a lost friend..

you had been quiet close to me
though we never talked much
without being in your physical touch
i could relate to you as a friend
i could never give or take advice
neither did i remain very nice
but still, that relation was there
unheard, unthought of, unfelt
its today, i realize..
im sorry for not missing you when alive
it wont matter much to many
hardly some would care
may be i would forget too
but i cant forget that you were there
i wish best of luck to you friend
i should have wished it a little earlier
how i feel helpless now, to be so late
sometimes it feels too hard to fight our fate

a feeling..which died..

did you see the moon today
can u hear, his cruel rumble
his blood colored light,can u see
what must he have felt
when my beloved bird was torn apart
when feather by feather, he plucked her beauty
his blood stained teeth, it kills me every time i see
she was flying so gracefully in the sky, so high, so freely
the most beautiful creation of God
how does he care, now that his stomach's full
how could he even think of her purity
he would never know, he killed a million years of my existence
he would never know how she could have changed the eternity

Let me be invisible today
Let me be a ghost
An evil ghost may be
I wana hurt n be hurt
I don’t want to care about anyone
I don’t want to cure my injuries
I want to realize that even I have an individuality
If its end, then let it be
If its disgrace then let it be
I want to succumb to my own destiny
Let me experience the naked brutality
If my experiences are short of life, then so it be
Let me renounce this fake identity n wear transparency
Just for once, let me know what it takes to be me

which is the right way
what have i got to do
standing in the midst of sludge
which way should i pursue
am i not capable enough
am i growing frail
where did i make mistakes
where did my intuitions fail
may be one day i would realize
it wasn't me taking decisions
somebody planned a plot with precision
im just playing my role
i was never complete without you
it was you who made me whole

the leaves on that tree have started to fall
the roots though are firm
but it wont grow anymore tall
its not it's end term
it has to live a lot
i have started seeing its pain now
n my helplessness to help is clear n sought
it has been like this since ages
its toughness was admired but pain was never thought
its become it's habit now
loneliness has become friends, n family fought
teardrops dried up, feelings melted
its been numb since, debile and rot
i wish i could become its strength
i wish i could tell him..
papa..i love u a lot..

agar ant hi hai is kahani ka ant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar sach hi hai wo sab mannghadant
to phir yu hi sahi
agar takdeer hi hai sikudan
to phir yu hi sahi

ive lost my identity to dust
the pillars which made me strong
are no longer standing tall in my honour
i have hollowed them to shame
now i know i am not going to stand long
the ground beneath has sunken in
theres not enough anymore in my name
the time has gone, the grace period expired
ive pushed the limits too much
n yet, nothing has been etched on the charts of history
i wana be left to ruthlessness and pity

we can never compare ourselves with them
however rich and exuberant we may be
their penny would belittle our millions
if they are the eternity, we r just miniscule stones
our services to them for even lifetime
can never equilibrate their love, whichever form it may be
n yet when age takes over, we consider ourselves as their God
huh..who can explain, when is it considered to be sane?
is insane sane or sane sane?
life is not so deep as it seems,yet its deeper
are we the real we when we know who we are
or are we the real we when we dont know who we are
universally, we are but successors of our elderlies
what we are today, they have been before
n what we would be tomorrow, they are today
the difference is, they are ahead of us,n we can never compare

riding the waves of imagination
ive lost my state of conjugation
when my mind wants to fly
my dreams wants to die
emotions incessantly pouring out
emptying my conscience, killing my scout
exhausted eyes can no more behold
contrasting visuals leaving outcomes blindfold
its not the way it used to be
what used to be is a golden memory
now not much is left upto me
let life test me,let this be my destiny..

donning this blanket of night
concealed from my own negligent sight
i wish to cease my soiled existence
i wish to curtail my innocent pretense
for what i am, no one but i know
which is killing me to think, so
just let this darkness overshadow me
let my atrocities reveal
so that i dont be what i am
n become not just a sham of my inhumaneness
let me accept the damns
and freely experience the immorality
let me bare my nakedness to the serenity
let me know the real me
i wish not to be

effortless efforts have ceased already
glowing soft skin has creased already
unstable hands now need support
numbness has overshadowed retort
walking the treacherous path of life
is no longer feasible alone
trust is no less difficult
there has been a lot to moan
wrinkled feelings,unsatisfied emotions
disturbing experiences, long lived notions
let me break these boundaries n be free
let me fly away to become one with THEE

what do we really want?
desires? love? respect? or individuality?
or the endless list which never ends?
where is the end to our mortality?
n what is its cost?
do we have to pay a price for chastity?
is this the consequence of our sanity?
for how long would we keep on regretting
for being what we are not?
for how long would we keep on forgetting ourselves
for not achieving what we sought?
what do we really want?
n what is its cost?

New station new platform new beginnings
Time to board a new coach on the train of life
You miss it, you loose an innings
You board it, no guarantee you'd thrive
Be a part of the crowd
Or be an observer to the loud
No body would decide
Whats wrong or right
Acquainted you may find a family
Deserted you may find time for past agony
But nothing would survive
The next station waits for you to arrive
It would be sooner this time i guess
Speed is a direct proportion of age
The less you stay, the less dismay
But it wont happen your way

so how much time does it take
for an angel to turn to a demon
how much time does it take
for all the words said to get unsaid
n how much time does it take
for a life to become lifeless..

it takes time to accept the answer
n it takes time to assume vaccuum

kya socha kya paya
kya chaaha kya kamaya
kabhi patthar pe sir mara
kabhi lehro pe ghar banaya
raato me kabhi zindagi padhi
din me andhera manaya
hone ka ehsas ab jaag chuka hai
mita diya hai ab har saaya
dhoop ab tez nahi
aur kuchh ab shesh nahi
zindagi ki mithas ko maine chakha
mera chaitanya wapas laut aya

tumhe chhupa kar rakha hai kuchh panno me
kabhi aakar dhoondh lena meri mohabbat ke nishan
jab samjhoge tum zindagi ke hisaab
shayad tab yaad aaye tumhe mera khwabo ka jahan

kyu hai koi majboor
kis liye hai zindagi benoor
kabhi sir utha kar ji kar dekho
hogi zindagi ko tumhari hukumat bhi manzoor

baato ka kahan koi wajood hota hai
sapno ka kahan koi saboot hota hai
jaane kyu ham sapno ki baate karte hain
sapno me kahan koi jahan mehfooz hota hai

even when you are on way to the ultimate
dont feel proud n joyous
coz if even a thought of distraction comes
you'd loose
purity doesnt even imagine impurity
theres no other way to truth
boast about when you be there
otherwise you would never be there
dont imagine what mouths would say
coz when they would open, it would never be your way
there can be no one but you
coz there exist no one, but you

I am..

i am
therefore you are
if i dont be
you wont be
if i dont be
my world wont be
i am therefore caged by my world
caged to see, feel and perceive
caged by this name and identity
i wish to renounce this power
i wish to disown my destiny
i wish to be free
i wish to be eternity

im quitting blogging for a few days..
let new thoughts come in..
let me catch fresh breath..
let my mind n my mood set in for a change..
past has overshadowed my present..
i dont want it to cage my future..
let me find new words..new songs..new life..
let me overcome this feeling of dissatisfaction..
let this helplessness cease..
let me find new means to live life..
enough of moh..
enough of sentiments..
let me get to ground now..n do something for myself..
amen !!

Kisi ko paiso ki talash hai
Kisi ko rishto ki talash hai
Koi khushiyo ki talash me hai
To kisi ko sapno ki talash hai
Par aaj ki duniya me na kisi ko khud ki talash hai
Na hi apno ki talash hai
Har kisi ke mann me ghrana hai
Har kisi se tulna hai
Ghamand hai, nasha hai
Asthir, ashant dasha hai
Koi mahatma hai
To koi sarvshreshtha buddhimaan
Koi azam bana phir raha hai
To koi vishwa vikhyat keertimaan
Har koi prasiddhi ka kayal hai
Prem bhaav, sansarik manyatao se ghayal hai
Shri Krishna aur Mohammed sahib ki ibaadat
Mahetvaheen hokar ban gayi hai nafrat
Bhagwan Isa Maseeh ki sahejta, ekroopta
Ko ab log samajhte hain hukumat
Har ghar me chhida hua hai andolan
Har mod pe hai ek nayi jehad
Kaun manta hai wafadari ko ab
Hai pak mohabbat ab kisko yaad
Kabhi aise bhi dil hote the
Jo zara si baat par mit jane ko hote the tayyar
Jo zaban par jaan chhidakne ka rakhte the jigar
Jo chhote se jhoot se bhi hote the sharmsaar
Jo kabhi vada nibhaya karte the umrabhar
Ab kisko parwah hoti hai zaban ki
Kisko phursat hoti hai sochne ki jahaan ki
Har cheez ka matlab hi badal gaya hai
Sarvjanik shoshan ka chalan chal gaya hai
Phir bhi, kuchh to hoga hi ki ham ab bhi jee rahe hain
Na kisi ki talash hai, na kisi se koi shikayat
Na kisi baat ka ghamand, na koi bhi aur chaahat
Jiye ja rahe hain bas…
Jeeta rahenge kuchh din aur..

