I saw her today
Her face had swollen hard
Her voice was shivering badly
N yet she wore a faint smile
I knew wat was going on in her heart
Its really difficult to sumtyms b wat u r not
N its helpless coz there isnt a way
There wud b people pointing fingers at u
As if u have done somethng u never even thought of
But uv already started long way back
N theres nothng which u can do to undo
Wat hapens, wen u want,yet u cant become blind to ur own feelings
Wen a day comes, n suddenly life takes away everything by surprise
Knowingly or unknowingly u become a victim of ur own cruelty
I did understand her
But this is d least I cud do
Life is not dependent on feelings
But its just some feelings which I cud ever give to you

Kal kuchh palo ne mere yaado ke shamiyane me dastak di
Kuchh nam, kuchh meethe, kuch bheene,aur kuch lal rang se lipte hue
Andar bulaya, saraha, pyar se unhe panah di
Unme se kuchh pal ab tak dard se tadap rahe the
Un palo ki aanch ab tak bujhi nahi thi
Ye wahi pal the jinhone kuchh zindgiya jala di thi
Jane kyu kuchh zindgiya bhulayin nahi ja pati
Jane kyu in palo ki lapte unhe nigal nahi jati
Rakh ho chuke ehsaso ki kashish ab tak in palo ki tapish me nazar ati hai
Meri raat na jane kyu in palo ki takiya ban jati hai
Kab hogi wo raat jab andhera savera ban jaega
Kabtak yuhi mera ateet meri yaado k shamiyane ko jalaega
Kuchh kadam to aise bhi chal le meri zindgi
Jiski yaad se zakhmi na ho koi bhi aane wali khushi

i feel so lost n helpless
every time i hear your voice
soon it wont sound painful
and the stormy winds would pass by
you wont lose anything
n i never had anything to lose
i couldnt even tell you what i owe you
before you decided what not to choose
it was just me from the starting till the end
who failed to comprehend
lying and playing with mud
it was me always who couldnt understand
its not the earth or earthly things
its about the soul and the feelings
but now it has been carved on the palm of my hands
i was a stone,and now want to be the dust
for the pain you went through couldnt make me bleed enough
all i want to wish now is my breath no longer lasts
for its time for me to repay for my past
wonder if i knew you ever
still you were my own, but now no more

They say its a happy new year
But wat has changed
Sumtyms it really kills me
I dont understand y every1 has gone so insane
Who needs a new year,wasnt d last one painful enough?
There r people dying on d roads,does ne1 bothers to feel their pain?
I just dont want to hear my inner silence
It screams n mourns every second
It burns my soul alive and bleeds
Does it matter its hell or heaven
What have I made of me
N y is it me who wants to care
It chokes my heart,i can never show how much it means
How much I need u,d luv that uv never seen
I dont wana dream about a happy life anymore
Im just happy drowning in this pain
I dont need blessings or wishes anymore
I wana silently die today in this rain

Come on you old bastard, look you came again
You think you'll hide your self in darkness, but I can clearly see your ugly face
You scoundrel, why do you always love killing my dreamz
Is it my pain you enjoy d most, or is it my agony
Why do you love to see me trampled over
What have i done to you that makes you so cruel to me
You know i would never budge in front of you
I would never do what you want me to do
Even if the guilt kills me, i am ready to face it
But the sins i have committed, i would never erase it
I know the purpose you came for, but this time you'd go empty handed
Ill not let you tear my soul and leave me stripped and stranded
Go away, leave me alone and numb
I am just happy reaping the dead memories

kuchh purani si boli hai shayad isme
kuchh suni sunai si bhasha
pyar ka ambaar chhupa hua hai isme
aur phhootti kaliyo ki nayi zindgi ki abhilasha
ae mann,kyu hai udaas
aakhir kyu hai tere antah me nirasha
khul ja,ud ja,behek le thoda
jaan le,maan le,bas yahin hai zindgi ka kinara
uchak ke chhu le apna akaash
akela nahi tu,sari srishti hai tere paaas

Breath by breath

There are so many different faces of me

n i see myself in so many different faces
yet not even one is complete
not even one belongs to my individuality
in every loss i gain so many faces
in every gain i win so much pain
there is none which encapsulates
none where this sequence would end
the cycle is on, breath by breath
just counting, until my death

Fwd: wierd

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: manas prakash <prakashmanas@gmail.com>
Date: 2010/9/21



silence in the dark
i just listen to my own heart beat
no voice reaches me
i am lost in my own company
no ray of light surrounds me
no fresh air around me
succumbing to my own destiny
lying deserted in a painful dream
i don't want anyone to hold me
no cushiony blankets to behold me
just wanna be lost in its wilderness till eternity

silence in the dark
listening to the crying sky
hearing the moon singing a mournful lullaby
lost for ever in their company
the starry night surrounds me
its damp breath around me
succumbing to my own destiny
lying deserted in a painful dream
i wish my solitude holds me
the cushiony blanket of eternal sleep beholds me
just wanna be lost in its wilderness till eternity

silence in the dark
listening to my soul flying away on dreamy wings
death singing a soothing lullaby
to steal me forever in its company
the stars and the night pulling away from my sight
vacuum benumbing my feeble fight
lying comfortably in a drowsy dream
there's no word or reason, now that i need
the cushiony blanket of peace beholds me
im lost forever in the eternity..

it seems we have been walking together since ages but never knew
it seems i never knew friendship, the kind i found in you
i was lost n lying in the shadows,
watching the night drowsing the sea shore,
never realized when you came and painted my world
you just stood beside,
hugged me tight,
held my finger and twirled
i never saw life in such a beautiful way
you rekindled that fire to live,
n told me so simply - "this feeling is here to stay"
now i see my life romancing with time
i could hear my heart, n all its melancholy rhymes
you gave me world which i had lost long ago
i wish i could thank you, n wish i could let you know..
but instead, i wish to give you a lot more than this
i wish to make your life more beautiful than an "eternal bliss"
thank you for being..

time n again the same wounds resurface
some sounds which had clung on to my ears when i was there
some moments which i forgot by the roadside where we used to walk
some words which are still unsaid
i no longer, am the man who i was
all said n done n its never gonna be the same again
some more dreams n some more pain

if i write would you like to read how vulnerable ive become..
there was a time when you used to walk beside me n everything seemed to become alright..
but what now? its ultimate dark n im walking all alone..naked n numb..
there would be people laughing at me n mocking me..
they would beat me..hurt me..bleed me..
n i would just keep on walking as i have to..aimless n lost..
this would go on perhaps till every single drop of blood in my body would trickle down my cheeks..n you would just see
no one would ever remember the days that have gone..
none of them would ask where is that reverence wheres that faith now..
would just a faint smile be enough to determine the death of a few memories..

jaane kyu yaado se ab tak mann sharmsar hai
shayad kuchh beete pal ab tak meri tanhai pe udhaar hai
kaun kehta hai hame raat ke andhere se pyaar hai
hame to sirf apni parchhai ke mit jaane ka intezar hai

chori chupke kabhi zindgi ke chalne ki aahat sunte hain
kabhi baithe baithe aasmaan me khwaab bunte hain
aksar kai khayal jaane pehchane se milte hain
par sadiyo se lipte jazbaat phir bhi kabhi nahi pighalte hain

kya aisi bhi raat hogi jisme andhera nahi ho
jisme har pal ek nayi dastaan likhe, aur palko me sawalo ka pehra nahi ho
jiske paymane tay karte waqt bebasi ka basera nahi ho
aur jiske khwaabo ke aine me kisi purani justaju ka chehra nahi ho

some old msgs

aaj chaand bhi apni bebasi pe roya hoga..
shayad uski raat ko kisi andhere ne chhupa liya..
khamoshi ne awaaz me dard piroya hoga..
shayad kisi khwaab ne meri tanhai ko chura liya..

