
When it seems to be won by fight, the result is again a failure
N when it seems to be won by time, time again, gives failure
Whether it be time energy or money, it can never help us win life
So let me not try to achieve what cant be achieved in life
Let me be just a helpless merciful being

zinda hu abhi..

Kisi ranjish ko hawa do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Samay ke beetne se ghaav bhi bhar jaenge
Koi aur ghaav bana do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Aur bhi hausla baki hai abhi
Thoda aur dard pila do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Teri tasveer zehn me abhi bhi hai basi
Thodi aur aag laga do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Dooriya jitni bhi ayi sab mit gayi
Faasle aur badha do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Abhi bhi bahot baki hai khud pe yakeen
Meri pehchan mita do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Aise bhi log hote hain
Itne bhole bhale, itne seedhe sadhe
Bewakoof
Ye bhi nahi samajh pate ki kaun sirf dikhawa kar raha hai
aur kaun sachcha
jo chaahe unko apni ungliyo pe nacha le
aur wo, sab jaante hue bhi bante rehte hain
chalte rehte hain apni hi parchaiyo ke peechhe
bante rehte hain kitne logo ka mazaak
aise bhi log hote hain
jinko koi pharak nahi padta
jo apni hi hasi pe khud hi haste hain
kitni bhi baar chot kha le
aise log jo har kisi ko apne se bhi zada kareeb samajh le
aur yakeen ho jane par bhi na mane
ki unka bharosa kisi ne tod diya
is kism ke logo ka koi bharosa nahi hota
aaj wo agar kisi ke dard me doobe hue hain
to kal wo phir usi ke ird gird chakkar kaatte nazar aenge
ek baar se mann kaha bharega
isliye ek hi galti saikdo baar dohraenge
samajhte hain unse bada gyaani aur daani mahatma koi nahi
par yehi log hote hain, jo apni hi baato pe tik nahi paate
apne hi vachano pe mit nahi paate
bas khokhle ghade ki tarah bajte rehte hain
thokar khate rehte hain, phir chalte rehte hain

kyu kuchh na kuchh roz mujhe usi daldal me dhakel deta hai
kyu ateet roz mere aaj ko jhinjhod deta hai, zaleel karta hai
chhod do mujhe mere haal pe, nahi chahiye mujhe tumhari santvana
thak gaya hu mai, jo bhi pal aata hai, kyu wahi mere astitva se khel leta hai

You have a contaminated smell today dear friend
People have disgraced your purity
By sucking each other’s mouth
By rubbing n holding those sweaty hands
By spitting n throwing the garbage just wherever they may find
They have transfused their stinks to your perfume
For them it was just a valentine’s day
Even those roses they exchanged couldn’t lighten the atmosphere
But then, their behavior was understandable
Obviously, after all they are humans
But what happened to you
Your eternally fresh attitude
Or is it that with time, you too have changed
You now love to play with skirts, rather than blowing into faces, is it?
Or maybe, you just take advantage of western clothing
Like everyone else on the marine drive does
May be that’s the only alternative you have to love Gods most beautiful creation
But then, you have changed dear friend
People still crave for your freshness
People crave for you to wipe away their stress, fear, anxiety n all worries
People love to feel your calmness on their face when they are happy
Dear friend, what we regard as beautiful, is just an imaginary attraction
When reality strikes, your own assets worth much more than those illusions
Your freshness, your calmness, is much more expensive
Drowse me in your real essence
Let me blow away in the wind

Kaise reh lete honge itne dino tak chup
Ye khamoshi khokhla nahi kar deti hogi zehn ko
Kitni sari baate andar hi andar khati hongi
Purane jane kitni yaado ko, zakhmo ko, quredti hongi
Kya ehsas nahi hota
Shayad dil bhi patthar ban jaata hoga
Zara si thokar se zamana ghoomta dikhne lagta hai
Na jane pal pal marna kaisa hota hoga
Zameeni zaheeni sachchaiyo ka saamna karna
Roz zindagi se kuchh der aur jeene ke liye ladna
Kaisa hota hoga wo har pal
Jisme aatma tak nangi dikhti hogi
Jisme bebasi aur lachari gher leti hogi
Kab tak saath deta hoga ye shareer aur mann bhi
Jawab de deti hogi dhadkan bhi
Khud ki awaz kisi bhi tarah sunayi na deti hogi
Kaisi hogi wo zindagi
Kaisi hogi wo bebasi

As time goes by,I miss not much those things
Which causes hurt n pain when to think.
The same stabilization must be there at the other end.
This thought gives me more faith to apprehend.
Though the hollowness n helplessness to lose against time,
Would not be convalesced so easily n so early.
After all recovering from a loss needs time,
N when the loss is time itself,
Recovering would further mean losing time.
In every way, still losing against time.