Lurve

When two bodies attract each other so much, that their minds, as a part of body, tries to become one, then we call that feeling sometimes as love. Each one of us feels that the same feeling which all of us have, is actually different for every one of us. Huh. What an irony. N this is not actually created by man. Its eternal. The reason being, all of us feel, that we have a different kind of mindset, a very different kind of thinking, yet we don’t realize, that our manufacturer is the same. Huh. We have same kind of essence that all others, of us have. N yet we are different from each other. This is called an eternal irony. Hehe.
Love, is just a feeling that is common to all of us. Whether we know someone or not, whether we are linked to someone or not, the feeling that comes to our heart at that time, for that person, is nothing, but form of love. We have love for everyone, known or unknown. Just that we have a human tendency to compartmentalize it. To divide it, into many forms n relations. But in this process, we actually forget the actual love. The actual process, the actual feeling. We just live to satisfy ourselves, n to meet the needs of society around us. Till the time our position in society is maintained. We even sometimes love, only to live upto the expectations that society around us has of us. What a shame. We lose our own identity in the hands of that society, which belongs to no one, which can do no good to anyone. N above all of this, we have become so inhumane, that we don’t even think of our own selves. We don’t have time to think who we are. We just go on living, just to live. It hardly matters no.
For me it does. I want to know what love is. I want to love. But not the way that society wants me to. I want to love, the way, my heart tells me to. Irrespective of the known unknown boundation. Irrespective of expectations. N irrespective of any third person or the society. I just wana be me. I just wana be everyone around me. N I wana experience the oneness, that I have with everyone around me, that God has, with all of us.

Aaj phir tumhari khushi yaad aa gayi
Jiske liye maine din raat koshish ki
Jiske liye meri khud ki zindagi mujhse khafa ho gayi
Zindagi ko mana bhi leta mai magar
Apne hi astitva se lad kar kaise beetta ye safar
Aaj bhi, bas yehi dua hai mann me
Tum khush raho, mile khoob khushi tumhe jeevan me
Mai nahi janta mujheme kuchh alag hai ya nahi
Mai nahi janta ki maine jo kiya wo sach tha ya nahi
Maine bas wo kiya, jo sachche pyar me karna chahiye
Maine wo kiya, jo mai khud shayad apne bare me nahi soch sakta
Aisi shakhsiyat nahi meri
Ki mai itne oonche darje tak pahuchu
Mai bas ek aam insan hu
Mai bas khushi baatna chahta hu
Tumhe kabhi na bhi pata chale agar
Raah dekhengi tumhara, meri nazar
Mujhe nahi farak padta chaahe jo bhi soche ye falak
Zameen ab bhi meri hai, aur sath rahegi mere marne tak.

Chhodna mat koi hasrat adhoori
Jane zindagi aage ho na ho poori
Jane phir ye din aye na aye
Jane kab ban jaye tanhayee majburi

Zindagi se koi shikayat nahi hai tumhare bina bhi
Pehle bhi kahan rukta tha samay tumhare hone ke ehsas se
Ab bhi nahi rukta tumhare na hone ke gham me
Jo shuru hui hai to khatam bhi hogi zindagi
Kuchh lamhe sath bita liye, ab thoda jee le tumhare bina bhi
Log bahot kuchh kehte rahenge
Hazaro lakho sapne aakho se behte rahenge
Sapno ka kya hai, sapne hi to hain
Kabhi ham, to kabhi wo hamse roothte rahenge
Jo na keh sake, shayad wo jayaz nahi tha kehna bhi
Jo tum na samjhe, shayad na ho wo bhi sahi
Ham phir bhi tumhare liye nazre bichhaye rakhenge
Kya pata ho aise jeena mushkil tumhare liye bhi

When you see the same thing with both open n closed eyes
When you find it difficult to realize the reality
When vacuum which was never there comes to existence
When breathlessness becomes the state of being
When shadows n darkness become comforting friends
When emotions associate more with silent feelings
When eyes feel more solace in closure
When inner silence gives way to restless buzzing
Know that you are in an irreparable pain
Know that time has won again

Ek samay tha, jab hawae kitni achhi lagti thi
Jab pedo ki har ek tehni yu hi hawao me behti rehti thi
Jab behti hui hawao me pattiya kitni khil jati thi
Phool muskurate the, bhavre natya dikhate the
Aur hawa kitna ithlati thi

Har ek pal, uski yaad behti chali aati thi
Har doosre pal kuchh batane ki ichha jag jati thi
Mann soch soch ke thahake bharta tha
Kabhi shaitaniya, to kabhi meethi meethi bate karne ka dil karta tha
Aur meri sari soch hawa me ghul jati thi

Kitne sapne inhi hawao me gulatiya khaya karte the
Patango ki tarah umange bhi shikhar par pahuch jati thi
Do parinde kahi paas me sath baithe aksar dikhte the
Kitne muskurate chehre aksar milte the
Hawae bhi hamari zaheeni khushi bikherti thi

Hawae ab bhi hain, Ham ab bhi hain
Par ab hamara rukh hawa ki taraf nahi
Aur hawao ka ehsas ab hame pata nahi
Hamara astitva khud hi hawa ban chuka hai ab
Jo tha kabhi, ab hai jaise wo tha hi nahi

We are still beautiful
However we may be
Near or far
Together or separated
We can never transform our oneness
To nothingness
There was always love
N it would always be
Even if not welcomed by you or me
Whatever they say
Whatever they want us to do
N whatever we do
Wont matter
Its already done
Proved experienced n carved
We cant change what we cant change
We never created it
We were never the cause of its decease
N we can never be a part of its death
We can just play with its innocence
We can just hurt its purity
We cant terminate its existence
We are beautiful
Coz love is beautiful
N we would remain so
Even if our existence ceases

Life is not a dream
Its not a tailor made caravan of moments
Its not an ice cream garnished with extra chocolate sauce n cherry on top
You got to fight it every moment
When you don’t have your desires
You got to fight to achieve
When you have your desires
You got to fight to maintain
N when you lose your desires
You got to fight to survive
N all these time, you got to fight to know who you are
So that you can know what your desire is
Just fight fight fight fight ..
Nothing else is coming to my sight, describing life
N after all those fights even
What we get is loss
Loss of time, loss of energy
N in some cases loss of money too
But I don’t have strength to fight now
I gave in my best to fight for a thing which I love the most
N when I won, that thing didn’t like me
So where am I now
Again in a line of contenders to fight
N this time, to fight for a thing which I don’t even desire
At last I wana give up this fight now
What am I fighting for
N with whom am I fighting for
Fighting in itself means killing love
N my enemy with whom I fight, is also love
N the thing which I am fighting for is love
Which in turn I am actually not even getting at the end of the fight
So what am I doing except for wasting my time energy n money
The only three quantitative measures of humans
It seems, life is actually not made to be won
When it seems tailor made, it certainly gives failure
When it seems to be won by fight, the result is again a failure
N when it seems to be won by time, time again, gives failure
Whether it be time energy or money, it can never help us win life
So let me not try to achieve what cant be achieved in life
Let me be just a helpless merciful being

zinda hu abhi..

Kisi ranjish ko hawa do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Samay ke beetne se ghaav bhi bhar jaenge
Koi aur ghaav bana do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Aur bhi hausla baki hai abhi
Thoda aur dard pila do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Teri tasveer zehn me abhi bhi hai basi
Thodi aur aag laga do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Dooriya jitni bhi ayi sab mit gayi
Faasle aur badha do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Abhi bhi bahot baki hai khud pe yakeen
Meri pehchan mita do ki mai zinda hu abhi
Mujhko ehsas dila do ki mai zinda hu abhi

Aise bhi log hote hain
Itne bhole bhale, itne seedhe sadhe
Bewakoof
Ye bhi nahi samajh pate ki kaun sirf dikhawa kar raha hai
aur kaun sachcha
jo chaahe unko apni ungliyo pe nacha le
aur wo, sab jaante hue bhi bante rehte hain
chalte rehte hain apni hi parchaiyo ke peechhe
bante rehte hain kitne logo ka mazaak
aise bhi log hote hain
jinko koi pharak nahi padta
jo apni hi hasi pe khud hi haste hain
kitni bhi baar chot kha le
aise log jo har kisi ko apne se bhi zada kareeb samajh le
aur yakeen ho jane par bhi na mane
ki unka bharosa kisi ne tod diya
is kism ke logo ka koi bharosa nahi hota
aaj wo agar kisi ke dard me doobe hue hain
to kal wo phir usi ke ird gird chakkar kaatte nazar aenge
ek baar se mann kaha bharega
isliye ek hi galti saikdo baar dohraenge
samajhte hain unse bada gyaani aur daani mahatma koi nahi
par yehi log hote hain, jo apni hi baato pe tik nahi paate
apne hi vachano pe mit nahi paate
bas khokhle ghade ki tarah bajte rehte hain
thokar khate rehte hain, phir chalte rehte hain

kyu kuchh na kuchh roz mujhe usi daldal me dhakel deta hai
kyu ateet roz mere aaj ko jhinjhod deta hai, zaleel karta hai
chhod do mujhe mere haal pe, nahi chahiye mujhe tumhari santvana
thak gaya hu mai, jo bhi pal aata hai, kyu wahi mere astitva se khel leta hai

You have a contaminated smell today dear friend
People have disgraced your purity
By sucking each other’s mouth
By rubbing n holding those sweaty hands
By spitting n throwing the garbage just wherever they may find
They have transfused their stinks to your perfume
For them it was just a valentine’s day
Even those roses they exchanged couldn’t lighten the atmosphere
But then, their behavior was understandable
Obviously, after all they are humans
But what happened to you
Your eternally fresh attitude
Or is it that with time, you too have changed
You now love to play with skirts, rather than blowing into faces, is it?
Or maybe, you just take advantage of western clothing
Like everyone else on the marine drive does
May be that’s the only alternative you have to love Gods most beautiful creation
But then, you have changed dear friend
People still crave for your freshness
People crave for you to wipe away their stress, fear, anxiety n all worries
People love to feel your calmness on their face when they are happy
Dear friend, what we regard as beautiful, is just an imaginary attraction
When reality strikes, your own assets worth much more than those illusions
Your freshness, your calmness, is much more expensive
Drowse me in your real essence
Let me blow away in the wind