---------------

kuchh yaado ki mithaas aksar apna zayka palko pe chhod jaati hai..
kuchh baate aksar aakho me nami le aati hai..
kuchh barisho aur kuchh haseen nagmo ka fasana tha..
par khwaabo ka kya hai,unko to ekdin jal hi jana tha..
mere astitva ki lehro me jo pal beh ke aa gaye the..
jinka muqaam meri khushi me ghar basana tha..
ek roz unhe sagar ki gehrai me ghul hi jana tha..
khwaabo ka kya hai,unko to ekdin jal hi jana tha..

---------------

kuchh pal aur jee lene do yahi..
ab kuchh hi saase baaki hain..
maana ki yaha ab tumhari parchhai nahi..
par tumhari yaade roz yahi hamse milne aati hain.

kahi pe kaate kahi pe udaasi..
kahi ek maasoom zindgi zara si..
parchhaiyo me ulajh ke beet hi jaegi..
kahi raat to kahi subah si..

a sprinkle of drop 'round the corner of my eye
and some glimpses of a broken dream yest'day night
thats all the remains, theres no more that i hide
there're no more pain, n no more feelings to sigh

that life, an illusion, and the happy memories
theres much more than a fantasy, i have to see
its about a world beyond me
n about someone i dont have to be

let not the eyes see what they behold
let not the words sink in again, as they were told
why to care about a soul which every moment is sold
why to yearn for a hand i can never hold

its fragrance, it enchants
theres none unaffected
it instills serenity
which can never die
but to live with
and realize
all of it was a lie
trampled over
and crushed emotions
dreams a dreadful sight
cornered
in the darkest addictions of the night
barely alive
inner wounds more painful
than those bleeding outside
a few more breaths remain
to succumb to the end of this life

kal phir ek khwaab aakho me jal ke reh gaya
bikhre ehsaaso ka abhaas phir pighal kar beh gaya

kahi ek nayi si subah dekhi thi
chehekti hui khilkhilati muskan si thi
jo aakho se aise tapakti thi
ki jaise poori zindgi usime doob gayi ho
jaise meri saase uski madhosh mehek me so gayi ho

kaash subah aate hi raat ko dhalna na padta
kaash kuchh aur der mai raat ban kar subah ki baaho me khel sakta
mere ateet ki parchhai jis subah ne mita di
kaash me kuchh der aur khud ko bhool paane ka ehsas kar sakta
par shayad har raat ki yehi neeyati hai
subah ki god me hi har raat apni aakhri saase chunti hai

kal phir ek khwaab aakho me jal kar reh gaya
bikhre ehsaaso ka abhaas phir pighal kar beh gaya

treading along the lost road
i could well comprehend being blind
killing time to end my survival
paining to push those memories behind
numbed as the future unfolds
crushing the visions of my sinful mind
does it even matter
can i ever burn off what is destined

i wish you were here
to see how the stars have come down to talk to me
to feel the light of our beloved moon shadowing my vicinity
i wish you were here
to feel the warmth of our love flowing gently
whispering in their ears moments of enchanting beauty
i wish you were here
to see through my eyes the celebration of our togetherness and felicity
and behold this vision and cherish till eternity
i wish you were here
but im blinded and i am not able to find you
theres darkness all around and theres no one who can guide me through
i wish you were here
to hold my hand n take me somewhere new
where i can be just numb, where nothing of the past would hold true
i wish you were here
i just wish you were here..

its been a long road ever since we drifted apart..
n there has been a million twists n turns..
but the pleasure of walking along with you..
can never be conceived again..
i wonder whether you feel it or not..
somehow we have reached the worst versions of ourselves..
its become a habit to trample over emotions..
n over see the feelings which have already burnt to ashes..
nothing matters now..
numbness has taken over the pain..
n the darkness has concealed my existence..
this was never meant to be the purpose of my life..
n i wont let this life change my destiny..

i know everyone has this complex somewhere deep inside that theres a lot more needed to deserve someone in life.everyone has gone through a phase in life where some relations had to be just left behind.n theres repentance..or better to say the helplessness of not having some past memories to be still alive.theres insecurity of finding some momentary happiness and loosing it again in the flow, and theres a hidden,unconscious hope,a dried vision of a future which would hold more brighter days than yesterday.N i cant think of any ray of light which would lead to the emerging horizon where my soul can be at peace.There are days when the warmth of some sunlight feels like a soothing balm over the aching heart.N there are days when the calm winds and the consoling nights drifts me along towards comforting dawn.A dawn which is the first step towards a new tomorrow.But the underlying wounds pulls backward thinking about the pain n imagining how the days would have been if those relations would have carried along.somethings in life are so easy to forget..but somethings just cant be erased.those r the things which have already made their path along along us till the eternity.

searching for the end of the road
strolling along the deepest silence
thinking there might be someone waiting in the end
sleepy night betraying my bleeding soul
putting a mask of isolation for pretense
but knowingly i just dont want to comprehend

theres so much that my "self" is carrying
so much,of it so much unknown
n yet,it goes on to continue
im yet to find my own self
yet to hear my own voice
n yet to realize that ive lost you

im on way to reach nowhere
n on this path alone my existence would gradually fade
i was a no one earlier n would always remain
i wish i had been what i couldnt be
only if i could have stopped my senses to evade
if i knew that it wouldnt stay if it rains

ek soch ki tasveer banayi
apni palko me rakh ke chhupai
ghul ke khwaabo me wo saamne ayi
ek nayi si zindgi usne dikhai

jab subah hui,aakhe khuli
kuchh kadwi si sachchai mili
zindgi to kisi ki nahi badli
bas subah ne raat ki khamoshi chheenli

raate to roz aati hain
saase in raato me kyu tham si jaati hain
kitni bhi karwat badale,aakhe raat bhar bhari hi rehti hain
bheetar kitna bhi andhera ho,parchhaiya phir bhi khadi hi rehti hain

it was an unknown journey
but too much known
there were some pure n beautiful dreams
and an innocence,now a reason to moan
as if the whole world knew
just not me alone
that, that path leaded to nowhere
if only now i could return back home

they assert that those imaginations were never there
dunno why i always believe they exist
there would never be a sign of light in this everlasting night
but still i love not to desist
my breath would slowly erase out, n vision would fade
but inner voice would still persist
even when im a no one, when my identity dissolves
there would remain that unceasing mist

on the bare stage now
you would still be able to see me
but this time not an angel like before
there would be no wings, no halo, n no dreamz
there would be a wounded heart, n a chained soul
n there would be nothing like it used to be
there would be just silence
a silence to prevail till the eternity

jaane kidhar jaana tha
jaane kidhar aa gaye
jinki khwahisho ka muqaam hamara thikana tha
unhi ke khwaabo se ham jaane kaise takra gae
kuchh unhone soch liya tha
kuchh ham ghabra gae
kahi to koi chehra kabhi jaana pehchana tha
aaj kaise unki yaado se ham kasmasaa gaye
jis pal ko sapne me bhi nahi aana tha
kaise us pal me ham chupchaap apni khamoshi suna gae

ek adhoori si raat me
apni aadhi band aakho se
chand ki halki si roshni me
tumhe apne kitna kareeb paata hu
har roz tumhe paake
phir ghabra jata hu
kahi tum raat k sath
pighal kar meri akho se na beh jao
kahi tum raat me ghul ke
andhera na ban jao
phir usi tarah har roz
subah aakhe khulne par muskurata hu
phir wahi khwab aya tha
kal raat phir se hamne tumhe khwabo me bulaya tha

Another season gone

With time, just fleeting along

Sometimes as a lullaby

Sometimes like the birds humming in the dawn

The dew drops dressing the edge

Waiting at the corner of the eye to trickle down

Beholding the beautiful imageries

(Those ever lasting memories)

N listening to the echoes of my favorite song

Not too long back there were some smiles across

N those empty stairs we sat on

Now theres nothing but a barren ground

And emptiness n silence all around

Before the sun sets i wish to go back home

To stay in my solitude all alone

I long to lie in the love of my moms lap

I pray to get those seasons back

The season that has gone

With time, just fleeting along..