Im in love

Im in love with Gods wittiest creation, humans
Thinking’s that petrify their minds
Situations which vitrify the hearts
Some who change with time
Some remain unchanged, satisfied, with their losses
Drowning in ones own tears sometimes
Some unknown of own feelings
N a few having heart as sublime as a shrine
Im awed to feel like every individual
I want to be every single one
Rich/poor, healthy/sick, job/jobless, old/young, woman/man,
honest/dishonest ,true/fake, theist/atheist,sensible/mad, just any one
I want to be a free soul, which dwells in every single human
If I succeed, I know I will know, every aspect of Gods love
There are other ways too, but I just love the way of love
Let me just be in love
I cant stop being what I am
This is what I am

I lost vicinity of my best times, even after losing so much time, battling against time. I wish I could go back in time, n undo all the time that I have lost, fighting against time. But I cant stop losing time.

Hey, what about those similarities you had
Those special coincidences, or if u say, serendipity
Do you still believe that signs exist
Do you still believe they form a part of so called loves nitty-gritty
Is life really a dream
To be walked on a path of instincts n intuitions
Or is it just another matter of complexity
What would your next step be
Would you still follow the rules that you made
Or would you lose yourself to the situational gravity
Old memories cant be re-written
Neither can new incidents replace them with alacrity
Caught in an unending maze my friend
Now tell me, can you solve it with the same simplicity n modesty
Its tough to go back on words
And going with words, you’ve lost completely
Live with it, n live tough.

dim lit moon..

Did you see the moon today mann
Looking at us with his faint eyes
Dimly lit, as if tired, of moving for so long
Did you feel his helplessness
As if there’s so much to say
Yet no words, or no strength to voice his thoughts
Mann, did you still experience the calmness around its halo
The eternal peace that surrounds it
Even if the spirit is gloomy, the air still breathes fresh
Making you realize mann, your heaviness wouldn’t portray up till your breath
The celebrations have ceased
So have those olden times
Its been a long day
An everlasting memory
“Sleep in my warm n soothing lap”, the moon says
A new day waits to dawn
Let your mind be an empty sky
Make space for the first rays of tomorrow to illuminate with the colors of life
Let go the holes mann , don’t delve, don’t
Don’t look for the pain n hurt
“It doesn’t matter mann”, she said once
It actually doesn’t matter . .

HAppY AnNIVerSaRy Love

Love long lasted as we enjoyed
The best moments of our lives
On this day..
Long lasted the goodness
That spread along
As a feast to celebrate our oneness today
A wonderful tour to a dream land
Something unheard of, unseen, unimagined
Of which the beginning was made today

Today, sometime back in time
We celebrated our accepting becoming one
N today, in present, we accept the cause of a death
Of an eternal n immortal love
Eternal n immortal as it was, it would stay
Just, not in the same way
Happy Anniversary Love
Salute to all the times of togetherness

Plz don’t call me stupid

I know im not worth anything
I know, there have been times when I upheld nothing
I know nothing for me counts
In my life, money name fame, nothing sounds
Neither do I bear any exemplary values
Nor do I own any rich avenues
Im just a common man with the commonest dreams
N my life cannot always be perfect, it seems
I too love enjoying pleasures of life sometimes
I too yearn to flaunt my assets n dimes
But what I am not, I can never be
I will always be as naïve, as me
(In comparison there is none greater naïve than the me in me)
I fail to avail the chances which I get to prove myself
N it never matters for the rest of the times, they are just of no help
The things that I do differently, becomes no different at all
N I never manage to do anything that could enthrall
But I am not stupid
I just don’t know how to overcome this feeling of being flaccid
My emotions, which I considered to be my strength, are now demeaning me
My thoughts though still keep on supporting me strengthening me
I don’t know how, but I will fight it out
I won’t let my hands down, I’ll find a way to be heard, to be loud