Kaise reh lete honge itne dino tak chup
Ye khamoshi khokhla nahi kar deti hogi zehn ko
Kitni sari baate andar hi andar khati hongi
Purane jane kitni yaado ko, zakhmo ko, quredti hongi
Kya ehsas nahi hota
Shayad dil bhi patthar ban jaata hoga
Zara si thokar se zamana ghoomta dikhne lagta hai
Na jane pal pal marna kaisa hota hoga
Zameeni zaheeni sachchaiyo ka saamna karna
Roz zindagi se kuchh der aur jeene ke liye ladna
Kaisa hota hoga wo har pal
Jisme aatma tak nangi dikhti hogi
Jisme bebasi aur lachari gher leti hogi
Kab tak saath deta hoga ye shareer aur mann bhi
Jawab de deti hogi dhadkan bhi
Khud ki awaz kisi bhi tarah sunayi na deti hogi
Kaisi hogi wo zindagi
Kaisi hogi wo bebasi

As time goes by,I miss not much those things
Which causes hurt n pain when to think.
The same stabilization must be there at the other end.
This thought gives me more faith to apprehend.
Though the hollowness n helplessness to lose against time,
Would not be convalesced so easily n so early.
After all recovering from a loss needs time,
N when the loss is time itself,
Recovering would further mean losing time.
In every way, still losing against time.

Im in love

Im in love with Gods wittiest creation, humans
Thinking’s that petrify their minds
Situations which vitrify the hearts
Some who change with time
Some remain unchanged, satisfied, with their losses
Drowning in ones own tears sometimes
Some unknown of own feelings
N a few having heart as sublime as a shrine
Im awed to feel like every individual
I want to be every single one
Rich/poor, healthy/sick, job/jobless, old/young, woman/man,
honest/dishonest ,true/fake, theist/atheist,sensible/mad, just any one
I want to be a free soul, which dwells in every single human
If I succeed, I know I will know, every aspect of Gods love
There are other ways too, but I just love the way of love
Let me just be in love
I cant stop being what I am
This is what I am

I lost vicinity of my best times, even after losing so much time, battling against time. I wish I could go back in time, n undo all the time that I have lost, fighting against time. But I cant stop losing time.

Hey, what about those similarities you had
Those special coincidences, or if u say, serendipity
Do you still believe that signs exist
Do you still believe they form a part of so called loves nitty-gritty
Is life really a dream
To be walked on a path of instincts n intuitions
Or is it just another matter of complexity
What would your next step be
Would you still follow the rules that you made
Or would you lose yourself to the situational gravity
Old memories cant be re-written
Neither can new incidents replace them with alacrity
Caught in an unending maze my friend
Now tell me, can you solve it with the same simplicity n modesty
Its tough to go back on words
And going with words, you’ve lost completely
Live with it, n live tough.

dim lit moon..

Did you see the moon today mann
Looking at us with his faint eyes
Dimly lit, as if tired, of moving for so long
Did you feel his helplessness
As if there’s so much to say
Yet no words, or no strength to voice his thoughts
Mann, did you still experience the calmness around its halo
The eternal peace that surrounds it
Even if the spirit is gloomy, the air still breathes fresh
Making you realize mann, your heaviness wouldn’t portray up till your breath
The celebrations have ceased
So have those olden times
Its been a long day
An everlasting memory
“Sleep in my warm n soothing lap”, the moon says
A new day waits to dawn
Let your mind be an empty sky
Make space for the first rays of tomorrow to illuminate with the colors of life
Let go the holes mann , don’t delve, don’t
Don’t look for the pain n hurt
“It doesn’t matter mann”, she said once
It actually doesn’t matter . .

HAppY AnNIVerSaRy Love

Love long lasted as we enjoyed
The best moments of our lives
On this day..
Long lasted the goodness
That spread along
As a feast to celebrate our oneness today
A wonderful tour to a dream land
Something unheard of, unseen, unimagined
Of which the beginning was made today

Today, sometime back in time
We celebrated our accepting becoming one
N today, in present, we accept the cause of a death
Of an eternal n immortal love
Eternal n immortal as it was, it would stay
Just, not in the same way
Happy Anniversary Love
Salute to all the times of togetherness

Plz don’t call me stupid

I know im not worth anything
I know, there have been times when I upheld nothing
I know nothing for me counts
In my life, money name fame, nothing sounds
Neither do I bear any exemplary values
Nor do I own any rich avenues
Im just a common man with the commonest dreams
N my life cannot always be perfect, it seems
I too love enjoying pleasures of life sometimes
I too yearn to flaunt my assets n dimes
But what I am not, I can never be
I will always be as naïve, as me
(In comparison there is none greater naïve than the me in me)
I fail to avail the chances which I get to prove myself
N it never matters for the rest of the times, they are just of no help
The things that I do differently, becomes no different at all
N I never manage to do anything that could enthrall
But I am not stupid
I just don’t know how to overcome this feeling of being flaccid
My emotions, which I considered to be my strength, are now demeaning me
My thoughts though still keep on supporting me strengthening me
I don’t know how, but I will fight it out
I won’t let my hands down, I’ll find a way to be heard, to be loud

a day gone by
lost again to the sky
tried my best
on minds behest
yet ended where i started
like everyday today also departed
sitting n planning again for tomorrow
lets hope, tomorrow would not be another sorrow
lets hope someday there would be a new today
a new sun would rise..n would stay
little by little time is slipping
gaining victory over my destiny
but as always, i am still waiting
for the end of this tyranny
either only i would survive
or ill realize, i never survived

phir awaz ayi thi uski
Wahi masoom si shehed si meethi
Abhi bhi wahi bachpana wahi chulbulapan tapakta hua
Jaise phir jane kitni shaitaniya panapne ja rahi ho
Jaise sham ke waqt me kisi ped pe baithi dher sari chidiya cheh-cheha rahi ho
Wo nakhre, wo adayein, wo jhoot moot ka gussa
Wo mamta bhara uska “dhobi ki ladki” ka kissa
Wo paer patak ke laad karane ka bahana
Wo har shaitani ke baad daato ke neeche zaban dabana
Aur bade hi pyar se muskana
Road ke bachcho ko mac donalds ka burger khilana
Roz mere ghar jaate waqt, mooh bana ke ek flying kiss hawa me udana
Bahot yaad aati hai
Wo mera ek khwab hi to hai
Ek khwab jo maine uske sath dekha tha
Ab wo iska hissa nahi to kya
Ab tak khwab me jiya hu, aage bhi khwab sanjounga
Wo na chahe, phir bhi yaadein to nahi mit sakti na
Mere liye meri yaadein aur mere khwab hi kaaphi hain
Aakhir wo bhi, ek khwab hi to hai..

Itna kuchh karke bhi to kuchh bhi nahi kiya maine
Bas kuchh adhkachri si zindagi jeeta ja raha hu
Jo chaaha, usko pa nahi paya
Jo paya, usko nibha nahi paya, usme doob nahi paya
Kuchh bhi to nahi hai is band mutthi me aaj
Na kisi ka dard, na gham, na hi kise ke kahe hue alphaaz
Bas kuchh bikhre hue pal pade hain ek thandi si zameen par
Inhi palo pe paav rakh kar badhta ja raha hu nirantar
Kisi ke peechhe nahi hu, par koi aage bhi kaha hai
Dhundh sa bankar chhaya hua hai mera muqaddar
Kaha hu mai, kaha jana hai mujhe
Kuchh samajh nahi aata, konsa afsana banana hai mujhe
Guzarne na do in palo ko ae zindagi
Afsos hoga, hai adhkachri zindagi

The senses have gone now
The warmth that I felt is no more
Its cold n senseless
No feelings
As if the person inside it is dead
No energy flowing out
She must be feeling calmer now
She must have adapted to this
Its Perfect numbness

Time is trying to heal the wound again
It’s not so raw n sore anymore
Though the blood still hasn’t coagulated
N every touch of the air inflames it again
The wound might heal soon still
But the scar has made an everlasting blemish
There’s no sound of agitation now
The body has adapted to the numbness
Its lighter to carry oneself now
Pushing all the way through to the doors of nowhere
My truth is changing to their truth
N my blood cells gaining a new identity
Scared of revealing, my face, switching masks hastily
Drought eyes conceiving infinity
The inner soul trudging in a drag
Life finding new expressions, new beginnings n new company

Sanskaro se badi daulat aur koi nahi
Shishtacharo aur sadvicharo se badi shohrat aur koi nahi
Doob jana sikko ki chakachaund me aasan hai magar
Aatm-samman se badhkar zarurat aur koi nahi.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Colors..a vague writing..

Blue sky
Dark, blackish night
Yellowish orange street lights
Red color of blood
Dirty brown mud
Beautiful green leaves
Greenish bluish water of seas
Different colored fruits
Orangish ,suns silhouette
Transparent water
Color of the relation between father n daughter
Pure deep love
White, the color of dove
The ugly color of a disliking frown
The color of a harmonious peace loving town
The warmth of the color of love in bed
The paleness of coloration of a dead
The tinge of brightness in happiness
The eternal color of God bless
The silvery attraction of the worldly things
The golden treasure of our elder’s blessings
The dark blue gloomy mood
The colorful food n the decoloring feud
The beautiful silver stars over black sky
The colors of the time which with friends we enjoy
The color of success
The color of loss
The color of truth
The color of deception n albatross
N many more innumerable colors in life
Some visible directly, some unknown to human eyes
I thank all the colors for being
Without them,our vision are handicapped from seeing.