A journey

You are neither here nor there.
You don't even exist.
All this talk about you is a waste of time.

You may be there somewhere.
But it does not matter.
I have no need of you.
I can manage my life quite well by myself.

You are either here or there.
I don't quite know.
But somehow your presence seems to matter.
Particularly when things are not going the way I want them to.
Sometimes I am at a loss and I need you.

You are here and there.
Your presence does matter.
May I visit you?
Why don't you visit me?
I won't stay long.
In any case staying with you is rather dull and uninteresting, after
a while.

May I come and stay with you or you with me?
The last time we were together it was quite fun.
Every thing worked out so easily, almost magically.

I would like to stay in you.
I would prefer you staying in me all the time

You and I.
I and You

One

just for some time

i stopped and listened
to all those voices which would never cease
for some time, i just dont want to speak
for some time, i dont want to be

during all those hollering around
i could listen to the silence inside
for some time, i just dont want it to subside
for some time, i dont want itself to hide

i know that i would never be able to prove my innocence
n if only i could find out the reason
for some time, i just wish to accept those treason
for some time, i wish to live with my sins

time would pass by
but things would keep on reflecting the same
for some time, i just want to burn myself in those flames
for some time, i want to incinerate my identity n my name

expressions

i wish i could
but i cant
n i dont want to
dont ask me to understand
i dont want to think
just let me be
i dont care
im not disturbed
i dont want to be anymore
n this wont end
n this time..im happy with it..

I wonder how swiftly time passes by
Just yesterday today was a tomorrow
And today again another tomorrow is going to end
My eyes yearn and heart longs
For a tomorrow that never comes
A today that never ends
A yesterday which never existed..

there was a time when you were so connected
so obvious
so beautiful
so pure
n serene
there was a time
when i used to drowse when ur hair used to drop on my face
when i used to touch u
n u wud never say no
there was a time when ur eyes used to fill with love
whenever u wud see me
when there was hardly any distance between u n me
when we merged into one soul
mingled with each other
when u used to hold my hand and say - ill be there for you till the end of ur life
and beyond
when our long walks never wanted to end
there was a time when just a single gesture wud make us experience never ending heaven
when ur feets which stood on mines used to make me feel in solitude
when ur hand on my heart used to change the song of my heartbeat
there was a time when that unending sensation of the lips used to feel you in the blowing air
and now that time has gone
that feeling has died
and that serenity crushed n trampled over
the remains of the dried tears still on the cheeks
and a ruined soul left in internal sorrow
to make things more complicated - thinking never stops
thinking whether it ever existed
whether i ever knew what was true and what was not
i still miss those unforgettable feelings
i still long for those moments for which we were waiting so eagerly
only to find if it wasnt a dream
if it was, then i can bet, none can be better

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

Kuchh palo ko phir se samet ke le aye hain
Kuchh khwabo ke ashiane phir se sajaye hain
Ateet ko bhula pana mushkil hai
Par yaado ki potli akho me chhupa kar chura laye hain

Jab raat ke andhere me kabhi akhe khud ko dhoondhengi
Tab un yaado ki roshni me mann apni manzil ko chhoolega
Jab akho ki nami se mann bheeg jaega
Tab neend ka rath mann ko kahi door uda le jaega

so what do i do now
my eyes dont seem to get back to normal
the wetness lingers on
my hurt dont seem to heal
the heart still beats though
what do i do
to overcome these pinching memories
these unstoppable thoughts
which overcrowds my mind
i see u in people
i feel u in places
i hear u in songs
n yet, i cant tell you what i feel
i cant make all those wrongs to right again
what do i do
what do i do of those millions of words unsaid
of those unattended observations
of those un-sensed feelings
that i could never portray to you
what do i do of this restless pain
which keeps on resurfacing again n again
having one last wish
to tell you what i am
in the end..
nothing matters..nobody cares
life just moves on..

death of dreamz..

i have seen my dreams die
i have seen the moments fly
when all that could have been true
washes off to something i never wanted to
when every calm breath
burns catching fire
when every peaceful thought
turns to an irresistible ire
when each drop of tear
causes irreparable deep sear
i look down to those days
when everyone seemed to be in a good phase
when harmony n happiness echoed
when life was a blessed abode
let this silence sink in for a while
let me observe n accept this time, n its guile
with every moment gone by
i wail silently for my dreams, to see them die

13.12.09
Would it be wrong to say that angels exist
Atleast there must be some similarity which makes me feel this
May be her cute smile is what mesmerizes me
Or the way she dresses her hair so beautifully
When after seeing it ,a bright sunny day transforms into a beautifully soothing dusk suddenly
Or may be im just mad about her beautiful fingures and nails beautified with a tinge of mehndi
Or her slender and beautiful feets
When she takes off her sandals to put n rub her left feet against the right feet
She seems so beautiful and earthy that when she walks, it feels as if the earth itself is strolling along
Her magnanimous figure seems so merged with the nature around
Its like a perfect blend of eternity and humanity
I still wonder what make her press her lips between her teeth
Is it her feeling of being watched by someone?
Or is it just a feeling of insecurity?
Whatever it is, I admit admiring her even then
Just that I can never even try to become her friend
May be because she doesn’t understand me so well
Or may be I don’t consider myself able enough to deserve
Probably I would just always be a secret admirer
May be then I could behold her in my dreams and remain nearer
I don’t ever want her to know
Coz it would be more difficult then to let her go

Sometimes the feeling of being just fades
Just some tranquil perceptions remain
Some feelings which never get satisfied
Some desires which never get quenched
And some unwashed tears in the rain
Sometimes I wish I could be invisible
Sometimes I wish I could just stare
For it fills me to just watch my life passing by
I cherish just the feeling of her being there

08.12.09
Ek kadam kabhi tez chalte hain
To har kadam khushnuma sa lagta hai
Agar kuchh kadam kabhi ladkhada se gaye
To sama gumsum sham sa dhal jata hai

Mann ki nazre jo raahe dhoondhti hain
Aksar un raaho pe andhera milta hai
Jo nazre raaho me hi gum ho jaye
Aksar unhi ko mann apna anjaam maan leta hai

Tamannae yu hi bekhud karti rehti hain
Jabki muqammal hona unka hamari kismat me nahi
Jab kabhi dard me zehn se rubaru ho, to yakeen hota hai
Apne mann me mann ki ichhao ka maujood hona apni fitrat me nahi

02.12.09

Kaash zindagi kitab ke panno ki tarah jalai ja sakti
Kaash ki rooh pinjre se azaad hue panchhi ki tarah udai ja sakti
Kaash ki dard paani ki tarah pighal kar aasuo me beh sakta
Kaash ki dil aakho ki tarah bezuban hota
Kaash ki khwabo ka jazbato se koi sambandh na hota
Zindagi ek khamosh si sham hoti.ehsaso me kitna sukoon hota


30.11.09

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what figure a rose holds
Its fragrance is enough to empower and behold
N sometimes when the fragrance too is faint
The feeling of its presence revisits the remains
Its beauty never fades
Though its perceptions in life change due to various shades
Doesn’t it sometimes feel helpless not to be able to feel
Not to be able to adapt to the real
I wonder if I can ever enjoy the beauty of a rose
I wonder if..no one knows