a day gone by
lost again to the sky
tried my best
on minds behest
yet ended where i started
like everyday today also departed
sitting n planning again for tomorrow
lets hope, tomorrow would not be another sorrow
lets hope someday there would be a new today
a new sun would rise..n would stay
little by little time is slipping
gaining victory over my destiny
but as always, i am still waiting
for the end of this tyranny
either only i would survive
or ill realize, i never survived

phir awaz ayi thi uski
Wahi masoom si shehed si meethi
Abhi bhi wahi bachpana wahi chulbulapan tapakta hua
Jaise phir jane kitni shaitaniya panapne ja rahi ho
Jaise sham ke waqt me kisi ped pe baithi dher sari chidiya cheh-cheha rahi ho
Wo nakhre, wo adayein, wo jhoot moot ka gussa
Wo mamta bhara uska “dhobi ki ladki” ka kissa
Wo paer patak ke laad karane ka bahana
Wo har shaitani ke baad daato ke neeche zaban dabana
Aur bade hi pyar se muskana
Road ke bachcho ko mac donalds ka burger khilana
Roz mere ghar jaate waqt, mooh bana ke ek flying kiss hawa me udana
Bahot yaad aati hai
Wo mera ek khwab hi to hai
Ek khwab jo maine uske sath dekha tha
Ab wo iska hissa nahi to kya
Ab tak khwab me jiya hu, aage bhi khwab sanjounga
Wo na chahe, phir bhi yaadein to nahi mit sakti na
Mere liye meri yaadein aur mere khwab hi kaaphi hain
Aakhir wo bhi, ek khwab hi to hai..

Itna kuchh karke bhi to kuchh bhi nahi kiya maine
Bas kuchh adhkachri si zindagi jeeta ja raha hu
Jo chaaha, usko pa nahi paya
Jo paya, usko nibha nahi paya, usme doob nahi paya
Kuchh bhi to nahi hai is band mutthi me aaj
Na kisi ka dard, na gham, na hi kise ke kahe hue alphaaz
Bas kuchh bikhre hue pal pade hain ek thandi si zameen par
Inhi palo pe paav rakh kar badhta ja raha hu nirantar
Kisi ke peechhe nahi hu, par koi aage bhi kaha hai
Dhundh sa bankar chhaya hua hai mera muqaddar
Kaha hu mai, kaha jana hai mujhe
Kuchh samajh nahi aata, konsa afsana banana hai mujhe
Guzarne na do in palo ko ae zindagi
Afsos hoga, hai adhkachri zindagi

The senses have gone now
The warmth that I felt is no more
Its cold n senseless
No feelings
As if the person inside it is dead
No energy flowing out
She must be feeling calmer now
She must have adapted to this
Its Perfect numbness

Time is trying to heal the wound again
It’s not so raw n sore anymore
Though the blood still hasn’t coagulated
N every touch of the air inflames it again
The wound might heal soon still
But the scar has made an everlasting blemish
There’s no sound of agitation now
The body has adapted to the numbness
Its lighter to carry oneself now
Pushing all the way through to the doors of nowhere
My truth is changing to their truth
N my blood cells gaining a new identity
Scared of revealing, my face, switching masks hastily
Drought eyes conceiving infinity
The inner soul trudging in a drag
Life finding new expressions, new beginnings n new company

Sanskaro se badi daulat aur koi nahi
Shishtacharo aur sadvicharo se badi shohrat aur koi nahi
Doob jana sikko ki chakachaund me aasan hai magar
Aatm-samman se badhkar zarurat aur koi nahi.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Colors..a vague writing..

Blue sky
Dark, blackish night
Yellowish orange street lights
Red color of blood
Dirty brown mud
Beautiful green leaves
Greenish bluish water of seas
Different colored fruits
Orangish ,suns silhouette
Transparent water
Color of the relation between father n daughter
Pure deep love
White, the color of dove
The ugly color of a disliking frown
The color of a harmonious peace loving town
The warmth of the color of love in bed
The paleness of coloration of a dead
The tinge of brightness in happiness
The eternal color of God bless
The silvery attraction of the worldly things
The golden treasure of our elder’s blessings
The dark blue gloomy mood
The colorful food n the decoloring feud
The beautiful silver stars over black sky
The colors of the time which with friends we enjoy
The color of success
The color of loss
The color of truth
The color of deception n albatross
N many more innumerable colors in life
Some visible directly, some unknown to human eyes
I thank all the colors for being
Without them,our vision are handicapped from seeing.