Trust

You used to cut your hand (cubitus) when angry
You used to hurt yourself when dissatisfied
I thought id make you independent n free
I thought id change your tears to smiles every time you cried
I gave you all the space that I could
I gave you every right as a wife, which a husband should
This was the trust that I had in you
N I just wanted to make this fact be realized to you too
I never used you
Or in better words, never misused you
I never wanted our relationship to be a part of the worldliness
I cashed in on every moment for your minutest happiness
N see what I got
A torn relationship, n ruthless pain which I never besought
Yes I know, there must be something on my part too
But then, don’t I have a right to even know what you are going through
No I am not writing to prove that I miss you
N I am not at all in a mood in any way to get back to you
Have had enough of trust
Have had enough of “I”, “U” n “V”
I just wana live now
Let the history just remain a history
But yes, I have learned a lot
I have learned about relationships, about love, n about God
Theres a lot more to see
N im ready

Drama queen..

Knowing everything, yet being so much unknown
Till what extent can a life continue like this
When there’s no will to live any more
When all the teachings taught by age become’s useless, worthless
When the imaginary strength of money blinds the truth
What is the limit of going on living without liking anything at all
No change, no newness, no interest of being alive
All capabilities burnt long while back in ashes
Everything vague, everything worthless
Yet the wickedness surviving the evil mind
Power of falsity overpowering the power of eternity
Lost by the limbs, by the brain, by all the senses
Yet the pride of money drifting along the unreal self esteem
Beating, thrashing, raging at all times without the strength to face the response
Without ever realizing the actual real self, n real capabilities
Till when can we be the spectators of Gods play
Give us strength oh Lord! Save us from dismay.

AHEM

Itna bhi na badh jana mere ahem
Ki mai khud ko bhi na pehchan pau
Jin ke sahare ke bina na guzarti ho zindagi apni
Unhi ko ek din thokar pahuchau

Itna bhi na badh jana
Ki aakho par siwae andhere ke kuchh mehsoos na ho
Ki dard hota ho jab kisi jigar ke tukde ko
Tab bhi ye dil mayus na ho

Mujhe mat duba dena ahem ke samandar me
Mai nahi chahta paiso ki chamak me khona
Nahi chahiye mujhe makhmali kafan
Mujhe de dena meri banjar dharti ka ek asmani kona

Kis kaam ka hai wo ahem
Jo swabhiman ko ghamand ke age girvi rakh de
Jo aatm-samman ko duniya ki chaka-chaund se kuchal de
Jo jeevan ko bhi be-imani me badal de

Reh lene do mujhe gareeb agar ahem hai ameeri
Beh lene do mujhe,bhale kitni bhi ho sachchai gehri
Kabhi to mai bhi tar jaunga
Kabhi to is andhi daud se ubhar paunga

Mat quredo un zakhmo ko jo kabhi bhar nahi sakte
Mat mehsus hone do unka wajood, mat yaad karo adhoore vade
Jo kabhi tha hi nahi, uski shikayat hi kya ho
Mit jane do, ghul jane do, beh jane do, wo rishte jo panap nahi sakte

Changing mind..

can you give a blind, his vision
can you give a deaf, his sense to listen
can you make a lame walk on his feet
can you make a dumb able to speak
n what even if you try
even if you brighten up the light for a blinds eye
what would he see in this world of hatred n jealousy
would he love the expressions on every face - of fear, discomfort n insanity
would he like to read those dreadful articles on affects of humanity
he’d be better off being blind
at least he would have one less sense to see the plagues of mankind
n what would a deaf listen to if given a chance
those howling ministers n their forever treacherous stance
or those abuses n vilifications used by our own brothers
divided by some supremo who has replaced God with his ownself
at least a deaf is better than a pitiful common man
who listens n gradually adapts to being a part of the distrustful plan
everyone here gets what he actually deserves
those who are deaf dumb or blind
at least are better than half of the mankind
n above all of this
who are you to attain such powers to heal these crisis
who are you to even think of helping
when you cant even improve your own living
you always want to see a change
but you keep your own self out of the range
no one can make others perfect
if you really wana start, start by your own resurrect

a disturbing thought

how can one find love again
once been in a relationship
can any new relationship replace it
can any present moment erase the past imprints
what happens when you feel discomfort
for not being in the relationship you always starved for
for comparing every new relationship on the base of past betrayals
once committed, how can the bond just vaporise
its like, whom to believe -
- a person who admits one lies
-or a person who admits one doesnt lie
-when you actually want to get away with lies
is it so easy to forget n not to regret
is it so wise to play for such a bet

death of dreamz..

i have seen my dreams die
i have seen the moments fly
when all that could have been true
washes off to something i never wanted to
when every calm breath
burns catching fire
when every peaceful thought
turns to an irresistible ire
when each drop of tear
causes irreparable deep sear
i look down to those days
when everyone seemed to be in a good phase
when harmony n happiness echoed
when life was a blessed abode
let this silence sink in for a while
let me observe n accept this time, n its guile
with every moment gone by
i wail silently for my dreams, to see them die

ye kahani hai ek phool ki. ek phool jo jab khila tha, to sab uske diwane ho gaye the. jaise ki sara sansar khilkhila utha ho. uska chehra jo bhi dekh leta, wo parmatm prapt kar leta. aisi shanti, aisa chaitanya, jo har kisi ko behla de. andhere me,jab use koi dekh na paye, us waqt bhi wo apni khushboo se poora vatavaran pavitra banata rehta. kitne hi bhavre, kitni hi titliyo ko apne pyar ke rang me daal deta tha.
ek din ek maali aya, aur us phool ko todne laga. us phool ko bahot dard hua, khoob roya, par maali ne kaha, wo use ek aur achhi jagah laga dega, jaha wo phool apne aapko Bhagwanji ke charno me paega. phool ne haste haste sare dukh seh liye. use maali ne Bhagwan ki moorti ke samne laga diya. thode din beet gaye. Bhagwanji ne us phool ko apaar, aseemit pyar diya, aur pavitra bana diya. Par wo phool, galti se, us patthar ko hi Bhagwan samajhne laga. Bhagwan ne use bahot samjhaya, har tarah se use dikhane ki koshish ki, ki jis patthar ko wo Bhagwan samajh raha hai, wo sirf ke sansarik vastu hai, Bhagwan to sarvyapi, sarvagya hain. wo is "physical" boundation se bahot upar hain. par ye baat phool ko samajh me aane me der ho gayi. us phool ko Bhagwan ke charno se hata diya gaya. ab uski jagah ek chattaan pe nishchit ho gayi. phool ne phirse apni jade basa li. phir se wo hara bhara ho gaya. par dheere dheere phool ko chattan se sneh hone laga. wo ye samajhne laga ki chattaan hi Bhagwan hai. itna taqatwar hai chattaan, ki koi use hara nahi sakta, koi use mita nahi sakta. use kya pata tha, ki is chattan se pyar karne ki saza me wo ek din, isi ke neeche dab ke mar jaega. ek din jab toofan aya, chattaan ke neeche ki zameen hil gayi. aur chattaan palat gayi. phool uske neeche dab ke mar gaya. apni antim saans tak jisko usne apna Bhagwan samjha, usne khud hi us phool ko maar diya.

A discussion about love

What is love?
• The first n foremost thing that comes to mind is, love is a feeling of being without expectations. A true love means giving without expectations. At the same time, if a doctor loves his profession, it doesn’t mean that he should not charge his patients for the operation or consultation. If he loves his profession, his first intention should not be money. If he gets money in turn of his services, then its right. He deserves it. Same goes for every situation. First intention of love should not be expectations. It should be just giving love.
• Loving does not happen by flowing into emotions. If a person loves, due to the fact that emotions control him/her, then its not actually love.
• Love never demands. it is more of acceptance in totality rather than demanding or changing.
• If its really love, then each moment, one feels developed n improved. Theres a kind of motivation to do something in life. Theres an encouragement to move on the right path in life. In love, one feels eternally strong. Theres no deterioration of any form.
• Love brings along playfulness. In love we tend to work more, we tend to innovate more, we tend to be creative
• if a situation comes, in which we need a change in someone, or in circumstances, we should not try to change it personally. We should pray to God for that change. In this process,meditation n courses like REIKI or pranik healing play an important role.
• It should be noted that our behavior, is in turn result of our prarabdh. We get those kind of situations, those kind of circumstances, which could lead to some event, which is a result of our prarabdh.
• Theres only one thing which can make everything right. This is the bhakti sutra.
• Anything which attracts at first is a form of depreciation. So to say, love if caused by attraction, then it wont last long. Anything which is formed by attraction never lasts long. For eg- this world. Every worldly thing attracts. But never lasts.
• when we think of different forms of love, we should understand that all these forms of love when combined together, when taken as a whole, would then be equivalent to how much the Almighty loves us.