27.11.09

Em ef zero one three
A place where I love to be
An epitome of affection
A master piece of a diversified nation
Karan being the head of the state
Huge responsibilities, heavy duties, but he is never afraid
Doing every bit for the sake of our batch
He is the most eligible bachelor, still looking for a match
Talk about match,Anshul n Hari are the captains
Not only in fun, in life too they scored a lot of runs
Though hari is not in a hurry, taking things slow
Anshul seems almost all set to go
Found and settled and ready to mingle
But sadly hari is still single
Just walking along is my building block sambit
Not only in relationships, for every dimension of life, he’s perfectly fit
He definitely is a multi talented character
N his love story is the most interesting chapter
Though theres still time for an official introduction
But her lady luck surely is something worth a mention
Then comes kalpana and tapan
Kalpana blushing always on the name of her husband
And tapan being lost always thinking about his special someone
I wonder how beautiful it wud feel to be a husband or a wife
I really wish both all the very best in life
Next is someone who has made his own destiny
Nothing is impossible for him, he is our star, Abhi
Reaching out for the toughest summits
Yet so down to earth,so placid
N so is puneetha
So calm n peaceful, she is such a sweet heart
Always smiling beautifully
Though we still need to explore her hidden profundity
Savitha n shubha definitely are the batch’s love birds
Though savitha’s sweet voice still needs motivation to be heard
After all she must be saving it for her beau
But then that shows her feelings are so true
Shubha is definitely a melodious devil
She composes waves all the time, however the sea still remains tranquil (hidden meaning)
There sweet n smiling face always makes the batch aglow
N they would certainly make a difference wherever they would go im sure
Next comes someone who has a lot of secret admirers
Some in class, some more unknowns else where
Though it hardly reflects through her attitude, shes always carefree
Her style is most different, afterall shes Gayathri
Though im a lot scared of her, but may be this is meant to be
She seems quiet an intellectual, I don’t know im right or wrong
But this is for sure, wherever we find her, we can surely find Abha along
She is another serious n studius girl, whom i still cant predict
But I know her veiled naughty and funny side does exist
Talking about exploring, even Prakriti has a lot hidden
I surely vouch for her singing and writing talent
She is someone who is always found smiling
It seems simplicity melts down in her living
Just akin is our beloved Sachin
Always twinkly and so caring
Though he has the master key of doubts
But this is no doubt that he makes our batch proud
N so does Deepika, our chief of fun
Though a lot of us our scared of her violent streak
But shes not any different from us freaks
N specialy with Tarun n Krishna always pulling her leg
Any saint would turn into a devil, what else can we expect
Tarun being the devil mastermind and Krishna the hidden demon
Compensating the yin n yang (of our batch) is impossible without them
But needless to say
Come what may, they would be the best buddies always
Talking about fun is always incomplete without mentioning kaka
With an everlasting smile on his face, pallab is truly our batchs pataka
He is a man of huge heart
He is simply the best, all his qualities sets him apart
Vamshi as the name depicts- is the sweetest of all the guys
He has a magnificent voice and a dashing personality which could easily hypnotize
Though he is yet to find the love of his life
Im sure whoever it will be, he would be a perfect husband to his wife
For Mandar I would say just a simple line
His loyalty and devotion would go across the barriers of time
His deeds speak louder than words
He would be the light (through his knowledge) in which our batch would shine
N so would be Revathi n Ravi
Ravi enlightens us with his enchanting and caring mind
And Revathi mesmerizes us with her spellbinding designs
Devi, is like the captain of our ship
Though she seems quite delicate n soft hearted, but she can fight any hardships
Saranya is one more strong character
Her abilities are yet to be unraveled
But I can assure that she is one more magnificent marvel
Anirban is a multi talented genious
Tapping along rythms yet finding time to be serious
His heart is pure and kind
I hope he soon gets the one whom he always has on his mind
I know he deserves the best and he would soon get it too
Though everyone knows him, but the ones who really understand him are few
Then comes Swati, a tender loving and affectionate character
Her heart proves itself truly through her sweet and caring nature
And Praveen is the most simple and decent member of our batch
Simply observing life flowing along, and smiling at the plans God has
Chandrashekhar or Chan as we fondly call
Is surely different from the rest of us all
His skills span through a huge variety
N he surely incorporates a lot of hidden abilities
Bharat on the other hand is a hidden ace
He likes life to go on his own pace
His brain processes a lot, but he speaks less
For everything in life, I wish him all the best
Where else could I find such enormous treasure of friends
May be this is just another way through which Gods blessing descends

a bunch of old posts

25.11.09
A silent night has dawned again
Memories have revisited the subsided pain
With a bag of mixed feelings along
Life has been trying to find a new meaning to an old song
Some experiences are pleasurable, some hurt
Life has been showing new faces each with a new birth
Its difficult to understand
Whether mask is portraying behind the feelings
or is it the feelings portraying the mask


20.11.09
If you would have been there today,you would have seen
How unkind and wounding people have been
You would have sympathized and said,doesn’t matter im with you
and I would have flown away and drowsed in your love too
we would had been enjoying our special moments beautifully together
alas! Its not gonna happen ever.


16.11.09
There wont be a time when ill be able to tell you
And may be you would never understand
That’s how it should be may be
That’s what God has planned
Feelings doesn’t matter
Doesn’t matter if we ever meet again
Im collecting all the shadows together
While in solitude, I might again cherish the rain
Memories cost a lot
It costs a lifetime to nurture a single thought
I spent a millions to harvest what ive got
N yet to think of it,I never got what I sought
N so would be this time too
My memories and imaginations would always find you


15.11.09
Somethings are never meant to die
However hard we may try
The reminiscence would persistently kill us at the birth of each second
Why some feeling affect us so badly,no one can comprehend
Its been long since my dreams started dying
Since then ive been living on some begged breath,ive been buying
Sooner or later everything would end
Numbness taking over life moment by moment
Before I loose time,I wish to say goodbye
And I wish to behold you just once in my eye



13.11.09
As time moves on
The sea would cease to blend with the sky
Light would distinguish both the identities
And the lonesome heart would again be left aside
Drifting in hope and listening to the rising suns sigh
A new day would begin
Nothing would be the same that once met the eye
Feelings would feel a change
Once a beauty, might even feel estranged
long lost sleep,unblinking eyes would run dry
counting seconds every second



07.11.09
Once there was a time when loneliness killed
A time when life was a thrill
Now its just a desire to flow with the flow
Silent and slow

Colors are but mere reflections of unfulfilled desires
Xray vision prevents from any attractions or admires
The value of trust, honesty and love is difficult to know
When the cycle of breath ceases, how can we expect to grow

There never seems to exist any pain
Never would any tear wash along with the rain
Numbness has taken over each sorrow
A quiet today would lead to a quiet tomorrow


06.11.09
Her eyes are beautiful
Her hair falls beautifully too
N so seems to be so many of her qualities
But shes not you

Feelings feel to be the same
Memories effacing, just assuming a new name
Shuffling sides of the same game
Its difficult not to feel ashamed

Directionless life still continues
Numerous ends, doomed,no power to choose
a bruised heart still secludes
Yearning for a stagnant unchanging mood

07.10.09

My assets
Few dreams
Few regrets
Few memories
Some loneliness
Some uncertainities
A little bit of wisdom
A little self respect
Some minor accomplishments
A modest and truthful mindset
And above all, my parents
And their happiness

04.01.09

There’s so much that the rain wets.

Yet theres so much that it doesn’t.