Trust

You used to cut your hand (cubitus) when angry
You used to hurt yourself when dissatisfied
I thought id make you independent n free
I thought id change your tears to smiles every time you cried
I gave you all the space that I could
I gave you every right as a wife, which a husband should
This was the trust that I had in you
N I just wanted to make this fact be realized to you too
I never used you
Or in better words, never misused you
I never wanted our relationship to be a part of the worldliness
I cashed in on every moment for your minutest happiness
N see what I got
A torn relationship, n ruthless pain which I never besought
Yes I know, there must be something on my part too
But then, don’t I have a right to even know what you are going through
No I am not writing to prove that I miss you
N I am not at all in a mood in any way to get back to you
Have had enough of trust
Have had enough of “I”, “U” n “V”
I just wana live now
Let the history just remain a history
But yes, I have learned a lot
I have learned about relationships, about love, n about God
Theres a lot more to see
N im ready

Drama queen..

Knowing everything, yet being so much unknown
Till what extent can a life continue like this
When there’s no will to live any more
When all the teachings taught by age become’s useless, worthless
When the imaginary strength of money blinds the truth
What is the limit of going on living without liking anything at all
No change, no newness, no interest of being alive
All capabilities burnt long while back in ashes
Everything vague, everything worthless
Yet the wickedness surviving the evil mind
Power of falsity overpowering the power of eternity
Lost by the limbs, by the brain, by all the senses
Yet the pride of money drifting along the unreal self esteem
Beating, thrashing, raging at all times without the strength to face the response
Without ever realizing the actual real self, n real capabilities
Till when can we be the spectators of Gods play
Give us strength oh Lord! Save us from dismay.

AHEM

Itna bhi na badh jana mere ahem
Ki mai khud ko bhi na pehchan pau
Jin ke sahare ke bina na guzarti ho zindagi apni
Unhi ko ek din thokar pahuchau

Itna bhi na badh jana
Ki aakho par siwae andhere ke kuchh mehsoos na ho
Ki dard hota ho jab kisi jigar ke tukde ko
Tab bhi ye dil mayus na ho

Mujhe mat duba dena ahem ke samandar me
Mai nahi chahta paiso ki chamak me khona
Nahi chahiye mujhe makhmali kafan
Mujhe de dena meri banjar dharti ka ek asmani kona

Kis kaam ka hai wo ahem
Jo swabhiman ko ghamand ke age girvi rakh de
Jo aatm-samman ko duniya ki chaka-chaund se kuchal de
Jo jeevan ko bhi be-imani me badal de

Reh lene do mujhe gareeb agar ahem hai ameeri
Beh lene do mujhe,bhale kitni bhi ho sachchai gehri
Kabhi to mai bhi tar jaunga
Kabhi to is andhi daud se ubhar paunga

Mat quredo un zakhmo ko jo kabhi bhar nahi sakte
Mat mehsus hone do unka wajood, mat yaad karo adhoore vade
Jo kabhi tha hi nahi, uski shikayat hi kya ho
Mit jane do, ghul jane do, beh jane do, wo rishte jo panap nahi sakte

Changing mind..

can you give a blind, his vision
can you give a deaf, his sense to listen
can you make a lame walk on his feet
can you make a dumb able to speak
n what even if you try
even if you brighten up the light for a blinds eye
what would he see in this world of hatred n jealousy
would he love the expressions on every face - of fear, discomfort n insanity
would he like to read those dreadful articles on affects of humanity
he’d be better off being blind
at least he would have one less sense to see the plagues of mankind
n what would a deaf listen to if given a chance
those howling ministers n their forever treacherous stance
or those abuses n vilifications used by our own brothers
divided by some supremo who has replaced God with his ownself
at least a deaf is better than a pitiful common man
who listens n gradually adapts to being a part of the distrustful plan
everyone here gets what he actually deserves
those who are deaf dumb or blind
at least are better than half of the mankind
n above all of this
who are you to attain such powers to heal these crisis
who are you to even think of helping
when you cant even improve your own living
you always want to see a change
but you keep your own self out of the range
no one can make others perfect
if you really wana start, start by your own resurrect

a disturbing thought

how can one find love again
once been in a relationship
can any new relationship replace it
can any present moment erase the past imprints
what happens when you feel discomfort
for not being in the relationship you always starved for
for comparing every new relationship on the base of past betrayals
once committed, how can the bond just vaporise
its like, whom to believe -
- a person who admits one lies
-or a person who admits one doesnt lie
-when you actually want to get away with lies
is it so easy to forget n not to regret
is it so wise to play for such a bet

death of dreamz..