Now apart from all these points we should understand that if we give our love undoubtedly, unboundedly, without expectations, to all of our relationships, in every way (meaning to say, to our parents, to our relatives, to our friends, to our special someone etc etc) then all the people involved would dissolve, n in the end, we would be able to understand, that in all these different forms, there was only one who was giving love to us, which is Almighty God. Its like, if we put together droplets of water, steam, ice n normal water, then we would see, that in the end, everything dissolves, only water remains, which in turn evaporates into air.Same ways all our relationships in the end dissolve into one Almighty.To understand this only, in olden ages people use to send their wards to gurukul, where all this kind of teachings were taught n a child was made ready to face the world, after understanding the basic concepts. Keeping all that apart, n talking in practical terms, one can easily understand that any relationship which breaks the natural flow of thoughts, which breaks the concentration from our lives to other things, actually depreciates our capabilities. N hence actually deteriorates our identities. This ways we are not only hurting ourselves, but also the Almighty who created us for some reason.
Maya is considered to be maha thagni. The reason is, as we know, there are three kind of character traits – rajogun, tamogun n satogun. While in rajogun, one is attracted towards maya due to “ichha” or “alasya” or expectations. While in tamogun, one is attracted due to bad habbits n addictions. N while in satogun, one is attracted due to the feeling of over confidence, or pride, or ahem. So however a person be, maya is always eligible to encapsulate one in its attractions.
“Seedhi baat hamesha seedhi baat hoti hai”. Theres no if n but in it. Theres no complexity in it. For eg- if your stomach is upset, it wont digest anything. Its clear n loud. Theres no if n but. This is how the creation of God is. Clear n transparent. Theres no complexity. It is how it is. N love is the same thing. Clear. Transparent. That is what its pure form is. Nothing hidden. Wherever anything hidden comes in, that means its not anymore pure.
This attraction towards depreciating things is ahenkar. Pride. When this feeling comes in love looses its purity. Also here one thing should be noted, that any pure n true relationship, is always true. There never comes any point of doubt, or complex situations. N if any relationship isn’t this way, then its never true. Its said, whats right is always right. Whats not, never was. This can only come when our belief in the Almighty is head strong. Any kind of psycho weakness, or depression is the result of lack of concentration, lack of understanding, n lack of satsang towards God. Satsang doesn’t only means reading some holy book. Satsang means walking on the path of truth, doing positive n good things, by which many are benefitted. Satsang means being in a company of good n true hearted people.
We always blame God for whatever is happening with us. We say God doesn’t do things for us. We just have to understand, that God has done everything for us. Its now our turn to do things for us. He has given us everything that we need for our self betterment. The thing is we just have to realize n work for our own betterment. But we still wait for God to do something for us.
Coming back to love, the only thing we should understand is, truth would always be truth, even if we don’t want it to be. A true relationship would always remain a true relationship, even if we don’t want it to be. True love never ends. If it ends, it never was true.

My trip to Bombay

I know that this article doesn’t relate to anyone. N I don’t even care what anyone has to say about it. I just wana write.
To be a bit extra adventurous, this time I planned my trip to the airport by public conveyance. This would mean going to Dhaula Kuan by bus, n then finding our conveyance from there to the airport. The best thing was, there were many things unknown. Like, for example, I had never seen Dhaula Kuan, n I didn’t know where to get down. Then, I didn’t have my printed itenary. I had to print it from the airport itself. Then, I didn’t have the card by which I booked my ticket. The rules n regulations said, I need to show it at the time of check in. Keeping all the unknown possibilities, we (my laptop bag, my hand bag n me) started on our journey.
I was finding it very interesting in the mean time to work on the documentary in Samyak. I had many future engagements coming up, many interesting new assignments already lined up for me. But then, God had plans for me to come to Mumbai.
My bus journey was very normalish. Nothing too new. Luckily I got down at Dhaula Kuan where my search for an auto started. After much bargaining I found one for 60 bucks till the airport. As we started, the driver started talking about why he should take 60, n not 40. Gradually while talking I came to know more about him. He was an 86 year old man, driving an auto since 1966. It made me feel, hes been driving auto even since I wasn’t born. What a long journey. I was really impressed by his smile. We were discussing the Indian system, n that there’s no positivity anywhere in the system, n yet he was looking so happy, so joyous. His teeth (original ones) showed no signs of tobacco or pan masala. N they seemed hard ones, though had gaps now. Whenever he used to smile, his tongue used to come out. When I got down, I just had a feeling to touch his feet, coz he was just like my own dadaji.
Then started my journey to Mumbai.
As soon as I entered the flight, there was such a beautiful hostess saying hello, I really lost my heart. I wished I was a bit more elder, n settled professionally..coz otherwise, I was just eligible to be her young friend. hehe..
Just after the flight got stable in the air, one of our co passengers, sitting in just the adjacent row fainted. As expected, the same hostess attended to him. She did her job well, as did the other crew members. After all they are all trained. But, lucky me, that I even got to see her emotional n caring side of character. She was also one of the “beautiful minds”. “Beautiful Mind” is the term I give to some people, who have extra ordinarily positive vibes. N not many have got that term by me. People like my Mom, my Mausi, Sanchita, Eshan, Shwahzeh, Nikki…n a few more may be, have got this compliment from me. I am very KANJOOS in spending this treasure of mine. Hehe.
Anyways, after thinking a lot, I thought I should at least give her some token of appreciation. I didn’t have a paper n pen. So I tore out the vomit bag, made a card of it, on top of which was made a smiley, n written thanks, n inside was a short n sweet poem. I don’t know whether she too appreciated it or not. When I was de-boarding, I walked out last, so that I could give her that token. But then, that stewart came in between. So pointing towards that hostess I handed that card to him, n said –“thanks, that’s for u”. They too replied as “thanks”. N I moved down.
On that card I wrote –
“I am not a flirt, not a forward kinda guy, n I am not witty
I justttttttttt want to appreciate, you are really pretty.
Aint I naughty?
Hehe.
ALL THE BEST.
Regards,
Seat 19 A
Del – Bom
Jet lite
22/01/09.”

If only

if I die, what would I miss
I wud miss my Mom
She has me as the reason to live
She has her dreams in me
N not just like any other parent
She believes in me more than that
She harvest in me, the courage to live
She made me realize what life is
I see her as an epitome of love
As an ocean of true n eternal feelings
I wud miss my Dad
Who stood by me when I faltered
Who never said it in words, but loves me the most
Who saw his dreams in me
Who saw my childhood as his own lost childhood
Who sacrifices every little thing, so that I can enjoy life more
Who always wants to be my best friend, yet never finds courage to talk
In whom I see my greatest supporter
I wud miss my Baba Dadi
Who always consider me their own son
Who want me to get to the top position in life
Who includes me in prayers, even when I don’t respond
I wud miss my mausi n mausaji
Who taught me innumerable values in life
Who gave me rights of their own son
Who are spreading the message of oneness
Who have actually shown me the path to God
I wud miss my love, Sanchita
I wud miss the time that I spent with her
I wud miss the weirdest of things which we did
All the adventure, all the innovations we had
I wud miss the moments, when I was closest to my own self
She baught out the best in me
She made me become a man
I wud miss my life
Where I did so many mistakes knowingly
Where I faltered, but enjoyed faltering
Where my eyes cud see the world thru human eyes
I wud miss being a human..

yet again one is a nobody
living just to live
eating just to survive
moving on to a no mans custody

breathing heavily
tired of walking
there is a road leading to somewhere
not anywhere that one knows

the newness of things
the unfamiliar yet known atmosphere
the kind sympathetic unwanted response
n the irritating sweetness

theres a lot to learn
on this way one has to tread
being silent n calm
even when the waters roar to submerge everything existing..

Maze maze me

Jab chale ham apni raah chunne
Tab pata nahi tha aisa bhi hoga
Badalte badalte zindagi ko
Badal gaye ham khud
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Socha tha ye karenge
Chaaha tha wo karenge
Par karne chale jab aakhri faisla
Faisle ne hame hi badal diya
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Aaj jab ham pahuche is maqam par
Nazar padi khwabo ki dukan par
Jab apna hi khwab bikta hua dikha
Kashm-kash manate reh gaye
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Haste hue,muskurate hue
Kadam pe kadam badhate hue
yu hi leh-lahate hue
Roz ek nayi zindagi jeete hain
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Jab wo aye
To kehna use
Ab hamne jeena seekh liya hai
Jeet lenge ham haar ko bhi
Bas yu hi maze maze me

Dekh le ab zamana bhi
Aata hai hame afsana banana bhi
Do patthar ki moorti toot gayi to kya
Ham mitti se paida kar denge nageena
Bas yu hi maze maze me

something is tied on my eyes
my vision has dissolved in darkness
n my inner grumbles have deafened me
impairing me to get any cues around
my palms are madly grasping on the air
as if trying to cage it inside the fingers
trying to feel that warmth which they felt before
craving for that feeling of sweat when they rubbed
against hers
but that light is no more there
that feeling has turned cold
calmness turned to bitterness
n the path to eternity not anymore smooth
there are ditches now
n some spikes laid too
my bare feet fears to walk
my naked rough dried skin trembling of cold
n yet there are ages left
i have to go on
to fulfill the promise i made
when i started this journey in "a womb"