But when the sun takes over again

Theres no sign differentiating that the rain haven’t.

We often live in its pretence.

Coz its only when the sun descends

That we are able to see if we got wet in its presence

Or was it our solitude coz of which our eyes moistens

01.10.09

Its useless to desist pain coz gradually even a sustained scream becomes a solitary silence.

01.10.09

Ek dheemi si roshni me
bheegi palko ke kinare
kuchh beeti yaado ki mehfil jami hai.
Sagar ki ati jati lehro
ki dastan sunte pattharo
ki thandi saaso me aakar
zindagi thami hai.
Kuchh lamhe guzar gae
kuchh baaki hain.
Kuchh ehsaso ne
anubhav ke darazo me
jagah bana li hai.
kuchh darazo me
ab bhi anubhav ki kami hai.
Kuchh aur ranjishe badh jae
phir shayad keh sake
ye banjar bejaan zameen
hamare khwabo ke bikhre tukdo se bani hai.

28.09.09

Often it seems as a decade just passed a few moments back

But sometimes it seems more than a decade to pass just a few moments

How often do we see our real image in the mirror instead of the one that we have put on

When a mirror is but a reflection of our pasts which we have always concealed

There was once a time, but now tears, pain or anguish can never seem to console

It doesn’t matter now. Life, Feelings, Morality have been buried long ago

It would just tick on till the light dies and the wetness dries

27.09.09

Can’t I help my self
Just for some time..
It hurts to be absent
Am I of no use..
A thrown aside crushed piece of paper
Scribbled with useless daily tallies
Where do I get to from here
N what do I get in the end
What am I trying to accumulate
What am I trying to bargain
Is this what can make me of use
No im not again searching the purpose of my life
I just want to experience my life as a part of a life
Do I hardly make a difference
Even if it is all planned, am I meant to believe

28.09.09

Often it seems as a decade just passed a few moments back
But sometimes it seems more than a decade to pass just a few moments
How often do we see our real image in the mirror instead of the one that we have put on
When a mirror is but a reflection of our pasts which we have always concealed
There was once a time, but now tears, pain or anguish can never seem to console
It doesn’t matter now. Life, Feelings, Morality have been buried long ago
It would just tick on till the light dies and the wetness dries

Home

Moist warmth of the air, concealing
nostalgia. Silence revealing
the whispers of the breath. Strolling
lonesome in the twilight, talking
quietly to the self , and remembering
the matured infancy of a lingering
past. Home, a place for purifying
my heart and comforting
my bleeding soul. Soothing
known voices sheltering from the perturbing
of an inhumane love. Home, pillowing
a peaceful night, before the dawn is instituting
the indomitable, eternal state of a human being.

Shadow

It was the most silent n numb night. The mood as usual was somber, after a lonesome walk. Not any different day. Passed memories captivating senses, lost in pain n helplessness, walking sluggishly towards the room. Just a step before the last, there was a shadow which shivered my heart. A shadow which inhabited darkness. Absorbed in complete invisibility, emptiness n silence. A shadow which shattered me to pieces once again. Another death of a piece of my peace. A seeming end for one more of the few last breaths. An idol was just murdered.

whithered rose

Have you seen the withered rose lying on a dusty road
Crushed by million feets n their unsympathetic abrasive heat
A rose which could bring a smile while a stroll in the aisle
Which could leave its essence every time you sensed its fragrance
Lying in blood, mashed and bruised in the mud
Does anyone care for the one that was once there
For its lost beauty, lost in nurturing a million of our prayers
Trampled by own loved ones, breathing its last breath
wont anyone care..wont anyone have any regrets?

04.09.09

I want to close my eyes n think that im no more. I want to feel that I am just a soul. That papers n proofs n results don’t make me me. That it doesn’t matter to anyone whether I live or die.The same way in which thousands of people sleep in rags on road without having even a single meal throughout the day,doesn’t matter to anyone. The same way that millions of parents abandoned by their bloody honourable children live a miserable life. N the same way that hundreds of physically impaired people n children are neglected n abused physically as well as mentally every day every where. If I am alive,n if I have to live anyways, then I would rather want to endure each n every feeling of pain n hurt which is caused because of the inhumane nature of someone like me. Im embarrassed to be alive n to be a part of this society.

if only-you were here

(after affects of the song- are you lonesome tonight.)
I’ll never be able to tell you
N even if I do
You wont understand
Time has changed
N things have changed
It hurts! No more can we walk hand in hand
So many words remain unsaid
So many remains unburnt
So many moments and.. wishes still alive
And a wounded heart n its immortal cries
Every time the wind blows, it unearths the sand
Walking bare feet on the molten memories
Has never been easy without you
Drifting numbed, every second, in the past
If only - you were there, the pain wont last
(1.you being there in my thoughts, the pain wud never end
2.You being there in my life again,the pain wud not sustain.)
Dunno why
Still it comforts to just think about you
N romanticize with the remnants

12.09.09

One upon a time there was a child
who admired a star in the sky.
The star was so bright
that it almost blinded the child’s sight
every time he looked. Beautiful in its way
it gave immense strength to the child
to shine one day. As the child gradually grew
the star came nearer n nearer.
He could feel the warmth of the star which mesmerized him.
He could bask n relish being in its light.
Slowly as time passed
the child started to realize
the stars light is not going to last.
He recognized that the light
that the star boasted off was not his own.
It was rather a mask upon his black soul
which the child now could not disown.
A memorable sky on a star lit night
Had turned a painful nightmare
The star which once stole his sight
has left him helpless n despair.

Yaad aenge ye pal,har naye kal me,
Kayi zindagiyo baad barso purani ghazal me.
Is bhavar ke karwat badalte chakachaundh se peher me,
Thaki ankho ke berang khwabo ki seher me.
Yaad aenge ye pal,har naye kal me,
Kayi zindagiyo baad barso purani ghazal me.



Fighting vacuum what would you find
When d cherished memories are already buried behind
Wounded emptiness can never offend
Together, the dark silence would rather compliment
Though stage is set for new horizons
Sluggish heart hurts clinging on to the never ending presence
But to think still I have a reason to smile
Coz I walked that long with you for quite a while



Yado ka karwa jab jab aata hai,
Sanse dheemi akhein num kar jata hai.
Jab har khayal apni ichha se aata hai,
To phir kyu ye karvaan bin pooche dastak de jata hai?



Suni sunai zindagi se ab nazdeeqi se waqif hue hain,
Nazariyo ko pehchanne me aksar galat saabit hue hain.
Par asal zindagi se pehchan nahi karni hame.
Nahi behna mann ke jhinjhod dene wale sailabh me.
Nawab ladkhada gaye to kya,
Abhi bhi dum hai zameeni gehraiyo me.
Abhi gum nahi honge waqt ki parchhaiyo me



Damn these memories which don’t let me live.
Damn the world which clouds every mans thinking.
Damn those thoughts which every now n then we perceive
N damn this dreadful n miserable living
When is d mind actually gonna be free
When can we just end never to again,see



Mankind is helpless, n we are all living to make it more so.