i have seen my dreams die
i have seen the moments fly
when all that could have been true
washes off to something i never wanted to
when every calm breath
burns catching fire
when every peaceful thought
turns to an irresistible ire
when each drop of tear
causes irreparable deep sear
i look down to those days
when everyone seemed to be in a good phase
when harmony n happiness echoed
when life was a blessed abode
let this silence sink in for a while
let me observe n accept this time, n its guile
with every moment gone by
i wail silently for my dreams, to see them die

ye kahani hai ek phool ki. ek phool jo jab khila tha, to sab uske diwane ho gaye the. jaise ki sara sansar khilkhila utha ho. uska chehra jo bhi dekh leta, wo parmatm prapt kar leta. aisi shanti, aisa chaitanya, jo har kisi ko behla de. andhere me,jab use koi dekh na paye, us waqt bhi wo apni khushboo se poora vatavaran pavitra banata rehta. kitne hi bhavre, kitni hi titliyo ko apne pyar ke rang me daal deta tha.
ek din ek maali aya, aur us phool ko todne laga. us phool ko bahot dard hua, khoob roya, par maali ne kaha, wo use ek aur achhi jagah laga dega, jaha wo phool apne aapko Bhagwanji ke charno me paega. phool ne haste haste sare dukh seh liye. use maali ne Bhagwan ki moorti ke samne laga diya. thode din beet gaye. Bhagwanji ne us phool ko apaar, aseemit pyar diya, aur pavitra bana diya. Par wo phool, galti se, us patthar ko hi Bhagwan samajhne laga. Bhagwan ne use bahot samjhaya, har tarah se use dikhane ki koshish ki, ki jis patthar ko wo Bhagwan samajh raha hai, wo sirf ke sansarik vastu hai, Bhagwan to sarvyapi, sarvagya hain. wo is "physical" boundation se bahot upar hain. par ye baat phool ko samajh me aane me der ho gayi. us phool ko Bhagwan ke charno se hata diya gaya. ab uski jagah ek chattaan pe nishchit ho gayi. phool ne phirse apni jade basa li. phir se wo hara bhara ho gaya. par dheere dheere phool ko chattan se sneh hone laga. wo ye samajhne laga ki chattaan hi Bhagwan hai. itna taqatwar hai chattaan, ki koi use hara nahi sakta, koi use mita nahi sakta. use kya pata tha, ki is chattan se pyar karne ki saza me wo ek din, isi ke neeche dab ke mar jaega. ek din jab toofan aya, chattaan ke neeche ki zameen hil gayi. aur chattaan palat gayi. phool uske neeche dab ke mar gaya. apni antim saans tak jisko usne apna Bhagwan samjha, usne khud hi us phool ko maar diya.

A discussion about love

What is love?
• The first n foremost thing that comes to mind is, love is a feeling of being without expectations. A true love means giving without expectations. At the same time, if a doctor loves his profession, it doesn’t mean that he should not charge his patients for the operation or consultation. If he loves his profession, his first intention should not be money. If he gets money in turn of his services, then its right. He deserves it. Same goes for every situation. First intention of love should not be expectations. It should be just giving love.
• Loving does not happen by flowing into emotions. If a person loves, due to the fact that emotions control him/her, then its not actually love.
• Love never demands. it is more of acceptance in totality rather than demanding or changing.
• If its really love, then each moment, one feels developed n improved. Theres a kind of motivation to do something in life. Theres an encouragement to move on the right path in life. In love, one feels eternally strong. Theres no deterioration of any form.
• Love brings along playfulness. In love we tend to work more, we tend to innovate more, we tend to be creative
• if a situation comes, in which we need a change in someone, or in circumstances, we should not try to change it personally. We should pray to God for that change. In this process,meditation n courses like REIKI or pranik healing play an important role.
• It should be noted that our behavior, is in turn result of our prarabdh. We get those kind of situations, those kind of circumstances, which could lead to some event, which is a result of our prarabdh.
• Theres only one thing which can make everything right. This is the bhakti sutra.
• Anything which attracts at first is a form of depreciation. So to say, love if caused by attraction, then it wont last long. Anything which is formed by attraction never lasts long. For eg- this world. Every worldly thing attracts. But never lasts.
• when we think of different forms of love, we should understand that all these forms of love when combined together, when taken as a whole, would then be equivalent to how much the Almighty loves us.