13th january 2005

My exams were still on. N i couldnt forget her innocense n chirpiness that i felt in her on the new year, which i spent with her in rishikesh, when we first met. I missed her, n wanted to get in touch with her. I saw her a few days back at home. She came for some accupressure. I knew that she wasnt well. N wasnt sure whether she would come on the Lohri celebrations or not. But just when i stepped down, i saw her, n nearly drowsed in her looks. She looked so beautiful in that pink suit n punjabi jooti. I always used to like people in salwar suits. Theres a different kind of attachment i have with salwar suits, as my mom always wore the same. I know its funny, but then, thats what i am no.
We had a great time at the party. I was in full mood. Pulling leg, some bad PJs, lots n lots of dance etc etc. It was one of the best days of celebrations ive ever had.
I had written a mail to her, just portraying my feelings to her, of becoming good friends. But havent got any reply lately. So i asked while leaving, "did u check ur mail?" . My heart beat actually skipped, to be so bold n blunt first time, eagerly waiting for her reply. I still remember how she took care of the situation, n asked me, "is there anything u wana discuss?". I just shied away. N she as usual said, " its ok, whenever u feel like, i am there to share". I guess this was the thing which made me even more eager to talk to her, to get close to her, to know her more better.
I knew somehow that she would go online for sure to check my mail. Just after returning home, i sat to surf. N yes, as expected, she was there. Finally, we met online, first time. The chat started normally. A bit of leg pulling, some talks about choices n life, n some discussions about spiritual beliefs. We somehow knew, that we are different. In the mean time, Eshan, continously sat beside me, watching keenly, n waiting for something to happen. Gradually time ticked on. Around 3.30, i finally gathered up courage, to let her know that i had some special feelings for her. But just when i started, she took over the lead, n went on with something more pure than what even i was thinking. She names our relationship as AGAPE. I still remember that moment. It actually felt like im flying in heaven. I felt so cold, yet so warm. It was just an extra ordinary feeling. I knew, i love her.
I told her the song which was going on in my mind. "Socha nahi, achha bura, dekha suna, kuchh bhi nahi, Maanga khuda se raat din, tere siwa, kuchh bhi nahi..". What a beautiful moment it was.
Then we decided, that we would develop our relationship. We decided to tell our parents, the first thing. So, before mausi could wake up in the morning, i was standing beside her bed. It was obvious not to sleep the whole night, waiting for the first rays of the sun, to finally make it official. I still remember how madly i trembled due to fear, as well as cold, when i was about to tell mausi, what i have done. As expected, mausi was elated to hear the news. The first thing that she told was, develop this relationship now that u have time. Make this bond stronger.
What a night it was. I still remember n cherish.
Though the circumstances are now not the same. Still there are some burnt images, which still remains. I still hum the song "socha nahi, achha bura..."..
still that feeling, of cold n fear, resides in me. Still, every line that i wrote, every feeling that i experienced is there intact inside me. Still, AGAPE remains untampered.
N still, God is watching us, n guiding us, through the right ways of life.

Life..

I have lived my life. Even if it was a dream, ive loved. Ive given my best to my love. I have loved to the most. Even if I failed, I have fulfilled my dream. It was the best part of my life, even if people say that I was crazy. I feel I am crazy now, not then. Being in love, is a different feeling. A feeling when I can share everything with someone. When every moment, I can feel that presence of someone who is actually backing me, supporting me, n driving me. I have felt that unboundedness. That freedom. I have felt that “passion”, that “intense purity” which is unimaginable. I have lived my real life in my love. N no matter what, im happy now. I have loved.

so what do i do now
my eyes dont seem to get back to normal
the wetness lingers on
my hurt dont seem to heal
the heart still beats though
what do i do
to overcome these pinching memories
these unstoppable thoughts
which overcrowds my mind
i see u in people
i feel u in places
i hear u in songs
n yet, i cant tell you what i feel
i cant make all those wrongs to right again
what do i do
what do i do of those millions of words unsaid
of those unattended observations
of those un-sensed feelings
that i could never portray to you
what do i do of this restless pain
which keeps on resurfacing again n again
having one last wish
to tell you what i am
in the end..
nothing matters..nobody cares
life just moves on..

importance..

In my life right now, there are things i am sad about. There are things, which are incomplete n making me restless. I am yearning for certain expectations which are unfulfilled. N this is what causes the importance of certain things in life. As we would move on, we would realize, that those things which hold importance to me now, wouldnt hold importance to me later. Those things for which i am getting so stressed, so low, so restless, are actually not going to be there in a matter of moments. Then why do we give importance to these things. Then why do we create so much hype n ballyhoo. If we think of this, before we get affected by a problem, or caught in web of vicious expectations, we can actually live our lives to a much higher level of satisfaction n joyfulness.
So now to conclude, an insight that i got is :
Lets not give importance to certain things. Lets just live life as it comes, n when it comes. Lets just take everything slowly, gradually n mindfully. Lets absorb, think, n reflect on our own feelings.
This way we would not only live our lives in a better way, but also, in turn, would affect our surroundings..

khalil gibran writes : Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

sometimes i dont wana be
n the other times, people dont let me be
sometimes i just give up
n the other times i have to give up
sometimes i just think
n the other times, i dont have a choice other than to think
But there were times, that i lived for myself
Times when i came to know who i am
When i too had a free will
When times just walked n i ran
Time is our God
It can make us do anything, or nothing
N we r faithful dogs
Who depend on it for everything without ever barking or biting
I have watched time tick on doing nothing
I have been helpless to its perturbing
N here it continues..

There are millions of sides to everyone of us. Everyone is somewhere or the other trying to relate, what we actually are. But we are not what we are, And what we are, we dont really know. What we believe is, is not actually there. N we continue to follow this vicious cycle.

chinky

She came to our house sometime in 1996. The upper story of our house was newly constructed. I remember what a struggle it was to bring all family members to a consensus to keep her. We had had dogs before too, but everyone was scared of emotional attachment again. But her innocence n cuteness, bought her in. She used to be a darling. Anyone entering our house, couldnt keep eyes off her. She was a beautiful young baby. She used to get so happy, so so happy when we returned back home, that she jumped from one sofa to another, as if dunno what has happened. She bought a smile to everyone's face on returning home. Some times she even used to fall with a thud, while doing this. Once when she was jumping, she took a wrong angle, n broke her elbow. I still remember how she screamed of pain. When we held her, she was shouting for help, n to not to touch her elbow at all. We took her to hospital, n the doc plastered her hand with a piece of scale. I remember how madly she was pampered after that. She was so much spoilt that She actually forgot to sleep on her own bed. Every day, she used to jump in, in my blanket, or chachas razai, n sleep hugging us. It was so much fun to be woken up by someone actually licking ur face in the morning. Hehe. Every week she had to be plastered, so we instead of going to the doctor, started doing it ourselves. I still remember once, the scale that we used to plaster, slashed her elbow n penetrated in. It was a painful moment. This time there was a permanent hard plaster. Time moved on, she got well, started running normally n jumping normally. But she was so used to pampering, that this habbit of hers lasted for ever. Unlike others, she never used to shout at visitors n guest. Instead, she used to wag n move so joyously that everyone developed a sense of love for her, n used to pat her, or show affection to her. N she enjoyed it to the most. She never missed an opportunity, to be loved n soothed. I still remember, whenever i used to sit idle, doing nothing, but thinking, she used to come n sit infront of me n stare, until i started rubbing in between her eyes. N she used to close her eyes n feel that intense moment to its most. Sometime later she started giving birth to babies. I remember there used to be a line of friends who used to want a puppy. It was so lovely to play with those puppies. N it was so painful to part with the. Hehe. Our generations kept on increasing. Cuty came. She was indeed so cute that we couldnt part with her. Then came Tuffy. He actually was kept for someone very close to us, but then no one came to take him, so he stayed with us. N this way, we had generations of chinky at our home. As she grew up with years, she started becoming lean n thin, n less hairy as she was before. But her habit of getting pampered, mind you, still continued. She was there in all the main functions of our family. She was the senior most member of our special family. Her love for Mili n MIshti was undoubted. In her own ways, she used to tell, that she loved everyone a lot. I still remember, till just a few days back, she used to come in my room, n hide in my razai chupke se. N i used to cover her properly.
Yesterday was the last day of her life. She was not well since past few days. It was due to cold i guess. N instead of sitting in her cozy bed, she used to sleep on the terrace. We still used to cover her with the old carpets, n some of Mishtis old clothes. But i guess she knew, that she wont stay long. She had stopped eating. Her eyes were going into depression visibly. We even bought her food that she would have loved, but she didnt eat. Yesterday,since morning, she was down, in the living room. I felt may be she was getting better. But now i realize, may be she just wanted to be with everyone in her last few hours. It was in the eve, when i thought, let me pamper her a bit. When i started rubbing her face, she tried moved herself backwards, but her hands n feets were jammed. I took her in my arms, n called everyone close. Papa came, n we started dropping warm milk inside her mouth with the help of a cotton. Her face was lying in my palm. N i was continuously rubbing her back, to give her warmth. She was silent n still. N then she suddenly started wagging her tail. It seemed as if shes trying hard to wag. Then she started making sounds, as if crying, calling someone. She started moving, as if she doesnt want to die. N then she was just still. Lying in my palm. Eyes stationary. Some drops of milk coming our through her nose. She was dead.
I never saw papa getting weak, or crying. Yesterday, we all cried. She was an important member of our family. Sensible, Beautiful, Trustworthy n too loving.
I miss you Chinky. Wherever you are, I just pray, that you get a beautiful life.
Love from every one.

the concept "love"

Its such an irony, that every human being, bole to every boy n girl at some time or the other, in life, finds a soulmate, who he/she considers to be the best human alive. a boy considers the girl he found to be an angel, right from heaven, or Gods own daughter, n the girl considers the boy she found, as God Himself. Huh. N as the distances decrease, as the girl n boy get to know each other, the relationship ends up just to be humane. hehe. Dog biting, bitching, cursing, pointing out flaws, expectations n what not.
N the best part, that everyone experiences this atleast once in a lifetime. Shuru shuru me even families are kept away, as if two different parts of same souls have united. Then these same souls, gradually drift so much apart that leave along choices, even understanding doesnt match. What a relationship love is.
But yes, i must admit, some do get their love of lives. But between them theres nothing such as expectations or flaws or choices or anything. When this kind of lovers meet, they dont meet to love each other, they meet to love people around them. They meet for a purpose in life, which is far beyond what normal humans can understand.
But those who fail in love, try again. N they keep on trying, till eventually they understand, n they rise up, to a different level of understanding of love. Where nothing actually matters. Where just two lives live together, to make peace and harmony around them. Nothing else. No physical intention, no mental support. Just sole reason of being together, n sharing the harmony.
I wonder when i would come out with this kind of thinking. True love, Ideal relationship, Husband n wife before marriage...etc etc..When is it going to end for me? When would i realize the real love. "The love of God".