Us roz Ghana andhera hoga
Aur gum hoga roshni ka namonishan
Nam palke aur anant me doobe hue mann ki khamosh yaade
Aur bas goonjta sannata
Jo ki bhar dega hawa me ant ka ehsas
Na hoga savera phir kabhi
Na hi kisi gulshan ke khilne ki phir hogi shuruwat
Na kisi aur jeevan ki pehchan
Na hi koi aahat kisi badlav ki
Na koi beete soche sunaye khwab
Na kisi ummeed ki aas
Us din nawab apneaapko apneaap me sametkar
Pankh ban,ud chale ka chhoone bheetar ka aasmaan
Banana apna akela karvaan
Bas mai aur mere ehsas



Kaun kiska hua hai yaha
Har pal badal jata hai sama
Hamne dekha hai palo me rang badalta insa
Udhari khushiyo se nahi banta nisha
Mat honi do ehsaso ko insane pe baya
Aur kyu rahe kisi ki ichha
Ishwar khud ho jaha



Kash ki koi kisi ko dekh na pata
Kamsekam tab hame khwab sajana to na aata
Kano me to sirf awaz goonjti hai
Par aakhe taras kar baras padti hain
Tab kaano ka shor cheekh bhi padta
Par aakho ka pani to chhup jata



Once upon a time those words meant so much.today they don’t mean at all.those promises would even make a sound,after they shatter n fall.



Ahista ahista nawab ko manzil mil jaegi
Apne ehsaso ki mehfil mil jaegi
Aur mit jaenge dabe unkahe sare jazbat
Jab rooh kisi khushbu ki tarah hawa me ghul jaegi



The air remains so gentle calm n peaceful all the year round
May be that’s why,even when d most tender dreams die, they don’t make a sound
It remains the transporter of thoughts,the constructor of imaginations
N it serves as a savior to our teardrops n foundation for our salvations.



Zindagi bankar zindagi
Nawab ki zindagi me ayi
Zindagi se zada zindagi dikhayi
Aur phir zindagi churakar
Degayi zindadili ki duhai.
Waah nawab kya kismat payi
Zehen ki nomaish jab shuru hui
Log haste rahe hamari sadadili par
Kabhi unhone raunda kabhi zindagi ne zaleel kiya
Ham haste rahe chupchap khade wahi par



Sometimes I wish I could b sober,
Sometimes somber,
Sometimes wiser,
Sometimes stronger,
N sometimes I wish just not to be
N sometimes, not to be me.



Jab kal aega,
Jane mai kya wo reh paunga jo aaj hu
Jab kal aega
Kya mai usse keh paunga mai sath hu
Roz jab kal aata hai
Bas kal ke intezar me sochta reh jata hu
Ek din to wo kal aega
Ek din mera beeta hua kal aega



Aaj kuchh sochne ka dil nahi karta
Bas andhere se akho ki pyaas bujhani hai
Kab tak dil ke jhuthlave me jiyenge
Ab to har roz sach ki nayi hi kahani hai



Jo dekha in akho se
Wo ghinona sach kabula kyu nahi jata
Jo chhupa hai andheri palko me
Uspe kabhi vishwas kyu nahi aata
Kyu dard kisi ek roop me tik nahi jaata
Kyu darr ek baar samne aakar dikh nahi jata
Ab bas jal jane do is aag ko
Bujh jane to raat
Pighal jane do mann ke daag ko



If it’s a dream that I would live again
Then I would rather keep living with my dream
Than take chances to loose even a dream to live again

what is wrong, what is right
who is going to decide
who is able enough to complain
who is actually completely sane
im not the one to decide
n i dont have any complains
i just wana be me
i just wana be insane

27.07.09

How different would it have been - If I were blind
If I were blind - I would have got empathy for everyone’s pain
I would have got a better insight to the reality around me
If I were blind - I would be able to feel the actual feeling to get wet in the rain
N all those others which I usually do not
I would be able to hear the sound of footsteps of people nearing me
Of the swishes n rustlings n silent whispers
N the unsaid words enounced by small sounds of gestures
Which we unknowingly neglect
Our perceptions would be so virginal as they wont be based on what we see
A depth of understanding, a solemn maturity
And yet I would be away from the real world, in a world of my own
Like I always want to be, unseeing the dreadful reality
May be then, I would achieve my own entity
Which would not be based on the last ten days of my behavior
But be judged on the three years of my lost love’s eternity

26.07.09

Bin banaye bhi kitne rishte ban jate hain
Bin kahe, bin samjhe ham unhe nibhate jate hain
Jab ehsas hota hai, to mann utfullta se bhar jata hai
Jaise koi talaab sagar se mil gaya ho
In rishto ki pehchan apeksha-rahit hona hi to hai
Par in rishto ko pehchanna asaan nahi
Aur pehchan ke, usi tarah bin pehchane rehna mumkin nahi
Yehi par hota hai badlaav
Aur yehi par badh jata hai abhaav
Hame mehsoos nahi hota aur ham beh jate hain bahaav me
Aur kho jati hai wo pavitrata, wo sadgi
Jo us rishte me thi, jise hamne pehchana nahi tha
To lo.. aaj mai har rishte ko bhulata hu
Jisko maine kabhi pehchana tha

23.07.09

We’ve sold ourselves
To the people around
Some have limited to the bodies
N some have sold their souls
How valuable is it to be oneself, anymore
Wrapped-up in a cocoon of forgery
Does one really care of the original being
Its just show biz
Many have already died
But the sensation of death is yet to be realized
How does it feel
To be a part of this numbness
Not to be the real me

23.07.09

Im thankful to you for the pain
I could hear the requiem of the world around me
I could be a part of the world that surrounds me
Its because of you that I could become humane
Doesn’t matter if you remember me or not
I would remember you, n love you forever
For what you’ve done to me
For making me a man before drifting me in the stream
Not many get a chance to be a part of the flow
You gave me a reason, n motivation to set out
N understanding myself, gradually I got insight to the outer world
I wish I could thank you for what you have made of me
For setting me free

20.07.09

How many times do we realize
What is important n unimportant in our lives
What sustains n what terminates eventually
What makes our lives happy or ruined miserably
How many times do we realize our real strengths
How many times do we count on our real friends
Life moves on too quickly
Lets not run, Lets think peacefully
Lets relax n take time
Lest it would end before we realize

20.07.09

Running between two rails
Personified balance, finding which amongst two prevails
Carrying so many passengers
Some young n jovial, some frail
Passing through hundreds of destination
Still moving without fail
Bearing all kind of loads
Listening to million stories
Going through versatility of moods
Keeping a thousand secrets
Mingling different roots
Yet ending up in distances
At the terminus finding differences
How life moves like a train
Finding coherence when the end is insane

"chanda ke rath pe wo aega ek din
mujhe sath lekar wo jaega ek din
meri maang bhar dega taro se wo
banaega dulhan mujhe"

"tu jo chhoo le pyaar se
aaraam se mar jaaoo
aaja chanda bahoo mein
tujh mein hi gum ho jaaoo ...
main ... tere naam mein kho jaaoo"

its not time to think
there wont be ever a time to think
how pure can be pure
how pure can be our feelings, our character
there wont be ever a time to think
to mold ourselves
to see ourselves in that role
how can we be so happy with ourselves
how can we be so blind to ourselves

a story of a prince

there was once a Prince
who lived beyond his capabilities
soul of each life
he never missed an opportunity to rejuvenate happiness
his life was more of a fairy tale than reality
everything good would happen to him
n anything bad, he would turn it to beauty
he had a horse
which could take him to the freedom of heaven
that was his life n soul
whenever he needed anything for himself
he would just ride his horse, n again regain himself
it was his horse which was his strength to carry on
it was his horse
because of which he could replace all the sadness with happiness
n then one day, as expected, his horse died
now he couldnt ride ever again
he was broken, yet was standing strong
he believed that God would be there always by his side
but till now, it was his horse which was his God
how could he now understand that God always remains by our side
now that horse is gone, where should he find his God?