Now apart from all these points we should understand that if we give our love undoubtedly, unboundedly, without expectations, to all of our relationships, in every way (meaning to say, to our parents, to our relatives, to our friends, to our special someone etc etc) then all the people involved would dissolve, n in the end, we would be able to understand, that in all these different forms, there was only one who was giving love to us, which is Almighty God. Its like, if we put together droplets of water, steam, ice n normal water, then we would see, that in the end, everything dissolves, only water remains, which in turn evaporates into air.Same ways all our relationships in the end dissolve into one Almighty.To understand this only, in olden ages people use to send their wards to gurukul, where all this kind of teachings were taught n a child was made ready to face the world, after understanding the basic concepts. Keeping all that apart, n talking in practical terms, one can easily understand that any relationship which breaks the natural flow of thoughts, which breaks the concentration from our lives to other things, actually depreciates our capabilities. N hence actually deteriorates our identities. This ways we are not only hurting ourselves, but also the Almighty who created us for some reason.
Maya is considered to be maha thagni. The reason is, as we know, there are three kind of character traits – rajogun, tamogun n satogun. While in rajogun, one is attracted towards maya due to “ichha” or “alasya” or expectations. While in tamogun, one is attracted due to bad habbits n addictions. N while in satogun, one is attracted due to the feeling of over confidence, or pride, or ahem. So however a person be, maya is always eligible to encapsulate one in its attractions.
“Seedhi baat hamesha seedhi baat hoti hai”. Theres no if n but in it. Theres no complexity in it. For eg- if your stomach is upset, it wont digest anything. Its clear n loud. Theres no if n but. This is how the creation of God is. Clear n transparent. Theres no complexity. It is how it is. N love is the same thing. Clear. Transparent. That is what its pure form is. Nothing hidden. Wherever anything hidden comes in, that means its not anymore pure.
This attraction towards depreciating things is ahenkar. Pride. When this feeling comes in love looses its purity. Also here one thing should be noted, that any pure n true relationship, is always true. There never comes any point of doubt, or complex situations. N if any relationship isn’t this way, then its never true. Its said, whats right is always right. Whats not, never was. This can only come when our belief in the Almighty is head strong. Any kind of psycho weakness, or depression is the result of lack of concentration, lack of understanding, n lack of satsang towards God. Satsang doesn’t only means reading some holy book. Satsang means walking on the path of truth, doing positive n good things, by which many are benefitted. Satsang means being in a company of good n true hearted people.
We always blame God for whatever is happening with us. We say God doesn’t do things for us. We just have to understand, that God has done everything for us. Its now our turn to do things for us. He has given us everything that we need for our self betterment. The thing is we just have to realize n work for our own betterment. But we still wait for God to do something for us.
Coming back to love, the only thing we should understand is, truth would always be truth, even if we don’t want it to be. A true relationship would always remain a true relationship, even if we don’t want it to be. True love never ends. If it ends, it never was true.