once again my friend, night, has come. lonely n destitute. killing silence with the unspoken words. just a bit of dim moon light.some sounds of moving vehicles nearby. n echoing solitude.
once again, those who assured of strength have left. once again, there r insights which have n number of questions and 0 answers. once again i am unable to decide between wrong n right. once again im just counting on my heart to tell me where to go, rather than my brains. n once again im paving way to get into that black hole.

a nice song

Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Ye na socha tha kabhi itna yaad aaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin

Main to na chala tha do kad bhi tum bin
Phir bhi mera bachpan yehi samjhe har din
Chhod ke mujhe bhala ab kahan jaoge tum
Chhod ke mujhe bhala ab kahan jaoge tum
Ye na socha tha kabhi itna yaad aaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin

Baaton kabhi haathon se bhi maara hai tumhein
Sada yehi kehki hi pukaara hai tumhein
Kya kar loge mera jo bigad jaoge tum
Kya kar loge mera jo bigad jaoge tum
Ye na socha tha kabhi itna yaad aaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin

Dekho mere aansoo yehi karte hain pukaar
Aao chale aao mere bhai mere yaar
Poochne aansoo mere kya nahin aaoge tum
Poochne aansoo mere kya nahin aaoge tum
Ye na socha tha kabhi itna yaad aaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin jab chale jaoge tum
Rooth ke humse kahin

New Year

Time again has gone by. Again a new set of time has arrived. We the spectators, can just sit n watch as time plays with our lives. It would make us happy, it would make us sad. N we fools, would continue getting trapped. In the end, some might feel successful, n some might feel lost. Never realizing that its only the time, which has won or lost. We are just a part of the trick.
Happy New Year.

shwahzeh..

I know a girl who is just a common girl. A girl who doesn’t have any sky touching dreams, any un achievable fantasies, who doesn’t wana do anything extraordinary.

She is in fact a girl who is more ordinary than even ordinary. She just knows how to give love, unboundedly, unconditionally to everyone around. Never asking for return. A heart so pure, is really rarely found. N you know, she believes in God. Yes. She does. Unlike everyone around me, she has undoubted faith in God. N whenever she needs someone to talk to, or something to ask, she knows that only God understands her completely. God is Himself is her savior, her Guardian Angel.

She is a person brimming with values n morals. A person who, even in this 21st century, is still upholding the Indian culture, in which we regard our parents as God.

She has turned all her sorrows, to her strength and all emotions to building blocks of her foundation. Though she has a lot of life yet to live, yet, she has seen more of life than many of us. She is the perfect conglomeration of truth, love, hope, confidence, practicality, creativity, unity, optimism and , spirituality.

Wanting something, deserving something n getting something is easy, but…wanting something, deserving something, getting something n sacrificing that thing for someone is difficult. She is an epitome of kindness n love. Yet she is just a common girl. A girl, who can remind us of God.

She is a person who believes, she has everything, n yet owes nothing. Everything has been created by God, for God. She just plays the role of reaching out Gods love to those who needs it.

A person so ground to earth, yet so caring, so loving, always giving without any expectations, a person for whom feelings are more important than success or name fame or money, is rare to find. A person, who can mould the worst phase of life, to one of the best phases of life, is rare to find.

She has proved, that nothing is bigger than love. Nothing is higher than love. Nothing is superior to love. Love is success, Love is happiness, Love is eternity. N yet, she is a common girl.

it was when i just started flowing
exuberant energies,heart pounding
going through every minute corner of the way
roaring n splashing n experiencing breathtaking sway
tumbling over so many unidentified pebbles
passing through n through, through those binding shackles
n one day reaching the end of the earth
realizing life isnt always a mirth
falling down all the way from a hilltop sky
banging head on on the sea bed with squalling cry
yet moving on, though this time very lowly n slow
energies all submerged, still holding on n willing to go
passing through each step softly n firmly
making ground before stepping, gradually
but this time finding more insights n purity beneath
holding on n standing concrete
making twists n turns wherever needed
planning carefully, giving ample time to concede it
flowing on more confidently n strongly than before
yet faltered again, this time reaching the barren shore
theres no way ahead, may be i chose the wrong path
though im dying out of thirst, but i wont lose my heart
will try again, to find me
if struggle is in my destiny, then may it be
i wont stop, i wont give in
i wont get dry so early, i would still be moving
ill flow till the time i become a sea
till the time i would never have to flow again
when existence would just be a form of me
there would be no rocks against me
no hilltop pushing me down to fall painfully
when drowning in me would make everything eternal
when all would be one, no distinction,no boundaries
ill make it happen someday i know
ill make everything dissolve n flow
that would be a perfect world blended into one
the change has already begun..

an article by GANOBA

The two words Prey and Pray have come to mean the same thing in modern
parlance.
What an irony?
Pain and suffering are part of life. When we refuse to acknowledge
this truth, the vicious cycle of misery begins.
To complicate matters, we begin hold others responsible for our
suffering. Taking revenge to settle the score is the beginning of the
slide to hell.
Misery leads one to miserliness. We then begin to feel, that what we
have, is not enough. The strategy to deal with insufficiency is "beg,
borrow or steal". Pray or Prey. If we succeed in this strategy then it
gets reinforced. If we fail then we fall back on blaming others for
the failure.
Thus the vicious cycle is set into motion.
How do we get out of it?
The virtue of "santosh" is the liberator. Santosh means cultivating
the feeling that what ever we have is more than enough. Why more than
enough? Because, at all times we have enough for our needs and more to
spare for others.
Santosh is one of the 10 Yam-Niyam. It is not a passive defeatist
stance. It involves making full use of what we have for the larger
good. Mother Teresa tells of a heart warming story. She had taken food
to a hungry family. The lady thanked her and then took half the food
to her neighbor. When Mother asked her what she had done with half the
food, she said, "I cannot eat all of it when I know my neighbor is
also hungry." This is Santosh.
Ganoba

I LOVE YOU
I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT U, OR HARM U
EVERYTHING HAS BEEN DONE FOR YOUR GOOD
I AM THE MOTHER OF ALL YOUR EMOTIONS
ITS DUE TO ME THAT YOU SEE WHAT YOU SEE
I AM, THEREFORE YOU ARE
YOU WOULD FIND ME EVERYWHERE
YET YOU WONT BE ABLE TO FEEL ME THROUGH THESE HUMAN SENSES
I HAVE NOT EVEN GIVEN YOU THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHO I AM
JUST ENJOY LIVING AND LIVE ENJOYINGLY
I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU FOREVER
YOUR ONLY LOVE
GOD

no one knows what they r running for
just running
blinded by some petty issue
not seeking anything permanent
finding reasons to excuse ourselves from solutions
looking for more complexities
no family
no love
just something which no one has seen
which no one has ever got
killing looting hurting betraying
has human become so fond of blood
i pity myself
for being a company to such souls
i find difficulty to find myself in this filth
suffocated..
caged..
buried..

a million things
millions of thoughts
zero action
zero effort
a few things
very very few thoughts
100% action
100% efforts
this is the life i wana live.

dont wana reason out now
i know already wat i did was for good
dont wana ask anything
no complains
no grudges
no expectations
n no explanations
just remain happy
yes i did wanted it to make ideal
but now i want to make it eternal
i will, coz i know ur still there, with me
doesnt matter if i cant see u or hear u
i can feel u
i can drowse in ur presence
this alone wud take me to a higher level of knowing myself
thank you..for giving me this way..

main bhool jau tumhen
ab yahi munasib hai
main bhool jau tumhen
ab yahi munasib hai
magar bhulana bhi chahu to kis tarah bhoolu
ki tum to phir bhi haqeeqat ho koi khwab nahin
yaha to dil ka ye alam hai kya kaho
bhula saka na ye vo silsila
jo tha bhi nahi
wo ek khayal jo awaz tak gaya hi nahi
wo ek baat jo main keh nahi saka tumse
wo ek rabt jo ham mein kabhi raha hi nahi
mujhe hai yaad wo sab jo kabhi hua hi nahi
agar ye haal hai dil ka to koi samjhaye
tumhe bhulana bhi chahu to kis tarah bhoolu
ki tum to phir bhi haqeeqat ho koi khwaab nahin

its too dark to walk in here
but dont worry, ill keep walking
no matter if you cant pull me out of this right now
i know that you are in dark too
ill keep walking till the time you find light
there are some pot holes, some ditches
but it wouldnt spoil my purity
it can harm my physical image though
but thats not all no?
i know, in our relationship, this image doesnt matter
i know that people around u,want u to look at the image only
but in the long run, we would win
ill wait..ill wait chia, for you to realize
i know u will..bcoz i know u more than u

I am following you God
I cant see you
I cant hear you anymore
People doubt even your presence
But im depending on you for my life
It wont matter if you take it nowhere
It wont matter if i get nothing
What have i got anyways from anybody
I feel that you exist
Because silence n emptiness is all we get, whatever we do
N silence, cant be seen, cant be heard
Neither can emptiness
N so are you
I want to follow you
I want to merge with this silence
So as when people speak, i can unhear them
so that my self, get this power of speaking silently
N I want to become a part of this emptiness
So that even if my heart fills with grief
It can remain empty
So that when any emotion takes over
I can still remain numb
I want to be a part of you
So that I can experience life, beyond life.