05.07.09

Aur kitne sawal karoge
Kabhi to ant hoga
Kabhi to intezar ki bhi seema khatam hogi
Kabhi to mann jeevant hoga
Saagar ki gehraiya kabhi to satah se takraengi
Kabhi to khushi ki talaash ka chir-anand se milan hoga
Aakhir kab tak mook baithe lehro me gote khaenge
Kabhi to sannata dhamake ki tarah phatega
Kabhi to anant andhera bujhega
Aur kabhi to ye sapna toot kar in ehsaso ke astitva ko sapne me mita dega
Kabhi to rooh hawa me ghul jaegi
Aur kabhi to in sab se upar apna basera hoga

someone somewhere..

Gham ki andheri raat me
Dil ko na bekarar kar
Subah zaroor aegi
Subah ka intezar kar

Zindagi bhi kya zindagi
Tum nahi to hai kuchh nahi
Chaahenge tumko umra bhar
Muskura ke dekh ab idhar
Subah zaroor aegi
Subah ka intezar kar..

Khwahishein kya hain khwahishein
Jo kabhi yu hi poori ho
Khushiyan bhi ho be-asar
Ho na ye gham agar
Gham ki andheri raat mein..


Ham Yahan aaj kal wahan
Kise pata ho kal kahan
Is liye aa jeele chal
Ke phir na beet jaye ye pal
Gham ki andheri raat mein..

Nostalgia

If there was Ctrl+Z in life...
Nostalgic memories of those 'good old days' – world has changed and we also changed for the world !!!
Are you missing those days? Sometimes I do..


Doordarshan' s Screensaver

Malgudi Days

Dekh Bhai Dekh

Ramayan

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

Turning Point

Bharath Ek Khoj

Alif Laila

Byomkesh Bakshi

Tehkikaat

He Man

Salma Sultana DD News Reader

Vicco turmeric,
Nahin cosmetic
Vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream

Washin powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaaye

I'm a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and
I'm a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia)

Surabhi : Renuka Sahane and Siddharth

Then were 'Mungerilal ke hasin sapane' and 'karamchand' ...'Vikram Betal', etc.

How did one survive growing up in the 80's and 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags..

Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…

No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…

When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…

We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bicycles even when the brakes failed going downhill…

We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….

We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…

We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bicycle.

We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other…. How?

We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses…. nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours

We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, fruits...yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.

And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swig from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs...

We did not have Play Stations, MP3, Nintendo's, I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD's, Home Cinema, Home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc ...

BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!

We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the backdoor…

We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again…

When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade…without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors…

Such were the days…

We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..

Most of all, we learned to respect others…

I wish those days could come back..

02.07.09

What is it that makes my identity
What truly belongs to me
Is there anything at all
Or is it all just a fake morale
How do I see myself today
Is it any different from yesterday
Am I really befitting my life this way
Are my ambitions running astray
Why don’t I find in me
what ive been searching since eternity

02.07.09

Ab aur nahi, ab saha nahi jata
Aankho ko ab andhera chubhne laga hai
Neend aati bhi hai, to andhere me hi gum ho ke
Adhoori kahaniyo ka silsila ab kaate chunne laga hai
Jeevan samay me sama gaya hai
Chir-sthayi paristhitiyo ka jaise samanvay aa gaya hai
Chalte chalte ab thakaan lagne lagi hai
Zindagi kisi nomaish ki dukaan lagne lagi hai
Kisi ko kuchh khareedne ke layak se nahi lage ham
Kisi ko sirf dekh ke, tatol ke mann behlana hai
Koi mere khwaab khareedne aata hai
Koi sabit kar jata hai ki mera mann – toote sapno ka kaarkhana hai
Nahi chahiye zindagi se kuchh mujhe
Bas meri zindagi mujhe wapas de do
Wahi purane khilaune, purane sapne
Wo purane rishte mujhe wapas de do
Nahi chahiye mujhe nayi ummeede
Bas wahi mere purane lamhe mujhe wapas de do..

..

it was a dream that i lived with you
a dream that i wanted to come true
n though, it all never ever happened
i cherish it, as a gift from you
how do i tell anyone what it was
what do i explain myself for the loss
only you could realize its essence
but you arent there anymore
how would you know
i wish that i could wake up n see
nothing has happened like how i imagined it to be
you would still adoringly embrace me
n the world would still be heaven for me

alas!
life would take its stride
it would leave us behind
in those memories
n though we would still exist
we wont ever be able to feel
the same old heavenly breeze

26.06.09

A railway line to heaven was in process to build
Which would go far till the hill
There was a dream of peaceful love filled guild
Being the strength together but until
A day came when strong flowing winds blew off the rails
There were no signs of the existing fairy tales
Parallel rails turned opposite ways
Bountiful love became bountiful dismays
There wasn’t any hope
What was left was some remnant smoke
Sooner or later everything had to get over
I wish i had more time savor
I wish it would not have been this way
Let the memories rest in peace i pray..

24.06.09
if I were to be what I want to be
dunno how life would be
it would be just a dream may be
cause it wouldn’t couple with reality

those bare feets won’t be able to walk that long
hearts so compassionate wont be so strong
everything right would then prove wrong
not many would agree to get along

after all theres much more than love n compassion
to reach high ends one needs some aggression
the slightest should have a long lasting impression
hurt n anguish should follow the flow in immediate fashion

how does it matter if it actually exists
who wants love to persist
even if I strive hard, the perpetual falsity wont twist
let the eternity be alone, the sky insist

the days gone by are history
let the dreams die in the closet like a mystery
let chains be the new form of being free
let the search finally end to find me

24.06.09
if I were to be what I want to be
dunno how life would be
it would be just a dream may be
cause it wouldn’t couple with reality

those bare feets won’t be able to walk that long
hearts so compassionate wont be so strong
everything right would then prove wrong
not many would agree to get along

after all theres much more than love n compassion
to reach high ends one needs some aggression
the slightest should have a long lasting impression
hurt n anguish should follow the flow in immediate fashion

how does it matter if it actually exists
who wants love to persist
even if I strive hard, the perpetual falsity wont twist
let the eternity be alone, the sky insist

the days gone by are history
let the dreams die in the closet like a mystery
let chains be the new form of being free
let the search finally end to find me

16.07.09

n gradually this time would go by
i sigh
wiping off all the reminiscence
slowly.. sucking out life
and breath by breath taking away all those moments
helpless
lost long ago
n dying bit by bit now
losing sight of the cliff while falling through the depths
engulfed in the dark
wish to have said good bye

How would it be
Don’t ask me
Though I am being strong
But don’t know if it would carry for long
It would be ages far away
Just don’t want it to be a dismay
There would be washing away waves
There would deserted dark caves
N there would be lost me
hanging between future n destiny
Wish everything turns out good to see
N not a nightmare for my testimony

02/06/09

How easy is it to forget what you don’t want to
Its like taking flight to fly from the top, when you don’t know how to
Falling down, minute by minute
Remembering past with regret
N wanting to turn back time
The golden age which leaves reminiscence
Raping our present with its presence
The lost time, a reason for our time loss now
Was once a joyous present, moment of solemn vows
N would soon be just an imagination, lost in history
Something, which was never meant to be

02/06/09

Come into my world
N see those beautiful colors of my emotions
White, blue, red, orange, yellow n green.. n many more
Come n dive into all the love that I have
Unconditional, unbounded, ubiquitous, untrammeled
Though I don’t know you, neither do I want to
I want to experience the divinity, the oneness between me n u
I just want to know, the essence which relates me to u
I want to become a part of the wholeness, which encompasses me n u
Feel n let me feel, the true meaning of a relationship
A real relationship, which is already there, doesn’t have to be made
A relationship which doesn’t give us an option to accept or reject
Which is stronger, ageless, eternal . .
Give me a chance to explore the real me, n the real relationships of my me
I wish I could feel to be the world in totality
Be with me, n feel, what I see