My trip to Bombay

I know that this article doesn’t relate to anyone. N I don’t even care what anyone has to say about it. I just wana write.
To be a bit extra adventurous, this time I planned my trip to the airport by public conveyance. This would mean going to Dhaula Kuan by bus, n then finding our conveyance from there to the airport. The best thing was, there were many things unknown. Like, for example, I had never seen Dhaula Kuan, n I didn’t know where to get down. Then, I didn’t have my printed itenary. I had to print it from the airport itself. Then, I didn’t have the card by which I booked my ticket. The rules n regulations said, I need to show it at the time of check in. Keeping all the unknown possibilities, we (my laptop bag, my hand bag n me) started on our journey.
I was finding it very interesting in the mean time to work on the documentary in Samyak. I had many future engagements coming up, many interesting new assignments already lined up for me. But then, God had plans for me to come to Mumbai.
My bus journey was very normalish. Nothing too new. Luckily I got down at Dhaula Kuan where my search for an auto started. After much bargaining I found one for 60 bucks till the airport. As we started, the driver started talking about why he should take 60, n not 40. Gradually while talking I came to know more about him. He was an 86 year old man, driving an auto since 1966. It made me feel, hes been driving auto even since I wasn’t born. What a long journey. I was really impressed by his smile. We were discussing the Indian system, n that there’s no positivity anywhere in the system, n yet he was looking so happy, so joyous. His teeth (original ones) showed no signs of tobacco or pan masala. N they seemed hard ones, though had gaps now. Whenever he used to smile, his tongue used to come out. When I got down, I just had a feeling to touch his feet, coz he was just like my own dadaji.
Then started my journey to Mumbai.
As soon as I entered the flight, there was such a beautiful hostess saying hello, I really lost my heart. I wished I was a bit more elder, n settled professionally..coz otherwise, I was just eligible to be her young friend. hehe..
Just after the flight got stable in the air, one of our co passengers, sitting in just the adjacent row fainted. As expected, the same hostess attended to him. She did her job well, as did the other crew members. After all they are all trained. But, lucky me, that I even got to see her emotional n caring side of character. She was also one of the “beautiful minds”. “Beautiful Mind” is the term I give to some people, who have extra ordinarily positive vibes. N not many have got that term by me. People like my Mom, my Mausi, Sanchita, Eshan, Shwahzeh, Nikki…n a few more may be, have got this compliment from me. I am very KANJOOS in spending this treasure of mine. Hehe.
Anyways, after thinking a lot, I thought I should at least give her some token of appreciation. I didn’t have a paper n pen. So I tore out the vomit bag, made a card of it, on top of which was made a smiley, n written thanks, n inside was a short n sweet poem. I don’t know whether she too appreciated it or not. When I was de-boarding, I walked out last, so that I could give her that token. But then, that stewart came in between. So pointing towards that hostess I handed that card to him, n said –“thanks, that’s for u”. They too replied as “thanks”. N I moved down.
On that card I wrote –
“I am not a flirt, not a forward kinda guy, n I am not witty
I justttttttttt want to appreciate, you are really pretty.
Aint I naughty?
Hehe.
ALL THE BEST.
Regards,
Seat 19 A
Del – Bom
Jet lite
22/01/09.”

If only

if I die, what would I miss
I wud miss my Mom
She has me as the reason to live
She has her dreams in me
N not just like any other parent
She believes in me more than that
She harvest in me, the courage to live
She made me realize what life is
I see her as an epitome of love
As an ocean of true n eternal feelings
I wud miss my Dad
Who stood by me when I faltered
Who never said it in words, but loves me the most
Who saw his dreams in me
Who saw my childhood as his own lost childhood
Who sacrifices every little thing, so that I can enjoy life more
Who always wants to be my best friend, yet never finds courage to talk
In whom I see my greatest supporter
I wud miss my Baba Dadi
Who always consider me their own son
Who want me to get to the top position in life
Who includes me in prayers, even when I don’t respond
I wud miss my mausi n mausaji
Who taught me innumerable values in life
Who gave me rights of their own son
Who are spreading the message of oneness
Who have actually shown me the path to God
I wud miss my love, Sanchita
I wud miss the time that I spent with her
I wud miss the weirdest of things which we did
All the adventure, all the innovations we had
I wud miss the moments, when I was closest to my own self
She baught out the best in me
She made me become a man
I wud miss my life
Where I did so many mistakes knowingly
Where I faltered, but enjoyed faltering
Where my eyes cud see the world thru human eyes
I wud miss being a human..

yet again one is a nobody
living just to live
eating just to survive
moving on to a no mans custody

breathing heavily
tired of walking
there is a road leading to somewhere
not anywhere that one knows

the newness of things
the unfamiliar yet known atmosphere
the kind sympathetic unwanted response
n the irritating sweetness

theres a lot to learn
on this way one has to tread
being silent n calm
even when the waters roar to submerge everything existing..

Maze maze me

Jab chale ham apni raah chunne
Tab pata nahi tha aisa bhi hoga
Badalte badalte zindagi ko
Badal gaye ham khud
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Socha tha ye karenge
Chaaha tha wo karenge
Par karne chale jab aakhri faisla
Faisle ne hame hi badal diya
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Aaj jab ham pahuche is maqam par
Nazar padi khwabo ki dukan par
Jab apna hi khwab bikta hua dikha
Kashm-kash manate reh gaye
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Haste hue,muskurate hue
Kadam pe kadam badhate hue
yu hi leh-lahate hue
Roz ek nayi zindagi jeete hain
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Jab wo aye
To kehna use
Ab hamne jeena seekh liya hai
Jeet lenge ham haar ko bhi
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Dekh le ab zamana bhi
Aata hai hame afsana banana bhi
Do patthar ki moorti toot gayi to kya
Ham mitti se paida kar denge nageena
Bas yu hi maze maze me