do you know what you have done
do you realize the outcome
if not yet
the stage is now set
come n have a look
come n see your own handwritten book
every page would reveal its story
every letter would cry for the lost glory
try to analyze those hidden blood stains
dropped by my weeping eyes, in pain
come n see
those torn pages crumbled, of history
a history which you shared with me
trying to explore the love of eternity
for once come at least
to see the death of your deceit
i gave everything that i had to you
never missed out to do something special for you
but it was so easy for you to just leave
just so easy to murder our relationship, our daughter, whom you never conceived
you never wrote the best of you on on the pages of my life
you would never know my anguish, my internal strife
i still miss you n would always
the hurt you caused would remain with me throughout nigh n days
you might have never understood what you meant to me
n i have no right to even explain what i wanted you to be
God has guided me till now
n He would take me out of this, somehow
i wish you never go through what i have undergone
i wish you never feel heartbroken n torn
thats what i mean when i say i love you
God bless you..

just when i found myself free
you bounded me in chains mysteriously
when i tried to run out
you carved me on the wall to shout
what is it that you want from me
why arent you letting me be
give me silence or ill snatch it
i wont think of any consequence
ill ruin it, damn it
let me be out of the pretence
let me know who i am
let me feel my pain myself
let me stand up without help
dont do me a favor anymore
let me plunge into cynicism
have had enough of "pure"
scare me nomore
with your notions of perfection n idealism
let me face the naked truth
let me enjoy the poisoned fruit

started a new life
set for a new tomorrow
eyes still facing the past
heart still beholding sorrow
walking in madness
throwing hands out of control
pushing away from reality
getting blind to any newer role
just getting along deliberately
being cruel desperately
overwhelmed by pain
feeling naked in the winter rain
breathless
emotionless
hurt
unearthed
yet....moving on in silence
finding self in remembrance

Blinded

My life is moving on
Im not able to cope up
Seems ive lost everything
I don’t know how to keep my hopes up
I‘m realizing the world around me
Totality is what I am trying to see
But minor affairs are devouring my energy
Gradually I am losing my serenity
With every moment passing by
I am more willing to die
I have been blinded in love
My thoughts force me to unnerve
I am unable to see my good
I find it difficult to accept
I have never been the way I should
People used me, deceived me, scammed me,
Plagued my mind, Molested my purity
and now I am left to my destiny
I am blinded
I don’t want to unfold the mystery
I don’t want to make more people a part of the misery
Why can’t I just be
I don’t want to answer anyone
I don’t have any complains
Let me burn in the sun
How can I expect from those who don’t even know me
When my own pushed me to waters in the rising sea
When even my own soul deserted me
And left me lonely
To face the death of this relationship painfully
I see my child dead in this war
My efforts effacing, carving an end to what I always strived for
All the hidden faces have come out of their makeover
Everything is over, my heart cries, everything is now over.

Cruelty or helplessness
I cared for you like my daughter
I cherished you like an angel
You disowned me in laughter
Was it so easy to handle
I still never want to let you down
But why do you treat me like a clown
You have made a mockery of me
You have made our eternal relation a history
What did I not give you
When did I disrespect you
I have been convicted of devaluing my God
I have been convicted of misusing the rights which I sought
I wish I could tell the world without telling
What the relationship was in which we were dwelling
Coz if I tell, I would cause shame to you
I always wished never to let feel the same to you
You are binding me to do what I don’t want to
God, give me the courage, to uphold the dream I pursue
I know now nothing can make things right
I know now, darkness would never give way to eternal light
This night would never end
It might have a new tomorrow
But yesterday won’t be able to ascend
I wish I I could send a hint of my pain across
So that you can realize its not me, its you going through a bigger loss
You are fighting the truth, the serenity
You are yet unaware of the divinity
And when it would dawn over you
It would be too late to begin new
What have you done my beloved?
Why did you be so cruel to our love?

Is baar nahi

Us baar nahi

Phir bhi sharmsaar nahi

Kitne vaado ka sarokar nahi

Kitni kasme sakaar nahi

Soch me raftaar nahi

Shaheedo se vyavhaar nahi

Desh ke prati pyar nahi

Phir bhi bhrashto ki haar nahi

Kya sach me ham laachaar nahi

Kya desh ab bhi khuddar nahi

Bas ab seh sakte ham baar baar nahi

Ab to jag jao, mat kaho ki desh ko darkaar nahi

Lahoo bahane ko karo inkaar nahi

Aapas me karo taqraar nahi

Ban chalo ek, keh do ab bas

Sehen aur bhrashtachaar nahi

Hamari ekta, hamari shanti

Bas ab aur koi vichaar nahi

Is baar nahin..

Is baar nahin
Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi
mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga
Panapney doonga uski tees ko
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale
Dard ko risney doonga, utarney doonga andar gehrey
Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo
main dawa lagata hoon
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake
Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye
Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai
Gaur se
Thoda lambe wakt tak
Kuch faisley
Aur uskey baad hausley
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai

-Prasoon Joshi

you never understood me,
you never understood what i wanted to be.
you would never understand, that what i did, was for your own good,
you would never understand my sacrifice, of myself, for no good,
atleast by my sacrifice, i made you realize,
that you are not caged, you're still a bird,
though you may feel won,
but actually its me who won,
what i wanted, i have achieved,
i wanted you to be free, to fly in the open sky,
though i have lost you, but im not grieved,
because you have elevated my spirits to a new high,
see, now you can fly..
my tears get dry..when i think...you fly..

im at peace now,
im still the unbeaten knight,
n im not going to let myself burn,
in not going to feel the brunt,
im going to fight,
im going to achieve my rights,
i wont allow myself to starve through those cold nights,
or let myself feel lowly in those dim lights,
let the world know, im alive.
i cant decide my destiny, so what,
i cant predict laws of eternity, so what,
im ready to face the consequences of my actions,
i dont care wrong or right,
im going to fight.
now let the strong wind oppose me,
let the sea knock over me,
im not going to get weak,
im not going to sneak,
ill stand upright.
im ready to face the bellows over me,
im ready to make myself eternally free,
let them know,
im not the same anymore,
i have infinite times more love to give,
and even more broader view of life to live,
my emotions have achieved much heavier voice,
n my beliefs have attained new unreachable heights,
in these shade of bright lights,
im ready to fight.
im ready to keep,
all those memories so deep,
all those moments which elated my life,
of my princess, my beloved wife,
im going to keep her along,
like an eternal song, on my lips,
in my heart, as the best of my friendships,
im going to use it as my might,
keeping it alongside, ill fight.
n im going to win,
im going to erase all those uncommitted sins,
im going to make streangth of my fright,
im going to fight.
i dont need any help,
i dont need wealth,
i dont need to prove to anyone now,
im just going to experiece life my way,
n i wont allow anyone's say,
my family is by my side,
only to them, i will abide,
im going to snatch my rights from life,
im going to fight.
im happy now God is my guide.

war against terror..

well, i do agree that india has somewhat woken up. but i also believe that most of it is due to the fact that media is playing a role in it. we might call it a negative or a positive according to each ones view point. but the fact still remains there only. the problem still remains there only. im here in mumbai right now, but i hardly see any impact on the masses, leaving out some of the NGO's and some TV artists. The TV artists n celebrities might again be doing all this for their own image only. who knows? as far as normal citizens are concerned, they dont have a choice. they have to work. they have to move on. ont the other hand, shouting slogans, or going for peace march alone wont do any thing. one minister reisgning, others taking their responsibilities wont again solve the problem. after all we all are indians. the product of the same system. we have been doing it since long. n most of us, would still continue to adapt to the same standards of living. we have been ingrained with it. recently when a minister made a rude speach for the family members of major unnikrishnan, thw whole media made a hype of it, but what happens when normal people disrepect those who sacrifice their lives on border. we only think of them when they get "shaheed". what a shame on us.untill n unless, everything is reformed from the scratch, this would go on. today, even if one thing is changed, one law modified, it wont make a difference. it has taken a long time to make us this way, n would take a lot more time to bring a change. everything that is happening in India right now, all the revolts, all the protests, are just a way to increase TRP's of some news channels, inspired by the channel themselves. How many people that we know are participating in it? because each one of us is busy following the rituals of the system. Even if the government takes any hard step on this issue, it would just be to increase their own vote bank for the overhead elections. In these circumstances, a common man can do nothing, but lament, to be a part of this society, where a man is so much engrossed in making money name n fame, that nothing else matters. people die, so let them, untill one of our own dies.These governments are just good for making parks, roads, metros, malls etc. they can never run a country.Talking about government, it has become so dirty, that people dont even consider it an option to go into politics. n those who do, are made fun of.our country wouldnt grow to become a nation, untill we, the educated youth, take bold steps. its time for us to form parties n fight elections, rather than depending on those who are hardly bothered about anything except their own tummies. its time for the young generation to take up politics, n give the system a new shape n colour.i dont know what the result of this tragedy would be..i just hope that it lasts long enough so as more tragedies never get space to come up.jai hind.

i know now what the reason is..
but i cant defame you..the way you did..
i am hurt..that u didnt understand me even once..
that u didnt think of me when u needed..
my fault is..that i wanted you to understand..
i was at loss both ways..then why did i choose this stand..
atleast then, i could have been there..
now i cant be there at all..
i wanted something for your betterment..
but instead of lifting you to that level..i had deep fall..
n now, when im in hell..i cant even call you..
but i can never do.. what you did to me..
atleast if not better, you are at the same level that u used to..
im glad even if at my stake..u could achieve your freedom..
i tried so hard for u to achieve it when we were together..
atleast now i can take the credit solely..
thanks anyways..to make my this dream come true..
but what about the others?
you know..our dream daughter has been killed..
our dreams have been killed..
i do feel the pain..
but theres no way in which i could share it with you..
coz if i did, you would feel offended..
i can stay like this..but wont offend you..
i just pray..that you be happy this way..
that you realize this freedom till the end..
i wont come in your life again..