01/06/09

Ive faltered
But ive learned
Ive gained a new life
N ive earned my self
Ive known what I am
Ive known some meanings
Ive seen a bit of world
N im prepared for the rest of it
Im gona walk this thin line till the end
That’s where I see the light coming from
I am sure, im following the light not darkness
N im sure, I would be a light to the world

for my feeling called love..

you have been doing it since then. its not at all new. for a thing as pure as love, you turned your heart, and now you cant undo. it doesnt matter to me, if you hurt me. it wont matter to our dreams which were always unreal. in the end it would just matter to you. you are flying to an unreal peak. when you break down, you'll fall down, all through the height, alone. the world which is building your base, actually doesnt even exist. you'll realize it, but it would be too late. i wish i could still protect you, harness you in my love. oh i wish so much..you were there..

a lost friend..

you had been quiet close to me
though we never talked much
without being in your physical touch
i could relate to you as a friend
i could never give or take advice
neither did i remain very nice
but still, that relation was there
unheard, unthought of, unfelt
its today, i realize..
im sorry for not missing you when alive
it wont matter much to many
hardly some would care
may be i would forget too
but i cant forget that you were there
i wish best of luck to you friend
i should have wished it a little earlier
how i feel helpless now, to be so late
sometimes it feels too hard to fight our fate

a feeling..which died..

did you see the moon today
can u hear, his cruel rumble
his blood colored light,can u see
what must he have felt
when my beloved bird was torn apart
when feather by feather, he plucked her beauty
his blood stained teeth, it kills me every time i see
she was flying so gracefully in the sky, so high, so freely
the most beautiful creation of God
how does he care, now that his stomach's full
how could he even think of her purity
he would never know, he killed a million years of my existence
he would never know how she could have changed the eternity

Let me be invisible today
Let me be a ghost
An evil ghost may be
I wana hurt n be hurt
I don’t want to care about anyone
I don’t want to cure my injuries
I want to realize that even I have an individuality
If its end, then let it be
If its disgrace then let it be
I want to succumb to my own destiny
Let me experience the naked brutality
If my experiences are short of life, then so it be
Let me renounce this fake identity n wear transparency
Just for once, let me know what it takes to be me

which is the right way
what have i got to do
standing in the midst of sludge
which way should i pursue
am i not capable enough
am i growing frail
where did i make mistakes
where did my intuitions fail
may be one day i would realize
it wasn't me taking decisions
somebody planned a plot with precision
im just playing my role
i was never complete without you
it was you who made me whole

the leaves on that tree have started to fall
the roots though are firm
but it wont grow anymore tall
its not it's end term
it has to live a lot
i have started seeing its pain now
n my helplessness to help is clear n sought
it has been like this since ages
its toughness was admired but pain was never thought
its become it's habit now
loneliness has become friends, n family fought
teardrops dried up, feelings melted
its been numb since, debile and rot
i wish i could become its strength
i wish i could tell him..
papa..i love u a lot..

agar ant hi hai is kahani ka ant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar sach hi hai wo sab mannghadant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar takdeer hi hai sikudan
to phir yu hi sahi

ive lost my identity to dust
the pillars which made me strong
are no longer standing tall in my honour
i have hollowed them to shame
now i know i am not going to stand long
the ground beneath has sunken in
theres not enough anymore in my name
the time has gone, the grace period expired
ive pushed the limits too much
n yet, nothing has been etched on the charts of history
i wana be left to ruthlessness and pity

we can never compare ourselves with them
however rich and exuberant we may be
their penny would belittle our millions
if they are the eternity, we r just miniscule stones
our services to them for even lifetime
can never equilibrate their love, whichever form it may be
n yet when age takes over, we consider ourselves as their God
huh..who can explain, when is it considered to be sane?
is insane sane or sane sane?
life is not so deep as it seems,yet its deeper
are we the real we when we know who we are
or are we the real we when we dont know who we are
universally, we are but successors of our elderlies
what we are today, they have been before
n what we would be tomorrow, they are today
the difference is, they are ahead of us,n we can never compare

riding the waves of imagination
ive lost my state of conjugation
when my mind wants to fly
my dreams wants to die
emotions incessantly pouring out
emptying my conscience, killing my scout
exhausted eyes can no more behold
contrasting visuals leaving outcomes blindfold
its not the way it used to be
what used to be is a golden memory
now not much is left upto me
let life test me,let this be my destiny..

donning this blanket of night
concealed from my own negligent sight
i wish to cease my soiled existence
i wish to curtail my innocent pretense
for what i am, no one but i know
which is killing me to think, so
just let this darkness overshadow me
let my atrocities reveal
so that i dont be what i am
n become not just a sham of my inhumaneness
let me accept the damns
and freely experience the immorality
let me bare my nakedness to the serenity
let me know the real me
i wish not to be

effortless efforts have ceased already
glowing soft skin has creased already
unstable hands now need support
numbness has overshadowed retort
walking the treacherous path of life
is no longer feasible alone
trust is no less difficult
there has been a lot to moan
wrinkled feelings,unsatisfied emotions
disturbing experiences, long lived notions
let me break these boundaries n be free
let me fly away to become one with THEE

what do we really want?
desires? love? respect? or individuality?
or the endless list which never ends?
where is the end to our mortality?
n what is its cost?
do we have to pay a price for chastity?
is this the consequence of our sanity?
for how long would we keep on regretting
for being what we are not?
for how long would we keep on forgetting ourselves
for not achieving what we sought?
what do we really want?
n what is its cost?

New station new platform new beginnings
Time to board a new coach on the train of life
You miss it, you loose an innings
You board it, no guarantee you'd thrive
Be a part of the crowd
Or be an observer to the loud
No body would decide
Whats wrong or right
Acquainted you may find a family
Deserted you may find time for past agony
But nothing would survive
The next station waits for you to arrive
It would be sooner this time i guess
Speed is a direct proportion of age
The less you stay, the less dismay
But it wont happen your way

so how much time does it take
for an angel to turn to a demon
how much time does it take
for all the words said to get unsaid
n how much time does it take
for a life to become lifeless..

it takes time to accept the answer
n it takes time to assume vaccuum

kya socha kya paya
kya chaaha kya kamaya
kabhi patthar pe sir mara
kabhi lehro pe ghar banaya
raato me kabhi zindagi padhi
din me andhera manaya
hone ka ehsas ab jaag chuka hai
mita diya hai ab har saaya
dhoop ab tez nahi
aur kuchh ab shesh nahi
zindagi ki mithas ko maine chakha
mera chaitanya wapas laut aya

tumhe chhupa kar rakha hai kuchh panno me
kabhi aakar dhoondh lena meri mohabbat ke nishan
jab samjhoge tum zindagi ke hisaab
shayad tab yaad aaye tumhe mera khwabo ka jahan

kyu hai koi majboor
kis liye hai zindagi benoor
kabhi sir utha kar ji kar dekho
hogi zindagi ko tumhari hukumat bhi manzoor

baato ka kahan koi wajood hota hai
sapno ka kahan koi saboot hota hai
jaane kyu ham sapno ki baate karte hain
sapno me kahan koi jahan mehfooz hota hai

even when you are on way to the ultimate
dont feel proud n joyous
coz if even a thought of distraction comes
you'd loose
purity doesnt even imagine impurity
theres no other way to truth
boast about when you be there
otherwise you would never be there
dont imagine what mouths would say
coz when they would open, it would never be your way
there can be no one but you
coz there exist no one, but you

I am..

i am
therefore you are
if i dont be
you wont be
if i dont be
my world wont be
i am therefore caged by my world
caged to see, feel and perceive
caged by this name and identity
i wish to renounce this power
i wish to disown my destiny
i wish to be free
i wish to be eternity